annxietty
“Is there no way out of the mind?”
- Mar 27, 2023
- 151
I will try to make it short, so some things are gonna be left out but I hope you can get the story right.
On my way to recovery I did a lot of progress, but it all went to shit because life is like that to people, and now im deppressed asf again and unemployed with no more savings... again. Im going to a therapist I almost cant afford, but is not doing much to my mental health because my psychiatrist is ghosting me and I feel Im in the wrong meds... My agoraphobia is coming full force again, my stress levels are high, and I feel anxious 99% of the time and I wish I was exagerating... Everything I do takes so much energy from me I feel like dying, but Im proud to say that I still havent used the blades I bought to sh, I take a bunch of Valium and distract myself playing games.
Finding a job is difficult, and being depressed as I look for one makes it harder, people at my house finally have picked up at the fact my life is "kinda falling apart" again, but instead of helping me letting me know I have them on my side they ("they" being mainly my sister's husband) are giving me ultimatums, everytime I do something wrong I get the "if this happens again..." ,my sister apparently has plans on talking to me about my situation and my brother in law is reaching his limits, Im pretty sure he wants me out of his house... Today my sister and her husband started arguing about something that had nothing to do with me while we were eating together, I went to the kitchen to clean the table and my brother in law told me "you know the reason we are arguing is because of you" I went to my room and my brother in law again threw me into the conversation (the topic had NOTHING to do with me I repeat) and my sister was like wtf, then he told her "you know whats happening with her..." and my sister told him "this is my house too you cant decide for both of us" (this I believe refers to throwing me out of their house) also she said "why tf are we talking about her?!" and I was in my room thinking "I am poison, wherever I go I poison people".
Long story short I will fucking kill myself before going back to that hell I escaped from, Im 100% serious, Im not going back there I will kill myself before that happens... if they make me leave this house I will do it dead.
On my way to recovery I did a lot of progress, but it all went to shit because life is like that to people, and now im deppressed asf again and unemployed with no more savings... again. Im going to a therapist I almost cant afford, but is not doing much to my mental health because my psychiatrist is ghosting me and I feel Im in the wrong meds... My agoraphobia is coming full force again, my stress levels are high, and I feel anxious 99% of the time and I wish I was exagerating... Everything I do takes so much energy from me I feel like dying, but Im proud to say that I still havent used the blades I bought to sh, I take a bunch of Valium and distract myself playing games.
Finding a job is difficult, and being depressed as I look for one makes it harder, people at my house finally have picked up at the fact my life is "kinda falling apart" again, but instead of helping me letting me know I have them on my side they ("they" being mainly my sister's husband) are giving me ultimatums, everytime I do something wrong I get the "if this happens again..." ,my sister apparently has plans on talking to me about my situation and my brother in law is reaching his limits, Im pretty sure he wants me out of his house... Today my sister and her husband started arguing about something that had nothing to do with me while we were eating together, I went to the kitchen to clean the table and my brother in law told me "you know the reason we are arguing is because of you" I went to my room and my brother in law again threw me into the conversation (the topic had NOTHING to do with me I repeat) and my sister was like wtf, then he told her "you know whats happening with her..." and my sister told him "this is my house too you cant decide for both of us" (this I believe refers to throwing me out of their house) also she said "why tf are we talking about her?!" and I was in my room thinking "I am poison, wherever I go I poison people".
Long story short I will fucking kill myself before going back to that hell I escaped from, Im 100% serious, Im not going back there I will kill myself before that happens... if they make me leave this house I will do it dead.
