Sometimes it feels weird being longerterm member on here

[noname223]

I am now almost two years member on this forum. I often have that weird feeling when I see crossed out names. Of course I feel very sorry for the people who have committed suicide. Suicide is very tragic in my opinion. But it is also weird because many people got banned because they behaved in a rude way. I am not good at judging whether it was the right decision. I don't know whether the people got warnings or how they behave in private messages. I am kind of proud I never got a warning. Lol. As in school or at college I always try to behave well.

I am kind of scared to get banned too someday. But as I said I never got a warning. Maybe if I went fully nuts and wrote insane stuff when I am psychotic. I hope that won't happen. And even in psychosis I am often a nice person. Quite anxious and paranoid but I am usually not rude rather weird and embarrassing.

It is really heartbreaking when I think about all the people who have committed suicide. I can remember one person writing me (I paraphrase it) "I hope very much you can avoid committing suicide. As you write it you rather want to avoid it. I hope very much you will find a solution for your problems. And not having to kill yourself because of it."

I knew the person enjoyed my posts. He told me that. But he was very inactive after a while. Then suddenly his name was crossed out. Someone told me he has probably committed suicide. It is so sad. And I never will know it for sure.

To add one thing. I am sometimes surprised who gets banned. Though as I said I cannot really make a judgement because I know nothing about the warnings. If I got a warning I would try stricly not to provoke another one. Many people don't seem to give a shit ((?)

I am way too vulnerable to get in big arguments on here. I use this forum as a valve. I try to avoid nasty discussions. I don't want to make enemies. If I do something wrong I try to apologize for that.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it is not surprising that so many people ctb. We live in a world with unlimited potential for suffering after all. Life is so cruel and unfair and it is sad how so much pain exists. Rest in peace, all those who are gone.

 

[Zegers]

Well, that's what this forum is for, at least that's why I'm here.

 

[littlelungs]

I understand and empathize with what you're saying, OP. I too have seen lots of people come and go in my time here (been here since October 2018 and truly had every intention of being dead by the end of that year), and in a way it's like an online graveyard, with each person arriving and leaving for whatever combination of reasons as to how life has failed them – it's tragic, no doubt about it. I will never, ever glorify any of the circumstances that have brought people here in the first place, and I'm not saying that this site is perfect by any means or that some people unfortunately don't always come here with the greatest intentions, but I take solace in the fact that there is at least a space here for the people who need it, for whatever reason.

There are many people who have been here and whose usernames have since been crossed out, who I still think and wonder about. I hope that they have found their peace, no matter what that might mean for them, and I know that sounds cliche, but I really do mean that. Life is so fucking brutal.

I don't know if that makes sense (I'm in a lot of pain, shocker), but I just wanted to say that certain parts of this post kind of resonated with me, and I understand.

 

[whatevs]

You don't 'have what it takes' to get banned right now. Perhaps it will be added to your character with time and suffering. But I think you will stay non-confrontational for the remainder of your life.

IMO those of us that get warnings and are bannable seem to feel strongly about ideas or about the opinions of other people, and this passion or intensity will result in aggression. We probably think our ideas or demonstrating that we are right are more important than respecting social or forum rules.

I agree with your philosophy of avoiding fights and valuing the forum as a valve, however. It just takes a switch of mindset, from trying to win pissing contests with strangers to realizing the forum isn't for that at all.

 

[Mocon33]

I am now almost two years member on this forum. I often have that weird feeling when I see crossed out names. Of course I feel very sorry for the people who have committed suicide. Suicide is very tragic in my opinion. But it is also weird because many people got banned because they behaved in a rude way. I am not good at judging whether it was the right decision. I don't know whether the people got warnings or how they behave in private messages. I am kind of proud I never got a warning. Lol. As in school or at college I always try to behave well.

I am kind of scared to get banned too someday. But as I said I never got a warning. Maybe if I went fully nuts and wrote insane stuff when I am psychotic. I hope that won't happen. And even in psychosis I am often a nice person. Quite anxious and paranoid but I am usually not rude rather weird and embarrassing.

It is really heartbreaking when I think about all the people who have committed suicide. I can remember one person writing me (I paraphrase it) "I hope very much you can avoid committing suicide. As you write it you rather want to avoid it. I hope very much you will find a solution for your problems. And not having to kill yourself because of it."

I knew the person enjoyed my posts. He told me that. But he was very inactive after a while. Then suddenly his name was crossed out. Someone told me he has probably committed suicide. It is so sad. And I never will know it for sure.

To add one thing. I am sometimes surprised who gets banned. Though as I said I cannot really make a judgement because I know nothing about the warnings. If I got a warning I would try stricly not to provoke another one. Many people don't seem to give a shit ((?)

I am way too vulnerable to get in big arguments on here. I use this forum as a valve. I try to avoid nasty discussions. I don't want to make enemies. If I do something wrong I try to apologize for that.

I always wonder when I see a name crossed out. Is there a way to tell if they ctb'd or just got banned?

 

[Julgran]

I am now almost two years member on this forum. I often have that weird feeling when I see crossed out names. Of course I feel very sorry for the people who have committed suicide. Suicide is very tragic in my opinion. But it is also weird because many people got banned because they behaved in a rude way. I am not good at judging whether it was the right decision. I don't know whether the people got warnings or how they behave in private messages. I am kind of proud I never got a warning. Lol. As in school or at college I always try to behave well.

I am kind of scared to get banned too someday. But as I said I never got a warning. Maybe if I went fully nuts and wrote insane stuff when I am psychotic. I hope that won't happen. And even in psychosis I am often a nice person. Quite anxious and paranoid but I am usually not rude rather weird and embarrassing.

It is really heartbreaking when I think about all the people who have committed suicide. I can remember one person writing me (I paraphrase it) "I hope very much you can avoid committing suicide. As you write it you rather want to avoid it. I hope very much you will find a solution for your problems. And not having to kill yourself because of it."

I knew the person enjoyed my posts. He told me that. But he was very inactive after a while. Then suddenly his name was crossed out. Someone told me he has probably committed suicide. It is so sad. And I never will know it for sure.

To add one thing. I am sometimes surprised who gets banned. Though as I said I cannot really make a judgement because I know nothing about the warnings. If I got a warning I would try stricly not to provoke another one. Many people don't seem to give a shit ((?)

I am way too vulnerable to get in big arguments on here. I use this forum as a valve. I try to avoid nasty discussions. I don't want to make enemies. If I do something wrong I try to apologize for that.

There's nothing wrong with being a long-term member of this community. See it as bathing in a bathing house - you are free to stay as long as you wish, or to leave as soon as you wish

...just don't pee in the water

Jokes aside, I, too, get a stange feeling when a member ends their life - it's like some kind of feeling of emptiness envelops me.

 

[rationaltake]

I always wonder when I see a name crossed out. Is there a way to tell if they ctb'd or just got banned?

You can ask about them in this thread.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/user-discussion-megathread.5384/

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I am now almost two years member on this forum. I often have that weird feeling when I see crossed out names. Of course I feel very sorry for the people who have committed suicide. Suicide is very tragic in my opinion. But it is also weird because many people got banned because they behaved in a rude way. I am not good at judging whether it was the right decision. I don't know whether the people got warnings or how they behave in private messages. I am kind of proud I never got a warning. Lol. As in school or at college I always try to behave well.

I am kind of scared to get banned too someday. But as I said I never got a warning. Maybe if I went fully nuts and wrote insane stuff when I am psychotic. I hope that won't happen. And even in psychosis I am often a nice person. Quite anxious and paranoid but I am usually not rude rather weird and embarrassing.

It is really heartbreaking when I think about all the people who have committed suicide. I can remember one person writing me (I paraphrase it) "I hope very much you can avoid committing suicide. As you write it you rather want to avoid it. I hope very much you will find a solution for your problems. And not having to kill yourself because of it."

I knew the person enjoyed my posts. He told me that. But he was very inactive after a while. Then suddenly his name was crossed out. Someone told me he has probably committed suicide. It is so sad. And I never will know it for sure.

To add one thing. I am sometimes surprised who gets banned. Though as I said I cannot really make a judgement because I know nothing about the warnings. If I got a warning I would try stricly not to provoke another one. Many people don't seem to give a shit ((?)

I am way too vulnerable to get in big arguments on here. I use this forum as a valve. I try to avoid nasty discussions. I don't want to make enemies. If I do something wrong I try to apologize for that.

It is heartbreaking when someone leaves from suicide. Also heartbreaking when someone we care about is banned.
Sometimes I don't know what a user did to get banned. Sometimes I wish I didn't know.
I'm glad I'm not a mod who has to make those decisions. I will also apologize if I have offended someone.
I don't mean to. Sometimes I try to be funny but I don't want to hurt someone.
As for arguments, I stay out of those if possible. Even when it's between members that I like. I don't even think there is anyone on here that I don't.
I think we should all remember there are real people behind the the screen and we are all hurting or we wouldn't be here. Sometimes we may lose It and rant. I have in the past... Only about myself. Maybe just let someone get it out of their system until they Cool down?

BTW... It's good to see your still here. It's good to see another old-timer.

 

[waitingforrest]

It's weird to one day log off and the next day, find the goodbye post of someone you just talked to last night. Even if its a suicide fourm, its hard to believe that it could happen so fast.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

It's weird for me too. I've been here for over 2 years, even though I wasn't very active during 2021, but it feels like just yesterday that I was the newest member, posting memes and photo-shopped Total War screenshots in Off Topic. *sigh* Those were the days...

As far as bans and warnings go, I'm kind of lucky not to have ever gotten any kind of warning, considering how heated I've gotten in the past when discussing things like anti-natalism or the right to die. Obviously the right to die concerns us all, and most of us care a lot about it for good reasons, but with anti-natalism, I realize now that I only ever became frustrated because I was projecting the feelings I have about my own parents bringing me into the world, onto other people who are parents. Doing that isn't fair, I know, and I think I've gotten a lot better about not being confrontational about it.

It saddens me too, seeing all the names of people with lines through them who were quite active when I started. Whether they ended their lives, got banned, or are simply recovering elsewhere, I still miss seeing their posts. Someday my name will probably have a slash through it too, and I can't honestly predict with absolute certainty which of those 3 things will cause it, but I have a fairly good idea that it will be the first. I just have to feel like I'm ready to do it, and that's the hardest part.