Sometimes I just need people to tell me what I want to hear

[madbananas]

Rather than what I "need" to hear according to them. But at the same time I want to feel like they are being genuine. It's such an ethical conundrum, but when I'm so desperate, a bit hope can get me through the suicidal crisis.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

What is it that you want to hear?

Then I'll tell you if you need to hear it or not!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Yeah, that's a little contradictory but I get it. I think we can all be like that to an extent. Ignoring harsh truths can get us beyond a crisis point sometimes but then we still need to look at those issues eventually.
However, I personally find it hard to trust anyone who tells me what they think I need to hear rather than the truth as they see it, even if I believe they are wrong. I'd rather disagree with them than think they are essentially manipulating me.

 

[madbananas]

What is it that you want to hear?

Then I'll tell you if you need to hear it or not!

thankfully I'm quite content at the moment, was just a reflection from recent past I feel more content on this forum. Seems like it's more about balancing the right support with honesty (Which I tend to get here), rather than what I get from friends in my life who will be blunt af and just leave me to it in complete distress from their harsh opinions which I always stupidly take as sacred

Yeah, that's a little contradictory but I get it. I think we can all be like that to an extent. Ignoring harsh truths can get us beyond a crisis point sometimes but then we still need to look at those issues eventually.
However, I personally find it hard to trust anyone who tells me what they think I need to hear rather than the truth as they see it, even if I believe they are wrong. I'd rather disagree with them than think they are essentially manipulating me.

I think I just need to trust my intuition more. I typically attract toxic friendships where their opinion isn't always in my best interest.
an example of my recent past, was when I was in distress and asked a friend if she thought a person we both know hated me. She just replied "unlikely, but I don't know". That for me was distressing even further, but that's my issue because I'm an overthinker and have attachment and abandonment issues.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I'd say that for most people, trusting your intuition is always a good thing, unless you are aware that you are in a mental state that has impaired your judgement and how would you know that anyway?
Personally, I am wary of several scenarios:
Anyone who tells me what I want to hear.
Anyone who offers mindless optimism whilst ignoring the facts.
Anyone who is mired in a pessimistic or paranoid viewpoint and cannot see beyond their own agenda.

 

[madbananas]

I'd say that for most people, trusting your intuition is always a good thing, unless you are aware that you are in a mental state that has impaired your judgement and how would you know that anyway?
Personally, I am wary of several scenarios:
Anyone who tells me what I want to hear.
Anyone who offers mindless optimism whilst ignoring the facts.
Anyone who is mired in a pessimistic or paranoid viewpoint and cannot see beyond their own agenda.

oh lord you'd hate me haha I'm pessimistic and paranoid albeit about myself not others, and that's why a try to be more optimistic around others. I think for me, when I'm ultimately distressed (as in banging head against wall distressed), I just need to be told it's going to be ok, whether it is or not. If I'm not distressed, then I'm able to look at situations in a more balanced manner. This is just me though, I know some people would like to hear honest opinions at all costs (although who's to say the other opinion is correct, which is the dangerous part of that).
anyway, it ultimately comes down to me not being suitable for life.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

oh lord you'd hate me haha I'm pessimistic and paranoid albeit about myself not others, and that's why a try to be more optimistic around others. I think for me, when I'm ultimately distressed (as in banging head against wall distressed), I just need to be told it's going to be ok, whether it is or not. If I'm not distressed, then I'm able to look at situations in a more balanced manner. This is just me though, I know some people would like to hear honest opinions at all costs (although who's to say the other opinion is correct, which is the dangerous part of that).
anyway, it ultimately comes down to me not being suitable for life.

That was how I used to be too and to a certain extent, still have that tendency. But I don't believe it's pessimism to feel things are bad if things really are bad. That's realism!
I also painted on a brave face for others and also for myself. I still do. In a way, simply doing that is trying to change the way you think.
If the situation is bad, I feel bad. If it's good, I feel good.
I'm simply wary of behaviour that doesn't fit the context, either way. That's speaks of dangerous attitudes or potential manipulation and sets of warning bells when I see that behaviour in others and in myself too.
I don't necessarily mean that in a judgemental way, but I think sometimes we can all recognise when we are being either too pessimistic or being unrealistically optimistic.
Both extremes can be dangerous but they also have distinct functions for coping otherwise they actually wouldn't exist. They are defensive mechanisms that can be taken to extremes and become maladapted.
Personally, I think the trick is to try and be self aware as possible, listen to your thoughts and feelings for what they are in any given context and be honest.
That is a good foundation for intuition and when I see that in others, I tend to trust them. I also think when they see that in me, they tend to trust me too.