Some women look at me with disdain

[noname223]

I recently experienced this once again. Though some forewords. Yes also men dislike me but I don't really care about that. When attractive women dislike me this is something different for me. This post should not be misogynistic. Many traits I describe here also count for men. Though as I said I care less about their opinion. In general it is easier for me to have a friendship with a man. So no feelings can develop for each other if both are attracted to the other sex/gender.
In addition to that: due to my mental health problems I might interpret too much into facial expressions or I might can't evaluate the situation for what it is.

I think beautiful women are really annoyed because too many men approach them (solely due to her outer appearance). Very often when I approach beautiful women they reject me in a clear way (right from the beginning). I am not sure how they "smell" I am interested in them. Maybe you can see when you look at me that I am a desperate loner who is really insecure. I think this is really one of the biggest reasons. I think many women can assess the intentions of men like me pretty well. I hope this is not misogynistic. I just think some women are really used to men like me (especially in my age) and they are bored by them.

I have learned some things. If a woman gives you such a clear signal I try not to be intrusive. Though my best friend who was really desperate to find love found a woman. She did not want to give him hope at first but now they have a longterm relationship. I think my brain gets grilled by such mind games. This is why I just surrounder from the start. I had psychosis and these mind games just fuck me up. Some women were interested in me but damn these mind games: don't show too much interest etc. etc. it makes me go crazy. But maybe this is another topic rather related to my illness.

When I still showed interest in women who gave me negative signals I was humiliated. Maybe I am too sensitive towards humiliation. I said some cringeworthy stuff to these beautiful women which was pretty stupid - The rejection hurt due to that so much more. The lesson I have learned. I don't want to be humiliated anymore. It is not worth it. When a woman gives me negative signals I stop approaching them.

I think one reason why many women dislike me is when you look at me and observe my behavior everyone considers me as a careerist (striver). Many women dislike such men at least this is my experience. They don't know anything about me. About my traumata concerning studying/working. I don't say women are exceptional superficial. I think they are just as bad as men. There is no real difference between them.

A week ago I asked a woman a question about college stuff, kind of approached her. And her gaze was full of disdain. Lol. I don't think it is paranoid. Later I asked another woman a question and she was very friendly to me. Damn her face seemed very unpleasant (of the other one). We know each other a little bit but did not have a real conversation yet. She seemed interesting to me but now I keep distant. I don't look this bad. My outer appearance might even be slightly over average or at least average. It reminded me when another woman looked at me with extreme disdain. In my language there is a saying if a gaze could kill you you now would be dead. This counted for that woman.

Maybe this is too negative about political correctness and just shows my ignorance. I was on the way to colllege some years ago. Near to the college there was my therapist. I thought 24/7 about suicide and how to do it. I could not think about anything else and I did not do well mentally. There was a pregnant woman who wanted to take a seat. I did not recognize that the seat where I sat was reserved for a person like that ( i had earphones on). There was this college girl who looked at me full of despise due to this situation. She looked like she would have loved to kill me in this situation. When I recognized the situation it was too late. Another person (the college woman) offered her her seat. This college-woman was extremely judgmental. I later almost apologized to her. But she still looked at me full of despise. I have the feeling this is kind of wrong political correctness. I just sat in this bus fully paranoid obsessed by killing myself and did not recognize my environment. Maybe I am the one to be blamed in this situation. But in such situations these college kids should be a little bit less judgemental. Maybe it is ironic and I am the one who is judgemental about her.

This was a little bit unrelated to the previous story. The gazes just resembeled each other a bit. I could have written about other failures when I approached other women. But damn this thread is already once again way too long. I just spared you some stories to cringe.

 

[Weebster]

Women tend to be more intuitive so they can tell, especially since many are approached so much

 

[Alex6216]

I am not sure how they "smell" I am interested in them.

When your body/subconscious/animal brain feels attracted to a woman you exhibit some changes such as pupils dilating, voice becoming deeper, producing more saliver, etc. Also I dont think all the women giving you a look of disdain are doing so on purpose, maybe that's their resting face or something. I'm a dude but my resting face looks really aggressive and people sometimes comment towards me being angry which I really hate when they do that

 

[Crazy4u]

Are you an attractive guy, op? If you are not, i suggest you approach average women

 

[wljourney]

It sounds like some of these situations are just normal life.

Getting the stink eye from someone for blocking the disabled seat on a bus is not unusual. They don't know that you are in a daze and just didn't pay attention.

It's also normal to be rejected. Especially if they have not given you a signal of wanting to be approached.

Sorry, but it sounds like you are spending a whole lot of time overanalyzing normal social situations and blaming women.
On the one hand you argue that "I was in a bad place" and you shouldn't be held responsible for not giving up your seat on the bus, but you don't grant others the same?

Maybe the women you approached are "in a bad place" too. Or simply not emotionally available or just don't want to be approached.

 

[Mixo]

When I was in my teens and early 20s, I used to have very low social confidence and I struggled throughout college because of it. I think people picked up on the fact that I was rejection sensitive and socially anxious because it likely showed up in my body language. I remember I would speak at a lower volume, and had some problems speaking expressively, openly (particularly when depressed). It took me some time to realize that this demeanor makes people rather uneasy (not sure if any of this applies to you). I remember I had to learn how to modulate my tone of voice, smile more, and look people in the eye more.

It is true that women are accosted by men very frequently, but I would also add that often times, women may act standoffish because of negative interactions with men approaching them that make them uncomfortable, such as being sexualized, crude jokes, or being stared at in a leery way, etc. and so there can be a negative anticipation as a result. I don't believe you're doing anything like this based on your post, so perhaps it's more the "vibe", body language, and level of expression in the way you're communicating, as well as the ability to keep a conversation going in a way that feels natural, easy. One tip I would say is to converse with her and have no agenda or approach her with the mindset that you are hoping for a date. Women can intuitively pick up on that kind of tone quickly and it can be a turn off if they don't know you well. I no longer am dating, but in the past, my approach was to befriend the girl first, usually through jokes and casual conversation (like joking about the professor or shared griping over something), connecting on social media, and then seeing from there if there was any kind of chemistry. Nine times out of ten, it didn't lead to anything romantic, but I enjoyed having a new friend nonetheless. I hope this helps.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I don't have something to say about your experiences except they sound unpleasant, and you have my sympathies.

Regarding the world of dating and attraction, this is one which I have struggled with as well, immensely so. It has been a source of so much grief. To be attracted to someone but to not have those feelings reciprocated, is something I find extremely painful.

There is something incredibly depressing about it all. Being able to attract people, or even just one person, is not an ability that we all have. One may possibly go their whole life without attracting a single person. How horrible is that? I'm sure many have lived and died this way. And if you are lucky enough to attract someone, there's no assurance that you'll feel anything similar for them.

Virtually everyone yearns for a soulmate, but how many actually get one? People daydream endlessly about what may never come. But dwelling in fantasies can become an unhappy exercise as it begins to represent more a reminder of what they know is too good to ever become true, than a real hope for the future.

And if it by some miracle does finally arrive, so many long years have already passed that they're now too bitter to enjoy it. Those tedious years of solitude took an irreparable toll.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It gets somewhat easier when you're older. I remember my 20s were a bit rough because I still had a longing to impress people and attract multiple women. It almost feels more comfortable being older/uglier. I don't give much of a shit about anything anymore and falling off people's sexual radars is kind of relaxing in an odd way. But then I've had the relative luxury of having had quite a few partners. It's understandably going to be more frustrating if you're still trying to find your feet in that respect.

I would say try to ignore how people are looking at you. It's more about them and their state of mind than anything to do with you. Take the pressure off yourself and focus on your own goals and errands for the day. Pleasant conversations and rapport will come if you stay plugged in to the real world and keep doing your thing. You've already made some progress by your own admission. No need to focus on salty looking people.

 

[Insomniac]

My outer appearance might even be slightly over average or at least average

are you tall? If you're not tall it's over,

I think one reason why many women dislike me is when you look at me and observe my behavior everyone considers me as a careerist (striver)

most women prefer careerists. why do you feel like they don't like you because of this?

 

[Pluto]

If you don't mind doing some homework, teachers like David DeAngelo have discussed all of these issues in excruciating detail. By default we do everything wrong because we have no idea how the opposite gender actually thinks; schooling on the topic is needed. Be warned: do not blindly make the same mistakes over and over as none of us get any younger.

There are also countless legitimate reasons for rejection, which should be respected. As for doing the rejection rudely, a lot of women have been through horrible traumas that will make it near impossible for them to feel warmth towards men in general. Men as a collective have to take responsibility for their role in the toxicity of our society.

The main source of pain that young women have to deal with is being sexualised constantly, which can affect their ability to live a normal human life or feel validated beyond the objectification of their appearance - kind of the opposite of the problem low-status men deal with.

 

[motel rooms]

By default we do everything wrong because we have no idea how the opposite gender actually thinks;

 

[Pluto]

haha, believe me I've thought about it. The biggest issue is living in a very conservative/conformist area and not wanting to cop any more bullying.

 

[whatevs]

NEEE NEE INCEL ALERT NEEE NEE

Chinaski has been dutifully informed.

 

[Chinaski]

NEEE NEE INCEL ALERT NEEE NEE

Chinaski has been dutifully informed.

See, why the fuck are you doing this tedious shit, what are you attempting to achieve, who are you trying to impress, what makes you think you're not being an asshole when you do this

 

[whatevs]

I'm good looking on a good day and I get more interested stares than disgusted ones, but it can happen. I will be honest, looks will open the door but your personality is what keeps it open. I know chronically lonely men or women hate that cliche but it's just common sense and you should be able to see it in how people behave and why relationships around you fail.

It's true, Weebster, when your mental illness/es are flaring up you will emit unpleasant signals but that's how it should be! You wouldn't be into some potentially dangerous, resentful cripple if you were some healthy, young beauty either. The only solution is to work on diminishing those vibes by being... less mentally ill, less consumed by negative emotions.

And at the end of the day people like us can only connect with others that had been through hell or are in it still, not with normies that don't know what severe, chronic health problems are, physical or mental.

I found very useful and relevant to my predicament what Mixolydian shared.

are you tall? If you're not tall it's over,


most women prefer careerists. why do you feel like they don't like you because of this?

It's over for heightcels. Never started.

U sure you never knew Elliot Rodger when you picked up that pfp?...

 

[Pluto]

I want to add something here.

I used to work with a guy who was far from attractive. He wasn't particularly tall and was quite fat, with a conspicuous nose-ring and curly hair in a ponytail. He didn't have a car, and at the time lacked a proper job, though was a keen musician in his spare time. I personally witnessed him attract gorgeous women with ease simply by being himself, making dirty jokes all the time and making others feel comfortable being flirty and sexy (a.k.a. human).

He once commented to me that he prefers 'average' women because he found the really attractive ones are "boring as batshit". I would take a more empathetic stance, but it's true nonetheless that highly women tend to get positive attention and special treatment with no effort, hence they will on average have weaker intellects, less emotional maturity, less empathy and so on. But they will still suffer for their limitations, and seeking thrills through sadomasochistic interactions with godawful men is more analogous to a drug user chasing a high at the cost of ingesting something toxic. I think everyone deserves love, but it's easy for people to be set up to fail and, well, it sucks to see all this suffering.

Relationships are a mirror, and all genuine work that you do on yourself will reflect back in the situations and people in your circle. Replace the porn with YouTube videos by dating coaches, give up the excuses, put in the effort and you will see results.

 

[motel rooms]

And at the end of the day people like us can only connect with others that had been through hell or are in it still, not with normies that don't know what severe, chronic health problems are, physical or mental.

Yep. More people on SS need to realize that. There are exceptions, but they just prove the rule.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

NEEE NEE INCEL ALERT NEEE NEE

Chinaski has been dutifully informed.

I have to express my gratitude for this comment. First day in months that I don't regret browsing due to this.

 

[Chinaski]

I have to express my gratitude for this comment. First day in months that I don't regret browsing due to this.

Love to see the "actually murder stats show that violence against women is overstated" guy getting applauded by the "incels are the male equivalent of domestic abuse victims" guy, absolutely incredible scenes on sanctioned suicide dot org

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Love to see the "actually murder stats show that violence against women is overstated" guy getting applauded by the "incels are the male equivalent of domestic abuse victims" guy, absolutely incredible scenes on sanctioned suicide dot org

Based. For reals tho, I thought I explained that in PMs.

 

[Chinaski]

Based. For reals tho, I thought I explained that in PMs.

For reals though, l thought l made clear your justification for it was bullshit in the PMs.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

For reals though, l thought l made clear your justification for it was bullshit in the PMs.

I got the impression you stopped being offended by the remark. Anyway, I hate deez debates. How are you able to keep doing these? Kind of impressive, in some way; for me, I'm getting cortisol spikes and shit (guess it's because I'm always being accused of sexism or whatever, it's probably less stressful to do the accusing).

 

[MelancholyMagic]

The main source of pain that young women have to deal with is being sexualised constantly, which can affect their ability to live a normal human life

That is the "normal human life" for young women. It's better now than it used to be (not saying it's good). Might interfere with their ability to live the life they want though.
If a young women is attractive, they can never get away from the shadow that casts over everything they do. At least not until they are older.

 

[Mixo]

I got the impression you stopped being offended by the remark. Anyway, I hate deez debates. How are you able to keep doing these? Kind of impressive, in some way; for me, I'm getting cortisol spikes and shit (guess it's because I'm always being accused of sexism or whatever, it's probably less stressful to do the accusing).

Speaking for myself no, it's not less stressful doing the calling out. Especially on this site.

 

[Chinaski]

How are you able to keep doing these?

I don't these days, it just happens that l appear to live rent free in the heads of a handful of prolific posters on here and their evident obsession is such that they can no longer control the urge to do pathetic and embarrassing playground snark at my expense when they think I'm not looking. I wouldn't even be *in* this fucking thread otherwise.

 

[noname223]

I ignored most replies and comments about this post. The topic relationships is too depressing for me.
Could there be parts that are too stereotypical and oversimplifying about women? Probably yes. Am I an incel for that. No. I know noone pretended that but I just wanted to make that clear.

I think the problem is not really my character. If you are paranoid you perceive your environment as very hostile. Often sterotypes of other groups are parts of delusional thinking. I know people for example who have antisemitc delusions.

Sorry, but it sounds like you are spending a whole lot of time overanalyzing normal social situations and blaming women.

I think there are grains of truth in that. But this is also just a generalization about myself. It is true that I overanalyze situation but the emphasis that I blame women is imbalanced. I also blame a lot of men. I just have not elaborated on that in this thread.

I have the feeling some people people in this thread also have now a too stereotypical notion of me.

I have the feeling some people have taken this thread too serious. I think I am currently pretty paranoid and I am overthinking situations a lot. I think most paranoid people don't have a pure perception of their environment (due to the feeling of hostility), I should have been more carefully with my words though. I know that misogyny is perceived as a problem in this forum by many members/ It is a real problem as a fact. But it is pretty hard to classify all your thoughts in such a mental state. I think there are paranoid people who have more evil thoughts than this. Some of them are really really dangerous. You can read that in the media when someone tries to stab some demons with a knife or shit like that.

Not sure whether I should aoplogize for this thread. It was probably insensitive from me because misogyny is a real problem in this forum. I feel sorry for that. But I also have the feeling some people were too judgmental about this thread.

 

[wljourney]

No need to apologize. It is obvious that you worry and overanalyze social situations. Including social media posts and replies.

Ignore the comments that don't apply to you. It's just white noise.

We can only react to the little tidbits that others write. And since a few paragraphs will never be able to fully describe a situation we will always leave details out that may change perceptions.

Just like you will never know why someone gives you a condescending look - unless you get to know them over a longer period of time.

I think the takeaway from this could be: start by being friendly, open, interested in friendship.

You will get rejected, many times. That's normal and (while painful) fine.
The harder you have to work to make a true friend, the more valuable and precious that relationship will be.

 

[whatevs]

I got the impression you stopped being offended by the remark. Anyway, I hate deez debates. How are you able to keep doing these? Kind of impressive, in some way; for me, I'm getting cortisol spikes and shit (guess it's because I'm always being accused of sexism or whatever, it's probably less stressful to do the accusing).

I get horribly stressed with these encounters. I have left people unread because I can't cope with it. But at the same time I have edgelord opinions that need to be dumped on someone. The dilemma.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I get horribly stressed with these encounters. I have left people unread because I can't cope with it. But at the same time I have edgelord opinions that need to be dumped on someone. The dilemma.

You can PM me if you want to express your intense and unwavering misogyny without Chinaski noticing.

 

[Chinaski]

You can PM me if you want to express your intense and unwavering misogyny without Chinaski noticing.

That would indeed be better for literally everybody tbqh