sooo much anxiety abt recovery

[unrest]

tw just talking pretty negatively here.

i dont even know if this should be posted in off topic or if im on the right thread. but yea i always gaslight myself into thinking that recovery could never be worth someone like me because theres just way too much that i have to handle and fix with myself. that its no use and blah blah. + add on the impostor syndrome. i genuinely want to give this a go and it's kind of upsetting when i catch myself thinking like this. i just want to get better :3

uhh if anyone feels any similar pls discuss lol this feels so lonely.

 

[sulli]

i have anxiety whenever i feel better and i have no idea how to explain it to anyone. the best way i can describe it is like an emptiness where the crushing depression and suicidality used to be that gets filled up with nerves instead

 

[Livingvsdying25]

If its any consolation/to me it sounds like this is the unfortunate but very real almost chemical reaction to a change. The body & brain are not used to the calm or the better feelings/thoughts and sometimes need to replace it / try to continue it through means of anxiety

Like ur body/brain is trying to protect itself from harm by keeping you in flight/fight mode. Or the concept of if you stay down then you won't be hurt.

Its a shitty aspect of change/trauma but a very real sign of healing. It sucks and I wish it wasn't an aspect but I can promise you that if ya keep on with it you'll eventually find it'll calm. You'll eventually find you feel worthy of healing. It takes time and is a painful process but worth it imo.

Also the thoughts/theories I just shared are just aspects of trauma healing/science knowledge that I've picked up here and there. So no need to take it in/jus my own opinion but can be searched and read about further if you wish.

(A great book is CPTSD-surviving to thriving by Pete Walker) I have the free pdf if you are interested./if anyones interested. Maybe good to drop it in the recovery resources thread or smthin.

It's really lonely and scary to start recovery and feel all the bad feels bc it almost feel counter productive but I jus wanna reassure that these are very real and common occurrences. It means you're already on the way towards your own healing ️

Ima jus drop the book link here.( never attached a file so not sure if it worked.)

 

[FungusButler]

i always gaslight myself into thinking that recovery could never be worth someone like me because theres just way too much that i have to handle and fix with myself. that its no use and blah blah.

Isn't it kind of funny that when our brains are broken they also viciously insist to us that they are unfixable? Step back in line, cerebrum