Firstly, hello all. A newcomer here. This is hard to write, it might be a bit incoherent, I'm sorry for that.
So,
I had this intense and bad experience 3 days ago with/from my husband.
From that on, I'm startled very easily by sounds, my body is in a alarm mode. The flashbacks(?) of the event are triggered randomly throughout the day, even things that doesn't seemingly relate to it. Covering my own mouth is one certain one, but I don't know why, or do not remember. I have panic attacks and living in dissociation. Seeing or walking past the area where it happened feels like walking around a deep cave in full darkness. There is something scary and evil, that would hurt me if I entered.
I am scared of him, I can't touch him, I scan for a new threat constantly and can't make it stop. Every move he makes, especially sudden or fast ones, I flinch. If he comes close to me or tries to touch, my body goes straight in to a fight-flight mode, and the feelings what I had of the event comes involuntary like a switch.
The pictures of the event are scattered, but very intense mush of vivid lighting, movements, sounds and colours, few sentences, but my reactions/feelings are _there_. As if it was a faint memory of a nightmare, that you forgot to wake up.
I am feeling like an animal, that is hold in a small cage, that can't escape of its abusive owner. My heart pounds, I can hardly eat or sleep. I'm in anxiety mode day and night, my body is shaking, light-headed, I can't focus/ remember well or at all, my muscles are tense and neck + shoulders are totally locked up and in. Some time of the day I catch myself locked, staring at nothing, and don't know how long the time has passed. I do have daily dissociation in my life, but this combined with all of the above is something different.
I don't know how long this will last, or how to resolve this.
I've taken lorazepam once or twice a day to ease my body from all the tension, it works for a while, couple hours.
I don't know what's happening to me.
If someone here has first/second-hand knowledge, has been or is in a similiar state of mind, resolved or has tools to make it easier, all the information from the topic is very much appreciated.
If that's okay to ask, please don't share specifics about your story/experience, I'm in very fragile state...
So,
I had this intense and bad experience 3 days ago with/from my husband.
From that on, I'm startled very easily by sounds, my body is in a alarm mode. The flashbacks(?) of the event are triggered randomly throughout the day, even things that doesn't seemingly relate to it. Covering my own mouth is one certain one, but I don't know why, or do not remember. I have panic attacks and living in dissociation. Seeing or walking past the area where it happened feels like walking around a deep cave in full darkness. There is something scary and evil, that would hurt me if I entered.
I am scared of him, I can't touch him, I scan for a new threat constantly and can't make it stop. Every move he makes, especially sudden or fast ones, I flinch. If he comes close to me or tries to touch, my body goes straight in to a fight-flight mode, and the feelings what I had of the event comes involuntary like a switch.
The pictures of the event are scattered, but very intense mush of vivid lighting, movements, sounds and colours, few sentences, but my reactions/feelings are _there_. As if it was a faint memory of a nightmare, that you forgot to wake up.
I am feeling like an animal, that is hold in a small cage, that can't escape of its abusive owner. My heart pounds, I can hardly eat or sleep. I'm in anxiety mode day and night, my body is shaking, light-headed, I can't focus/ remember well or at all, my muscles are tense and neck + shoulders are totally locked up and in. Some time of the day I catch myself locked, staring at nothing, and don't know how long the time has passed. I do have daily dissociation in my life, but this combined with all of the above is something different.
I don't know how long this will last, or how to resolve this.
I've taken lorazepam once or twice a day to ease my body from all the tension, it works for a while, couple hours.
I don't know what's happening to me.
If someone here has first/second-hand knowledge, has been or is in a similiar state of mind, resolved or has tools to make it easier, all the information from the topic is very much appreciated.
If that's okay to ask, please don't share specifics about your story/experience, I'm in very fragile state...
