sometimes I keep ingesting microdoses of SN to finish ruining my health

[Brayu]

I feel like a monster doing this, but after ingesting 5g of SN and failing... I don't want to commit suicide anymore! Even more I want to die (only I can't go back and forth from the ICU).

On my failure my heart started to fail very fast (even though I did everything wrong in the method). Now I have ventricular dysfunction and hypertrophy (do you know if there is what this together represents or if it is really transitory... maybe I already had it?)

In my understanding if NS is carcinogenic (as a food additive) I can ruin myself with it and maybe shorten a few decades of suffering (I'm 24 years old already). I know it seems absurd for someone to induce cancer, but my father died of stomach cancer so the genetic issue is already heavy... Maybe I'm just advancing the inevitable.

I'm confused and disillusioned

 

[Obliviate]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Are you just waiting for a "natural" death to take place?

 

[Brayu]

Lamento que você esteja passando por isso. Você está apenas esperando que uma morte "natural" ocorra?

Sim:(

 

[Hollowillow]

I did intense self care with nutrition at some point, not to proling my life but to make it bearable while it lasted.

Either kill yoursef or don't. Mutilation just hurts more.

I can't handle poison... Try a more painful method with better chances of success? Any method is agony if we survive, so I chose partial hanging...

 

[Brayu]

I did intense self care with nutrition at some point, not to proling my life but to make it bearable while it lasted.

Either kill yoursef or don't. Mutilation just hurts more.

I can't handle poison... Try a more painful method with better chances of success? Any method is agony if we survive, so I chose partial hanging...

mutilation is all I know and I get it... I'm too dumb.

I would have died if I wasn't saved (and I wasn't the one who asked to be saved)

 

[Brayu]

:(

 

[SofterSoftest]

I feel like a monster doing this, but after ingesting 5g of SN and failing... I don't want to commit suicide anymore! Even more I want to die (only I can't go back and forth from the ICU).

On my failure my heart started to fail very fast (even though I did everything wrong in the method). Now I have ventricular dysfunction and hypertrophy (do you know if there is what this together represents or if it is really transitory... maybe I already had it?)

In my understanding if NS is carcinogenic (as a food additive) I can ruin myself with it and maybe shorten a few decades of suffering (I'm 24 years old already). I know it seems absurd for someone to induce cancer, but my father died of stomach cancer so the genetic issue is already heavy... Maybe I'm just advancing the inevitable.

I'm confused and disillusioned

I'm really sorry to read about all of your pain :( that sounds horrible. I really wish I had an answer about an easy way to bring about natural death, but I don't - I've looked into this for a long time. Unfortunately, taking microdoses of SN does not in any way 'guarantee' the onset of cancer. Even if you do end up inducing cancer, it can take 20+ years, and in the meantime you will suffer painful and uncomfortable complications like gastritis and ulcers that will worsen your quality of life. You may also induce kidney and other organ damage that will not necessarily end your life, but will require that you pursue invasive medical treatment to prevent significant pain and discomfort. I don't recommend this at all, even though I truly do have compassion for you and wish there was an alternative.

SN is really only useful as a CTB method and is extremely harmful/volatile in unpredictable ways if you slowly poison yourself on it.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I a

I'm really sorry to read about all of your pain :( that sounds horrible. I really wish I had an answer about an easy way to bring about natural death, but I don't - I've looked into this for a long time. Unfortunately, taking microdoses of SN does not in any way 'guarantee' the onset of cancer. Even if you do end up inducing cancer, it can take 20+ years, and in the meantime you will suffer painful and uncomfortable complications like gastritis and ulcers that will worsen your quality of life. You may also induce kidney and other organ damage that will not necessarily end your life, but will require that you pursue invasive medical treatment to prevent significant pain and discomfort. I don't recommend this at all, even though I truly do have compassion for you and wish there was an alternative.

SN is really only useful as a CTB method and is extremely harmful/volatile in unpredictable ways if you slowly poison yourself on it.

I agree with this without being dismissive of what you said. I feel it would be more unbearable I am sorry that you went through this much I hope there is some other way. This really doesn't seem like a better option.

 

[ge0rge]

there are chances you had hypertrophy before, esp. if you are overweight or eat really bad

 

[Brayu]

there are chances you had hypertrophy before, esp. if you are overweight or eat really bad

I'm thin... but yes, I eat very, very badly

 

[Hollowillow]

mutilation is all I know and I get it... I'm too dumb.

I would have died if I wasn't saved (and I wasn't the one who asked to be saved)

Please don't call yourself dumb if I did I'm sorry. I know the struggle is unbearable and we cope the best we can... So sad when it makes things worse. I ruined my life by accident so I can't judge you. Literally poisonned everything I own & home with a home made cleaner by body can't handle... And put too much... Mixed... Ignored the voice in my head telling me to stop. I'm so angry at myself... Not you... I'm sorry.

I asked to be saved... Was abused... I'm glad if you were.
I misread that... you didn't want to... I'm sorry. Sometimes practice makes perfect but if I fail hanging I can be paralyzed... I'm so scared...

Best wishes to cope

 

[nothingchanges]

Keep in mind that you will eventually develop and die of cancer if cardiovascular issues don't get you first. There's evidence that sn causes stomach cancer. Both of those are shitty ways to die. Your life will simply get worse.