Venting Sometimes I think I'm not a valid suicidal person

[Dumbass]

I mean like, I used to constantly thinking about suicide when given chances to actually do it, but that's calmed down a lot now. I joined this site because I just wanted a way to speak to people like me (back when I thought about suicide often) but now I just kinda... Don't care? And it's not the type of not caring where I don't feel anything or that small candle in my chest either. Sometimes I think about killing myself and how I'd love to. I just am sort of questioning my reason for joining this and if I really am a valid member of this. I save ways to kms on here, but I never would really use it and I know that. I don't want my account gone or anything, I just feel out of place here but I also want to stay on this site just in case. I don't know.

 

[Hobbes]

I feel much the same way, which is why I've taken more to listening than speaking over others. I am not actively planning anything, but I believe in the right for me to choose when and how to end my life, which is way information and stories from others are always valuable. I can understand why others with more immediate problems would find it patronizing to be a 'spectacle' for others to gawk at and move on, but as long as you treat others with respect and dignity and not some drama playing out for your own personal amusement, I shouldn't see a problem with staying here and contributing what you can. We're all here to figure some stuff out - for better or worse.

 

[Lemons]

I feel the same.
You're not alone is all I can really contribute to this.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

I don't think the sole criteria of joining this site is just whether you plan on killing yourself. For me, it was a place where I could talk to people, who also have struggles in life, and not feel as though I'm whining or self pitying. It's a pro-choice site. It's a safe space for people with suicidal ideation, and not have to worry about judgement, or told the litany of garbage like "suicide is selfish", "you're weak", "think of your family" etc etc. It's a place where everyone is valid in their feelings. Funny thing, since sharing some of my feelings, and a little about myself, I actually feel better. Maybe that's true for many on here. Hell, maybe this site has saved lives, just by being available to those desperate and lost, who just want some sort of human interaction. You clearly saw something in the site that made you feel like joining.

I can't speak for everyone, and everyone's experience and struggles are different, but it would seem we most want the option to leave this world on our own terms. Whether cbt or natural causes.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I get this. I don't have a set method, a set time, etc. I'm just a depressed bitch who is pro-choice and decided to try and talk to other pro-choice people. It gives me something to do not the nights when I want to die but not really, and puts things in perspective

 

[JoeFailure]

If you aren't constantly on the brink of CTB or have a set method, you don't belong here.

Kidding, of course. To me, that's not what this place is about. To me it's more about the community and it can be therapeutic. You can try to help other people and sometimes people help you, or like you said you can just read if you want to.

I really tread carefully on the whole pro-choice/pro-life labels. What I like about most of the people here is they are generally supportive of trying to help a person live or see a way to live, but it's judgement-free if the person decides that there truly is no way out, and helps them try to do it in as painless a way as possible. When people rant here about "pro-life", that worries me a little in terms of stopping people from trying to be positive for another person. It's all about the approach and intent. As another poster said here, yeah, that stuff about someone being a "coward" or "selfish", that's all bullshit.

But yeah, you don't have to be at any certain point to be here. If this place helps you in any way, keep coming, that's the purpose to me.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I am definitely a valid suicidal person. I am entering my last trimester (3 mos) of life. So far all I want to do is stay stoned out of my mind from the anxiety from the SI but it's keeping me from getting things done. Things like settling my affairs. Wrapping things up on earth.

It seems really cool to me that you still come back, especially if you are nice to others and not judgy, blabla.

 

[Space_Soup]

I know what you mean. Every failed attempt I question myself and what I'm doing and how it came to this. Sometimes I feel like something is preventing me from succeeding. Then I think about young people such as kids who are able to hang themselves with no problem and that makes me question my suicide validation even more like it's not my time or something. I'm just ready to hit the restart button and try my luck again in the next life.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I was the same, not sure this is a place to me. My own flag has yet to change position. Still waiting for the doctors to decide on that. In the meantime I'm trying to either collect money for dignitas, my SN is here already, just waiting for the decision. It's the doctors who decide whether or not I ctb, they just don't know it.

 

[LivingToLong]

It's a place where everyone is valid in their feelings.

Exactly.

As life should be in general but other people have to pass their judgements, tell you what you should be doing and/or thinking. Society would make conformists of us all. It's no surprise to me that there are places on the internet, places like here, where people go to find acceptance.

I think most people are afraid. Afraid of things/ideas that fall outside their definition of acceptable. When that happens they try to ban or shout down the thing that makes them afraid. We all do it to varying degrees.

I don't think you have to be suicidal to be here but I do think you can't be judgemental of those that are. And above all, to the OP, don't judge yourself (we are often our own worse crtitcis) You are welcome to be here by simply not judging anyone.