Hey. I know this isn't about me, but I hope you don't mind if I share my story as I relate to you.
So I chose a method I thought would be full proof. It failed, and I couldn't attempt again as a car had already pulled up in the park and I sent a time released email to the police. As my phone was factory reset I did not know what time it was, nor could I delete the email. Not wanting to get caught, my only choice was to drive to the er.
The noose was still tied to the tree when I left, for which I felt guilty about. I had no serious damage (just pain, a forehead lump, and a ligature bruise). It made me feel like I wasn't serious about ctb because I wasn't a vegetable. I worried no one would forgive me for scaring them. I thought my only choice was to try again after hospital discharge.
When I realized people were not mad, knew I was serious, and were happy I survived, I knew ctb would have been a mistake in my case. I posted an update in my goodbye thread, only to be greeted with happiness, kindness, or support.
No one here thinks you are a coward or threatening ctb for attention. Those people are not taken to kindly here, and it's obvious you are not one of them. Your pain is valid, and everyone here supports you. Most ppl don't want to ctb, they just see no other option. Everyone is glad you are still here as you would be missed within this community.
It's interesting you say that you only anger and stress people out, as this thread seems to contradict that statement. Perhaps that is true of some people. It is much easier to focus your detractors rather than your supports. Well, it is for me. I cannot speak for you.
I personally do not find you to be a burden for being mentally ill. I do understand why you'd feel that way, as I felt the same. In our society, the mentally ill are either treated like dangerous criminals or inferior beings to avoid or mock. That people lack compassion and ableism exists is not your fault.
You deserve to know that you provided me so much solace when I read your comment on my goodbye thread. I'm sorry for all you've been through. I wish you peace in whatever you choose. I'll be there for you no matter what.
Sorry I did not respond to your original thread. Life got in the way. Do know I followed it as closely as I could and am relieved you're still with us.
