Something is fucking wrong with me

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

One day I want to hurt my brother, one day I want to hurt myself, one day I want to hurt my family, another day I want a gun to shoot myself. oNe day I feel like going to therapy, one day I want to stop therapy because its not working. People give me advice on how ot fix my life only for me ot reject it because I like darkness more than help. I am cancer and I wish I was dead since I am such a burden t people everyday

 

[almost_dead]

I am listening

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I started to distance from my brother, and now he's afraid of me running away and leaving him behind. I am very conflicted this

 

[almost_dead]

Why are you distancing yourself from him ?

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I can totally relate. I've been going through the never ending cycle of fucked up thoughts for years, with a few occasions here and there where I felt hopeful enough to overcome my problems, only to be disappointed when I fail again.

I'm sorry that you have been through so much shit, but the most important thing to remember is that YOU are NOT cancer. It is your ABUSERS who are the disease. It may be true that your thoughts and emotions are difficult to control, but that is what being treated like shit does to a person and that is what happened to you. It is also what happened to me and I've had those days where I feel like other people are better off without me, but now I think it is the other way around.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

my brother has been lashing out and abusing me out of anger. And I had enough. Since I made it clear he is now afraid of me dying or some shit

 

[almost_dead]

my brother has been lashing out and abusing me out of anger. And I had enough. Since I made it clear he is now afraid of me dying or some shit

can any third person interfere ? like your mom/dad/any other relative/police etc .

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I find it difficult to relate to people. My friends, when they say they have a good life and good family, I break because I cannot find people like me in the real world

can any third person interfere ? like your mom/dad/any other relative/police etc .

My dad is a part of the issue. Our mom died and she was the worst abuser and my reason for CTB. She abused everyone. My dad is at a loss with my brother and the two have abused each other. Only person I can think is my grandma though my brother shuts himself out form everyone

 

[almost_dead]

I find it difficult to relate to people. My friends, when they say they have a good life and good family, I break because I cannot find people like me in the real world

My dad is a part of the issue. Our mom died and she was the worst abuser and my reason for CTB. She abused everyone. My dad is at a loss with my brother and the two have abused each other. Only person I can think is my grandma though my brother shuts himself out form everyone

One solution would have been an honest talk between you and your brother , directly if possible or else in front of a third person (if you and your brother are not willing to listen to each other ) . In case of of severe abuse/violence and nobody to help , i would suggest involving police only as a last resort

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Yeah the police might have to be.
I've had so many heart to hearts I dont know what else to do.

 

[almost_dead]

Yeah the police might have to be.
I've had so many heart to hearts I dont know what else to do.

Why cant you and your brother change houses ? Why are you still living with him ?

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I mean he's a minor. Hes 14
as for me I don't have the means to leave right now