Venting Sometimes I think that CTB is my destiny, does anyone relate?

[crimson blue]

I hate complaning like this, please excuse me for this. I have been trying to continue for a long time, I try to smile and be functional but most of the time something happens that does not depend on me that changes the whole game, my mental health is deteriorating more every day and I begin to think that it is no longer going to improve. I feel like I can't give anymore. I hate myself so much.

 

[jodes2]

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of emotional pain and feelings of hopelessness, and these are very difficult feelings to cope with. But it's important to remember that with help and support, you can get through this and improve your mental health. There's no need to hate yourself, you're just a suffering human being while you're getting help, to identify the root cause of your feelings, learning strategies to deal with them, look after yourself, take things one step at a time. Try to do things that bring you joy and relaxation. Your well-being and happiness are important, and you deserve to live a life filled with hope and fulfillment it's understandable that you might think CTB is your destiny, I've been there too. But now for me it's an event for the distant future if things get really bad again. It doesn't have to be like this, but it's completely understandable. When life just seems to be completely on top of you. You just need to keep taking steps to try to fix things, and see how you feel. I hope you'll start to feel better soon

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course suicide is my destiny, as it's the only thing that has ever felt right for me. But sadly I'm still here as of course it's not straightforward to achieve the very thing that I'm meant for. In my case I've never been meant for existing, and just being here in this world is something that I despise. Of course when life itself is the true problem, which it is for me, suicide is what makes sense. Existence could never be worth enduring, as such a thing as existing just leads to unnecessary suffering and I see no value in having to suffer. The very nature and reality of existing is something that I hate and I've always found the thought of no longer existing to be very comforting, it's all that I've ever wished for.

 

[Escapee]

Of course suicide is my destiny, as it's the only thing that has ever felt right for me. But sadly I'm still here as of course it's not straightforward to achieve the very thing that I'm meant for. In my case I've never been meant for existing, and just being here in this world is something that I despise. Of course when life itself is the true problem, which it is for me, suicide is what makes sense. Existence could never be worth enduring, as such a thing as existing just leads to unnecessary suffering and I see no value in having to suffer. The very nature and reality of existing is something that I hate and I've always found the thought of no longer existing to be very comforting, it's all that I've ever wished for.

i agree with you dear. i'm living every word you stated. the only thing i want to add is that i believe i will find my relief after my death. how about you?

I hate complaning like this, please excuse me for this. I have been trying to continue for a long time, I try to smile and be functional but most of the time something happens that does not depend on me that changes the whole game, my mental health is deteriorating more every day and I begin to think that it is no longer going to improve. I feel like I can't give anymore. I hate myself so much.

i believe eternal life is my destiny. suicide is a means to that end for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

i agree with you dear. i'm living every word you stated. the only thing i want to add is that i believe i will find my relief after my death. how about you

Yes, I do believe so which is why the thought of being gone comforts me so much. I very strongly believe that we just cease to exist after we leave this world, and to me that would be a relief. For me, death is the only way to find any kind of relief from the burden that is existing.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Don't be sorry. Vent all you want. This is the place to do it. I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I'm sad that we're all here struggling with our lives.

Yes, I feel like suicide is inevitable for me. I've had these thoughts for 33 years to varying degrees.

 

[stermc]

Yes, I do feel like suicide is my destiny. I used to write this on my diary since I was 12 years old. A lot of things have changed since then. My goal with suicide was to end my suffering, the fact that I hated myself and that nothing ever seemed to work out in my life. Now it's different. I went through a harsh but beautiful journey that really made me love myself more than anything, and now ending my life is exactly because of that. All of my hatred went directly to society and its standards, and I really do not belong in this world. It feels like my soul doesn't fit in this shallow and superficial world. And now I am just okay knowing that I can end this anytime. There is no need to rush in my case (and I can also live as an outcast, proudly)

But let me tell you something, and I hope I don't offend you or anything, but it seems to me that you wish you could live a nice and satisfactory life. Maybe learning methods to deal with frustration and also learning to love yourself will make it a lot better. It's not easy, but it's possible.

Sending you much love and a virtual hug!
And in case you want to vent or just talk, I am here!

 

[Escapee]

Yes, I do believe so which is why the thought of being gone comforts me so much. I very strongly believe that we just cease to exist after we leave this world, and to me that would be a relief. For me, death is the only way to find any kind of relief from the burden that is existing.

don't you dream of something more than ceasing to exist? a life of peace, joy and love. that is what i mean when i am saying relief

 

[FuneralCry]

don't you dream of something more than ceasing to exist? a life of peace, joy and love. that is what i mean when i am saying relief

I just wish for non existence personally. I don't want to experience anything at all but I understand that others feel differently.

 

[Escapee]

I just wish for non existence personally. I don't want to experience anything at all but I understand that others feel differently.

i believe someone as wonderful as you deserve to continue to exist even after death. but not the way you existed here. we truly need you there.

 

[Source Energy]

yes. I never really liked it here. There are things I do enjoy, but not enough to compensate for the heavy stuff. Even if all was great, I don't want to slowly turn into a mummy, losing my looks, sanity, and strength. nor do I welcome long illnesses, being hit by a car, surprises like that. I want to die on my terms, in my bed, as peacefully as possible, while there is still youth left to me.