Discussion Someone to be there at the end

[SolomonKado]

Say you've spent most of your life fighting it all on your own. Doing the best you can till now. Life gets worse mentally and physically for you. Is it something that would get anyone in trouble to be there in voice or video for your last minutes? Just to be supportive and strong for them? Who would be willing to do that for someone?

I know saying being strong for them can be seen as controversial, but what if that person knows without a doubt that they are going to. Just needs a "hand to hold" in the last moments so they won't be scared. Fearing what comes after not the thing itself.

 

[d3c4y]

this is such a bittersweet thought. I feel like this is a big factor to why people look for ctb partners

 

[SolomonKado]

what's keeping anyone from being there in someone's final moments?

 

[toofargone6969]

being accused of assisting suicide, upsetting the family, being traumatized by experiencing it.. I can think of a lot of reasons why someone wouldn't want to be a part of that.

what's keeping anyone from being there in someone's final moments?

what's keeping anyone from being there in someone's final moments?

 

[SolomonKado]

being accused of assisting suicide, upsetting the family, being traumatized by experiencing it.. I can think of a lot of reasons why someone wouldn't want to be a part of that.

But isn't it about the person who needs the support? I understand the mental and emotional turmoil of it, but is there someone who can look past that? Nothing saying you have to voice it to the world you were there. Just because a call was made you could easily say "they just called to say they were going on a trip and wouldn't be around for awhile." Wouldn't be lying and would only be to benefit them. How many times do we lie in our lives for things that mean way less?

 

[Asingletwig]

Ive done it for two very close friends from here and I'm not doing it again, I can't it hard to be there and not cry as they go. I know theres some ppl on here that offer to be there for those they barely know and I don't understand why or how they do it.

A death of a friend always hurts but seeing it is a completely different experience that stays with you and I think your disregarding the other person feelings too much. You have to be strong for them but you also have to be sure you can handle it otherwise it's just not worth their peace of mind vs yours. Just because they are leaving does not mean you should give everything up.

 

[LonelyKitten]

But isn't it about the person who needs the support?

What about the person giving the support?
Think like health care workers that are overburdened physically, mentally, and/or emotionally for example.

Of course the suffering person would love the comfort (as would I in my probably soon to be final moments), but it is also very draining on the provider.
As someone who has been on the receiving end a lot of support throughout her life, I have noticed this, and it feels bad to make someone feel bad, y'know?

It's not a small thing someone can just take a few moments to do, like taking the laundry out of the dryer or smth.
Because it's so intensely emotionally involved, it gets to their core, far more than any regular straining physical or mental task.
And with something as intense as this I doubt its impact will ever fully leave.

 

[リンさん]

I have so much sympathy and almost motherly feelings when I read people's goodbye threads. I want to be with them in the moment. Make them feel safe and in comfort. Hold their hand, physically or metaphorically.

Would that traumatize the shit out of me? Probably. That's why I'd realistically never agree to that, and I'm also definitely worried about the legal repercussions.

But I understand the desire to have someone in your very last moments. It's the most human thing.

 

[SolomonKado]

So does this mean maybe being Pro Choice has its limits? That it's a good idea when you're going to leave for yourself, but when someone else is reaching for another Pro Choice person for support what then?

Take the side of Pro Choice for a second. How many Pro Choice will say things like "just hang in there," "this will pass," "things will get better," etc and not be there to make sure that it does get better and help support them along that path. Just empty promises and support. Very few will definitely put themselves out there and help that person every step of the way. Does this mean that for both choices it comes down to what a person is willing to do?

For me when my mother died, before I was 20, in a car accident I was happy for her. She had a long life of so much mental and physical pain. I was happy it was finally all over and she was at peace. I just put my own feelings aside and thought of her torment of a life. Her last moments dying on the side of the road with no help was a sick joke type of ending to her life…

Please be assured I'm only asking the questions. This is not a place for judgement and I support that fully.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Done it twice for friends here ( online) it's pretty hard ..but when asked I said yes, because I don't think I would want to be alone if that moment comes either.

But would not recommend doing it out of morbid curiosity or for someone that's a stranger to you. It has quite an impact

 

[Cheffo]

being accused of assisting suicide, upsetting the family, being traumatized by experiencing it.. I can think of a lot of reasons why someone wouldn't want to be a part of that.

Its actually not illegal to be present as long as one doesn't help. I person could also write a statement that this is their wish and no one helped or encouraged.
As for trauma, I think an older, more mature person can handle it better. Especially someone who understands pain, maybe someone with a chronic illness or something. They could relate more, hope someone would do the same for them.