Special interests/hyperfixations are slowly killing me I swear

[Cauliflour]

All these neurotypicals think it's "so great!" to be able to just zone in on something and focus.

WRONG!

It's fucking terrible! I've lost sleep due to me not being able to stop what I was doing when it goes past 9, I'm always thirsty cause I'm always too busy doing something else to drink water, I'm incapable of resting cause special interests are literally the only thing keeping me going (that and self harm but that's for another day) and if I don't feed my like 5 different interests regularly then I lose motivation and start going all depressed and stuff. Not to mention it messed up school work cause I'll be constantly thinking about doing so and so when I get home and not listening to what the teacher's saying. Hell, I've done nothing for 2 hours cause I got off on the wrong foot at the start and now have no motivation to do anything cause now I'm just focusing on trying to think of what to say when the teacher notices I've done no writing. I can't eat if the living room door is open. If the electricity cuts out then I'm fucked cause I need my PC to live as all my special interests are on there. I waste time on YouTube that I can't do anything about cause fueling hyperfixations. I burn myself out hyperfixating on something and it really obstructs my life cause I can't stop thinking about it for a good few weeks. This is why I don't do clothes hauls: if I buy something new then I'm gonna wear it for at least 2 weeks straight first just to get it out of my system, and even then there's clothes I bought 2 months ago that I've still got my eye on but they need to be part of a specific set on a specific day.

I think people don't seem to understand how autism focus actually works. That extra focus isn't coming out of nowhere, it's being re-distributed from "less important" things, ie school work, basic needs etc. Not to mention if I'm not doing anything of note and I stub my toe, all that focus is going into thinking about how that hurts so it ends up hurting more. But then I guess the flip side is that I can completely forget about that pain if I lock in hard enough. But I'm high functioning and from a private school, so those are all just quirks! As we all know, aspies can't have any kinds of serious problems cause they're reserved for the annoying autistic people! (sarcasm). I don't want to hear another word from someone on how my autism is a good thing. You don't know anything on how I live, you just hear me talk about technology and think I sound smart. Bitch I don't even know the different kinds of AMD processors! I'm useless!

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

yes me too. sometimes it can feel good to focus on something or i find comfort to my special interests but so often it can be frustrating. if i'm trying to focus on one thing but can't stop thinking about godzilla. i relate to the part about feeling bad when you can't connect to special interests as well. when i can't engage with my theatre interest/am not currently acting in or tech for a play i feel very sad. plus i mostly am very focused on not just godzilla but a very obscure specific version that no one knows. i always want to just talk about that version, but nobody cares because nobody has seen it. even the one friend of mine who has seen it and likes it gets tired of how much i talk about it and i feel bad that i only want to talk about that and annoy someone who i like. or just anyone i end up talking too. the thing i always think about nobody wants to talk about or even is able to talk about and that makes me sad. its one of the only topics i feel confident to talk about. i also dislike when people try to say my autism is a good thing. i think only each person can decide for themself because everyone is affected difference and some people will like it and some people will not. for me sometimes its okay but sometimes i really hate it. especially when all my special interests are very obscure things it makes me feel lonely.