Sometimes I Think of Telling My Friends My Pro-Choice Views

[NeverSatisfied]

...and then want to tell them all my pro-choice views and thoughts. Not like while I'm crying or in a real bad mood or anything just to really sit down, talk to someone who knows me and see their reaction face-to-face. I've wanted to ctb since I was young and those thoughts are a part of my OCD so I really have trouble knowing just how taboo of a topic it would be if I brought it up with someone irl completely casually. From all the stories I've read on here, I'd probably get the police knocking on my door so I probably never will. I've only gone so far as to talk about suicide with one friend who also has mental health struggles of her own (though we talked about our past issues and some of the present, but only suicide in terms of our past feelings.

But I want to talk to someone "normal" about this- see how far left I am compared to the rest of society. Each time I get the urge to I just project and pretend everyone feels like me so there's no need to discuss. Maybe it's also a form of self-sabotage though since that'd probably ruin my relationship with whoever I talk to about it.

Idk, am I the only one?

 

[Life_and_Death]

i talk to people about my mental problems all the time. ive actually normalized it in my life. doesnt mean my death would be easier on them but they have a better understanding of it.

ill tell basically anyone ive got problems. if you dont like it/ cant handle me well i didnt need you in my life anyway, bye.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Good luck. I've already tried to convey this viewpoint to my friends and got roasted for it and not in a kind way. Doesn't matter how left or right they are (though most of my friends are super far left), even they don't see any of the benefits of being pro-choice when it comes to Suicide.

 

[NeverSatisfied]

i talk to people about my mental problems all the time. ive actually normalized it in my life. doesnt mean my death would be easier on them but they have a better understanding of it.

ill tell basically anyone ive got problems. if you dont like it/ cant handle me well i didnt need you in my life anyway, bye.

I keep telling myself I'm gonna start doing this then I'm only able to like once a year, get scared after telling someone something, then retreat. And a year later the process repeats itself *face palm*

Good luck. I've already tried to convey this viewpoint to my friends and got roasted for it and not in a kind way. Doesn't matter how left or right they are (though most of my friends are super far left), even they don't see any of the benefits of being pro-choice when it comes to Suicide.

It's shitty your friends reacted that way :/ I imagine most people have views like that "stop sanctioned suicide" lady so I don't talk about it. Hmmm, if only there was a viewpoint that allowed for the normalization of suicide /s

Sorry, by "far left" I meant "out of wack." Like "far left field."...I'm just realizing this may not be a common saying and is my country bumpkin showing haha

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It's shitty your friends reacted that way :/ I imagine most people have views like that "stop sanctioned suicide" lady so I don't talk about it. Hmmm, if only there was a viewpoint that allowed for the normalization of suicide /s

Sorry, by "far left" I meant "out of wack." Like "far left field."...I'm just realizing this may not be a common saying and is my country bumpkin showing haha

It's fine lol, I'd argue that being far left (or right) wing can be synonymous with your definition too so it works out anyway.

But yeah my friends are the kinds of people who claim to care about people suffering just because they're poor or minorities but not the extent where that suffering should be allowed to end even when suicide is the only way to do it. Some of them even have depression and they're still pro-life. I just really hate Californian hypocrisy.

To be fair I still don't think it will ever become normal until the world becomes even worse even for normal people.

 

[moonchild]

Good luck. I've already tried to convey this viewpoint to my friends and got roasted for it and not in a kind way. Doesn't matter how left or right they are (though most of my friends are super far left), even they don't see any of the benefits of being pro-choice when it comes to Suicide.

In my experience, there's usually a very pro-life vibe in leftist circles. Basically, suicide is the issue, and we should just expand mental health services so everyone can go to therapy and not be suicidal anymore. Which is a weird take on society, coming from the left.

But I want to talk to someone "normal" about this- see how far left I am compared to the rest of society. Each time I get the urge to I just project and pretend everyone feels like me so there's no need to discuss. Maybe it's also a form of self-sabotage though since that'd probably ruin my relationship with whoever I talk to about it.

I also feel like this a lot. Both talking to someone "normal", but also talking to someone in real life. I might have made some offhand comment about it, but I wouldn't talk to anyone about it. Maybe if the topic comes up, then I'd just be honest with how I see it. I'm more worried about worrying people, than to ruin the relationship, but that probably depends on how much they know about how you're feeling and what kind of relationship you have.

 

[Antigonish]

At first they'll listen when they think you're joking. But once they find out you're serious they'll try to intervene.

 

[Squiddy]

I'm pretty open about my mental health to my friends and family. I told one of my friends my pro choice views and how I wanted to leave, but it didn't end very well and she wanted to tell my mom about my ctb thoughts. I also told my old therapy group about how I wanted to die (they all said in their sleep), I said by either N or SN and they all gave me a weird look so I don't say too much anymore.

 

[Antigonish]

I'm pretty open about my mental health to my friends and family. I told one of my friends my pro choice views and how I wanted to leave, but it didn't end very well and she wanted to tell my mom about my ctb thoughts. I also told my old therapy group about how I wanted to die (they all said in their sleep), I said by either N or SN and they all gave me a weird look so I don't say too much anymore.

I tell my family all the time. But they think I'm kidding. Kinda funny. They're supporting me and dont even know it. Think I'll disappear, that way they'll never know.

 

[Squiddy]

I tell my family all the time. But they think I'm kidding. Kinda funny. They're supporting me and dont even know it. Think I'll disappear, that way they'll never know.

I'm trying to be as open about how I feel towards ctb to all my friends and family so they won't be surprised just in case I do decide to go through with it

 

[Antigonish]

I'm trying to be as open about how I feel towards ctb to all my friends and family so they won't be surprised just in case I do decide to go through with it

So my family when I kept telling them my thoughts and feelings. They were like go ahead do it. But now they're noticing the scars and telling me a therapist or psychiatrist might be my best option. But it kinda feels like they're alienating me a little. Which just adds fuel to the fire. TBH, I'm trying not to die, but the powers that be say otherwise.

 

[Squiddy]

So my family when I kept telling them my thoughts and feelings. They were like go ahead do it. But now they're noticing the scars and telling me a therapist or psychiatrist might be my best option. But it kinda feels like they're alienating me a little. Which just adds fuel to the fire. TBH, I'm trying not to die, but the powers that be say otherwise.

I'm also trying my best not to ctb, but it gets really hard sometimes. I broke down a few hours ago when my grandma told me that my younger siblings said they loved me. I really don't want to leave them behind, but it's so hard :(

 

[Antigonish]

I'm also trying my best not to ctb, but it gets really hard sometimes. I broke down a few hours ago when my grandma told me that my younger siblings said they loved me. I really don't want to leave them behind, but it's so hard :(

That's where I'm selfish. Live is this alternate universe where there's only me. And everyone is just background noise. When I was younger I used to always say, there was nothing before I was born and there will be nothing after I die.

But now I kinda wanna disappear. But I keep running into obstacles. Friends, new family, new things I love, new people I love. It makes things difficult. And it makes my choice paradoxical. Being able to have happy moments, jealous moments, greedy moments, and lonely moments knowing it's all for naught.

I picture myself as a passenger in my own body. Just going through the motions. Every thing I do and say just feels like I'm observing from the inside. I dont feel like I'm really here at all. I dont even know if I'm in control anymore. And know one understands that. I don't know what I want out of life. Everything is just a temporary pleasure.

I'm not giving advice, mind you I'm in no position. I'm just simply trying to say I dont know. And that's it's okay to not have certainty. The people who claim they do, are either full of themselves or have lost themselves long ago.

It's okay to not be okay. And it sounds superficial, but sometimes it's nice to have headspace. Time to think meditate and reject the pressure of the bullshit that is society. You only get one life, do with it what you please. And although what you may do might hurt others it's still your choice. Be happy however you can. Atleast those are the words I try to live by.

 

[Squiddy]

That's where I'm selfish. Live is this alternate universe where there's only me. And everyone is just background noise. When I was younger I used to always say, there was nothing before I was born and there will be nothing after I die.

But now I kinda wanna disappear. But I keep running into obstacles. Friends, new family, new things I love, new people I love. It makes things difficult. And it makes my choice paradoxical. Being able to have happy moments, jealous moments, greedy moments, and lonely moments knowing it's all for naught.

I picture myself as a passenger in my own body. Just going through the motions. Every thing I do and say just feels like I'm observing from the inside. I dont feel like I'm really here at all. I dont even know if I'm in control anymore. And know one understands that. I don't know what I want out of life. Everything is just a temporary pleasure.

I'm not giving advice, mind you I'm in no position. I'm just simply trying to say I dont know. And that's it's okay to not have certainty. The people who claim they do, are either full of themselves or have lost themselves long ago.

It's okay to not be okay. And it sounds superficial, but sometimes it's nice to have headspace. Time to think meditate and reject the pressure of the bullshit that is society. You only get one life, do with it what you please. And although what you may do might hurt others it's still your choice. Be happy however you can. Atleast those are the words I try to live by.

True, very true. I wish I could be selfish and just end it, but I care too much unfortunately :( I do still enjoy something's like anime, manga, weed etc..

 

[Antigonish]

True, very true. I wish I could be selfish and just end it, but I care too much unfortunately :( I do still enjoy something's like anime, manga, weed etc..

Dont force it. Most people are here because of depression, recover, looking for distractions or reason to not ctb. Enjoy what you can. And focus on the things you care about. You may feel as if your life is done. But you can try to make theirs worth while.

 

[Squiddy]

Dont force it. Most people are here because of depression, recover, looking for distractions or reason to not ctb. Enjoy what you can. And focus on the things you care about. You may feel as if your life is done. But you can try to make theirs worth while.

I'm here for depression and a few other things. Am trying my best to hang in there for now

 

[Antigonish]

I'm here for depression and a few other things. Am trying my best to hang in there for now

I'll help however I can, feel free to PM me. I cant promise a speedy reply. But it helps me to try to help.

 

[Squiddy]

I'll help however I can, feel free to PM me. I cant promise a speedy reply. But it helps me to try to help.

Ok thanks :)

 

[Amumu]

I've already messaged an acquaintance about that, but I haven't listened to their answers, since they're probably nonsense.

 

[NeverSatisfied]

@Antigonish @Squiddy I wish I could've been here during your discussion but I'm sure I'm in a completely different time zone. You're both brave and beautiful souls who have given me so much to think about on my own thread (in terms of how much is it worth it to open up; and the pros and cons to both recovery vs. the road I've been on). If you guys ever need anything my PMs are always open

 

[Squiddy]

@Antigonish @Squiddy I wish I could've been here during your discussion but I'm sure I'm in a completely different time zone. You're both brave and beautiful souls who have given me so much to think about on my own thread (in terms of how much is it worth it to open up; and the pros and cons to both recovery vs. the road I've been on). If you guys ever need anything my PMs are always open

Thank you so much. If you need anything, my PMs are open too :) (it's 9:40pm here). I was taking a quick nap as one of my meds is causing me to be really sleepy and I'm trying to figure out which one it is.

 

[NeverSatisfied]

Thank you so much. If you need anything, my PMs are open too :) (it's 9:40pm here). I was taking a quick nap as one of my meds is causing me to be really sleepy and I'm trying to figure out which one it is.

Thanks :) That sucks to hear, hopefully you dont end up on the sleep schedule for my time zone (it's 3:50am here)

 

[Squiddy]

Thanks :) That sucks to hear, hopefully you dont end up on the sleep schedule for my time zone (it's 3:50am here)

I usually stay up til 4am because I can't fall asleep til then and then wake up at like 2 in the afternoon. I would stop taking them all together, but I don't want to get manic again :(

 

[Antigonish]

I usually stay up til 4am because I can't fall asleep til then and then wake up at like 2 in the afternoon. I would stop taking them all together, but I don't want to get manic again :(

I wake up usually around 2pm, before I go to work. And usually fall to sleep at 7am

 

[Squiddy]

I wake up usually around 2pm, before I go to work. And usually fall to sleep at 7am

I fell asleep at 5am and woke up at 1pm today, though I skipped out on my meds last night. I just hate sleeping for long periods of time, though I need them :(