Venting Sometimes i want to threat people with suicide

[Oguzok]

Sometimes I want to do this, but I know that this is wrong on all levels, I will never do this, but sometimes the temptation arises... So that people would care, pay attention, even if this happens out of fear of guilt as a result of my death

 

[illAF]

Sometimes I want to do this, but I know that this is wrong on all levels, I will never do this, but sometimes the temptation arises... So that people would care, pay attention, even if this happens out of fear of guilt as a result of my death

I do feel you. On every points. I know it is not right and i will never do it. But it's sometimes tempting.
I recently told my ex boyfriend (with whom i still have a relationship from time to time) that i wanted to kms. I even told him i had received a "kit" to do it. (It was sn but obviously i did not tell him what it was). I told him because i needed to tell someone (in real life) about that. I don't know, I just needed it.
And, maybe a part of me wanted to know how he would react. I think it is part of my affective dependencie. I needed him to say shitty things like "don't do it, i love you etc". That is completely paradoxal as i really want to do it and i don't want anyone to break my plan down. But, hey, we're human after all, aren't we ?

 

[sindra]

Happens to me sometimes depending on how shitty my week was, some people seem so ignorant it drives me crazy. I always wanted to know how people would react if I decided to CTB, whenever I think of doing anything like that it makes me feel like I'm doing all of it for attention so I try distracting myself.

 

[exiled]

this is an extremely understandable feeling. we can call it manipulation, we can call it unfair, or we can call it out for what it is: a longing to be cared for. attention seeking behavior is just that: to seek attention. the world has put that in such a negative connotation but we all desire attention, love, care. feeling like we are lacking all of those things is of course going to lead to suicidal thoughts, and those suicidal desires might be quenched simply by receiving those things. it becomes a vicious cycle and whether or not you get caught up in that is not necessarily your fault.

of course i'm not saying you should go around and test people's boundaries and limits by threatening suicide. it doesn't sound like that is something you'd wan to do, anyway. but i'm more so commenting here to assure you that you don't need to beat yourself up on this one. it is truly so apparent how much you're guilting yourself for a very real, very valid thought process. i'd be lying if i said i didn't fantasize about people finally giving me some sympathy after revealing i was suicidal. it definitely is a temptation - one i've given into many a time before. i feel gross after but one thing i know for sure is this: i'm never not genuine when i discuss my feelings of suicide with others. i know the goal for me isn't manipulation but of sincere desire to be heard. and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

 

[Abyssal]

Felt but please don't

 

[throneofdispair03]

i deeply understand your feelings with this

 

[exiled]

Felt but please don't

doesn't sound like op was going to do this :) they are just airing out very real feelings, and there is zero shame in that

 

[Doemu]

As we want the right to choose we can't thread people with suicide. If you do, they have no other choice than follow your demands.

They deserve to be free too

 

[fishlover]

would never and could never threaten with suicide because no one would care if i ctb in the first place.
isnt it lucky to be able to do that? to know there are people that care enough about you that you can actually threaten them with the idea of losing you?

 

[Doemu]

would never and could never threaten with suicide because no one would care if i ctb in the first place.
isnt it lucky to be able to do that? to know there are people that care enough about you that you can actually threaten them with the idea of losing you?

People like to fake they are good persons, that's why will work... Some cases.

 

[UKscotty]

A lot of people will start to see you as a burden and shun you.

It is highly unlikely to have the desired effect, no one wants the liability of someone suicidal around.

Also, you very quickly lose credibility as people will see it as manipulation if the person doesn't actually CTB anyway.

If on the other hand, people do genuinely care, then doing this is toxic and wrong. Suicide is already tragic enough as it is.

 

[hopeurhappylb]

I understand this very well… Sometimes I want to tell the people who harass and bully me that they make me violently suicidal. Is it guilt-tripping if it's the truth? Maybe if they understood how they make me feel they would finally leave me alone or apologize… Though I understand that I shouldn't do that. and I understand it probably would not have the desired outcome, and they would just accuse me of faking being suicidal to make them feel bad. Plus, I feel bad putting that burden on their hands.

 

[Little_Suzy]

What do you mean? Threatened to kill yourself in front of that person? Would you really do that?

 

[Finalnight]

Sometimes I want to do this, but I know that this is wrong on all levels, I will never do this, but sometimes the temptation arises... So that people would care, pay attention, even if this happens out of fear of guilt as a result of my death

If I were to do it they would most likely cheer me up to kill myself

 

[Oguzok]

Felt but please don't

No of course, I know how bad it must feel for the person on the opposite side. I'm might be not good person but not that bad

would never and could never threaten with suicide because no one would care if i ctb in the first place.
isnt it lucky to be able to do that? to know there are people that care enough about you that you can actually threaten them with the idea of losing you?

Yeah, but honestly, deep inside I think they wouldn't care for me much.. So that's also why I don't do that