Discussion Social Media: To Use or To Not Use It? Pros & Cons

[Ethereal Knight]

I noticed many users reported they felt a great sense of relief after deleting their social media accounts.

I'm aware of some of its downsides for mental health, including anxiety, depression, social comparison, addiction etc [1].

I also noticed many users reported feeling lonely and socially isolated, which can worsen depression, anxiety and suicidality, and are associated with early mortality in many epidemiological studies [2] [3], being a risk factor comparable to smoking.

I'm also aware of some of social media's upsides, like being a tool for meeting new cool people in real life, having real encounters and real interactions, making friends and romantic partnerships with people who were previously essentially strangers, after talking initially through social media.
Many have done exactly that, and this seems to be a trend that's increasing over the years.
Adults with internet access at home are substantially more likely to have partners, even after controlling for other factors [4].

All of this is nuanced.
Also, not all social media usage is equal:
Some smart stratagies for using them tend to maximize their benefits.
While other strategies tend to be more toxic, unhealthy or detrimental.
If you know some good strategies for using social media in a healthy way, please share below.

Social media is so new, that we didn't have time to research and know a lot about it.
The recent generations have been the "canaries in the coalmine" in this huge social experiment, of almost everyone suddenly being on social media with smartphones on their hands.

How to make this technology better for us? Including our mental health, and our overall wellbeing.
What do you think about all of this?
How can we use it in a more balanced way? Is deleting everything the right way to go?, or is it possible to find a "middle way" with good online practices and conscious usage?

The loneliness expert, neuroscientist John T. Cacioppo has some interesting ideas about this.
I'll share his youtube interview with the transcript.



Question: Can technology make us lonely?

Cacioppo: "The effects of technology on our social connectiveness are interesting because it's neither bringing us together nor separating us alone. There was a study done about 15 years ago where individuals were given access to the Internet, and what they found was that access to the Internet increased feelings of loneliness. Now, the reason that happened was because people were replacing social engagements with time online. They have subsequently found that if you are isolated, perhaps because of a physical disability or a stigma, the Internet decreases levels of loneliness because now you have connections that were not provided before. What other researchers suggested is that if one uses the Internet not as a replacement for actual contact and communication, but as a way to promote that contact, then it decreases loneliness. For example, if I'm using it to coordinate where my friend and I can meet so we can go biking together or go out to dinner together, then that's the use of technology that is decreasing loneliness. And the reason relying on technology as a replacement is diminishing connection, if it's used to replace it, is actually simple to see but non-obvious at first. If you simply watch people walking, they have their own pace, their own gestures. If you have them walk together, you see them become synchronized, right? Now, their pace is the same. Their gestures are the same. They look like a unit rather than two individuals. The extent to which they look like a unit, they're synchronized is called resonance. The greater the resonance between those individuals, you ask them how they feel about each other, the more rapport they will report and the more they'll like one another. We know this from experiments where one of those two was a Confederate and was [veering] whether they fell in resonance with the other individual or not, right? All of this occurs in normal circumstances unconsciously. We're completely unaware of it. But that can't happen through text or voice or even avatar-mediated circumstances. It's something that's [aren't mere neurons] in our brains are adjudicating. It's something that we need not attend to and it's something that influences us in a way that we are completely insensitive to."

Question: What should internet junkies do to improve their social habits?

Cacioppo: "If someone were living their life on the internet and were doing that instead of what they have been doing and that's to engage on actual face-to-face contact, I would ask them what the effects on them were, whether they felt more connected or less connected and why. I spoke recently to a man with autistic syndrome and he explained that he at points felt lonely and he found that it was very difficult for him to interact with other individuals. Most individuals have eye contact. They like eye contact. Eye contact helps people synchronize. There's a research showing that individuals with autistic syndrome do not like eye contact. Find it very aversive. I asked this individual if that's what his experience, he said, yes, absolutely. And, you know, any manner of interacting is fine but it's about achieving that resonance. And, as I ask him a few more questions, he does have a few good friends and they are similarly disinclined to eye contact. They have a resonance but it's through a different means than individuals without autistic syndrome. And so, either is fine but it's important to find that match. If this retreat to the internet was an improvement because of a mismatch, knowing that, well, but it's not about trying to relate to everybody, it's about trying to relate to people who are similar, finding that right resonance. If they were unhappy with the internet alone, then that's give them an alternative. If by communicating only through the internet, it was better than the alternative, then I have no qualms with that. But one of the features is there are alternatives and it's not about relating. So often we think we should have, everybody should be our friends. Everybody I meet should like me, and that's not, that's actually not the secret of our research. We're a connected species but the secret of connectivity is very much like computers. If a computer was connected with everyone, it wouldn't be able to do much of anything. It's about being selectively connected, about finding those good matches. And it doesn't take very many. That's the remarkable thing. And extrovert and introvert can be lonely or connected. The extrovert might take two, three good relationships while an introvert might just take one. It's achievable by everyone now."

 

[JinZhin]

If we don't count hanging out on forums/ reddit/ imageboards "anonymous" sites and facebook I log into once a month because of my aunt, the only real social media account I used to have was Instagram from mid 2016 to end of 2019, to note I was 16 when I started using it for the first time, mainly because *everyone was using it* duh
I deleted and I don't regret it, I'm, obviously terribly depressed I can't imagine how much more depressed (+anxious) I would have been if I'd kept using it back then. Tbh most social media is toxic and everyone is just trying to sell you their disgusting merch made by 6yr olds from Indonesia

 

[Sherri]

I was a slave to social media since 2007 when I first had my Facebook. Have lots of albums, holidays, parties, silly stuff before I got sick. Used to have around 600 friends om FB could have more but didn't accept the request. Same as instagram. When I got my depression I realised how fake that all was, all that showing off, specially on instagram, the abs , the perfect bodies. The duck lip faces. I deleted my FB account, only have messenger and whatsappp. And recently deleted my instagram and by doing so lost hundreds of photos I didn't have it saved, but most photos were me, a person I'm not anymore. I'm happy without any of that. All that fakeness was making me even more sick. But respect people who love it, not everyone sees things the same way as me. Facebook was also getting true intrusive, I felt watched. Sorry. Deleted, reason? I've put none of your business.

 

[LastFlowers]

If we don't count hanging out on forums/ reddit/ imageboards "anonymous" sites and facebook I log into once a month because of my aunt, the only real social media account I used to have was Instagram from mid 2016 to end of 2019, to note I was 16 when I started using it for the first time, mainly because *everyone was using it* duh
I deleted and I don't regret it, I'm, obviously terribly depressed I can't imagine how much more depressed (+anxious) I would have been if I'd kept using it back then. Tbh most social media is toxic and everyone is just trying to sell you their disgusting merch made by 6yr olds from Indonesia

Good call.
I'm so glad I never even began using most platforms, but at the same time, once we're off them or on the outskirts, those within our circle tend to give up on continuing the connection..they seem to think along the lines of "Well, if you aren't going to subject yourself to my ego-stroking/multiple posts a week feed, then I'm not going to put in the time to text or call you, cya..bye bitch!"..

Another thing is that places like FB and IG have become so mainstream that even people like us are sometimes forced to engage with them, like if we want to vet a doctor or establishment, read reviews, become a part of a support group (which may contain vital info and useful experiences from other people).
I'm so angry that all of our options and avenues to connect have been taken over by the more toxic (and privacy invading) social media sites.

But respect people who love it,

I refuse to lol, it's so astonishingly rare that someone is active on there for any other reason than to fulfill a narcissistic quota.
The ones who are prevented from meeting it, or who are ignored like they're somehow of less value, usually don't last long on there.
Not everybody can keep up with the Joneses.
"Live and let live" is not a sentiment we should always abide by, because there will be dangerous ripple effects whether we disengage or not.

If someone just wants to find people they lost touch with and stick to the message app, fine.
If someone wants to hopelessly lurk because life fucked them and they just feel like it's the only way they'll know what's going on with those around them, fine (although, ouch).

And then you've got businesses I suppose, which are now required to have a social media presence, but even the people who run those tend to become corrupted and self-indulgent.

As for the fakeness..I actually tend to think that those who run their mouths on there and post selfies ad nauseam are being their true, more concentrated selves, they become bolder with their views on the world, they become bitchy and catty with their arguments, social media may bring out the worst in people, but it's still them, it's still people, it's not really the platform itself.
It's just a vehicle for human shittiness to reveal itself.
Those with truly abhorent or insufferable life circumstances usually don't even have the means to "fake it" in the first place.
Or something happens and the veil is lifted from their eyes so they step back in horror of their own involvement (not unlike your experience).

Also yea, about FB being intrusive..they started asking for people's identifying documents awhile back, they don't even want people using fake names anymore, they're locking people out of their accounts at random and demanding IDs.
It's insane.

 

[edu0z]

I noticed many users reported they felt a great sense of relief after deleting their social media accounts.

I'm aware of some of its downsides for mental health, including anxiety, depression, social comparison, addiction etc [1].

I also noticed many users reported feeling lonely and socially isolated, which can worsen depression, anxiety and suicidality, and are associated with early mortality in many epidemiological studies [2] [3], being a risk factor comparable to smoking.

I'm also aware of some of social media's upsides, like being a tool for meeting new cool people in real life, having real encounters and real interactions, making friends and romantic partnerships with people who were previously essentially strangers, after talking initially through social media.
Many have done exactly that, and this seems to be a trend that's increasing over the years.
Adults with internet access at home are substantially more likely to have partners, even after controlling for other factors [4].

All of this is nuanced.
Also, not all social media usage is equal:
Some smart stratagies for using them tend to maximize their benefits.
While other strategies tend to be more toxic, unhealthy or detrimental.
If you know some good strategies for using social media in a healthy way, please share below.

Social media is so new, that we didn't have time to research and know a lot about it.
The recent generations have been the "canaries in the coalmine" in this huge social experiment, of almost everyone suddenly being on social media with smartphones on their hands.

How to make this technology better for us? Including our mental health, and our overall wellbeing.
What do you think about all of this?
How can we use it in a more balanced way? Is deleting everything the right way to go?, or is it possible to find a "middle way" with good online practices and conscious usage?

The loneliness expert, neuroscientist John T. Cacioppo has some interesting ideas about this.
I'll share his youtube interview with the transcript.



Question: Can technology make us lonely?

Cacioppo: "The effects of technology on our social connectiveness are interesting because it's neither bringing us together nor separating us alone. There was a study done about 15 years ago where individuals were given access to the Internet, and what they found was that access to the Internet increased feelings of loneliness. Now, the reason that happened was because people were replacing social engagements with time online. They have subsequently found that if you are isolated, perhaps because of a physical disability or a stigma, the Internet decreases levels of loneliness because now you have connections that were not provided before. What other researchers suggested is that if one uses the Internet not as a replacement for actual contact and communication, but as a way to promote that contact, then it decreases loneliness. For example, if I'm using it to coordinate where my friend and I can meet so we can go biking together or go out to dinner together, then that's the use of technology that is decreasing loneliness. And the reason relying on technology as a replacement is diminishing connection, if it's used to replace it, is actually simple to see but non-obvious at first. If you simply watch people walking, they have their own pace, their own gestures. If you have them walk together, you see them become synchronized, right? Now, their pace is the same. Their gestures are the same. They look like a unit rather than two individuals. The extent to which they look like a unit, they're synchronized is called resonance. The greater the resonance between those individuals, you ask them how they feel about each other, the more rapport they will report and the more they'll like one another. We know this from experiments where one of those two was a Confederate and was [veering] whether they fell in resonance with the other individual or not, right? All of this occurs in normal circumstances unconsciously. We're completely unaware of it. But that can't happen through text or voice or even avatar-mediated circumstances. It's something that's [aren't mere neurons] in our brains are adjudicating. It's something that we need not attend to and it's something that influences us in a way that we are completely insensitive to."

Question: What should internet junkies do to improve their social habits?

Cacioppo: "If someone were living their life on the internet and were doing that instead of what they have been doing and that's to engage on actual face-to-face contact, I would ask them what the effects on them were, whether they felt more connected or less connected and why. I spoke recently to a man with autistic syndrome and he explained that he at points felt lonely and he found that it was very difficult for him to interact with other individuals. Most individuals have eye contact. They like eye contact. Eye contact helps people synchronize. There's a research showing that individuals with autistic syndrome do not like eye contact. Find it very aversive. I asked this individual if that's what his experience, he said, yes, absolutely. And, you know, any manner of interacting is fine but it's about achieving that resonance. And, as I ask him a few more questions, he does have a few good friends and they are similarly disinclined to eye contact. They have a resonance but it's through a different means than individuals without autistic syndrome. And so, either is fine but it's important to find that match. If this retreat to the internet was an improvement because of a mismatch, knowing that, well, but it's not about trying to relate to everybody, it's about trying to relate to people who are similar, finding that right resonance. If they were unhappy with the internet alone, then that's give them an alternative. If by communicating only through the internet, it was better than the alternative, then I have no qualms with that. But one of the features is there are alternatives and it's not about relating. So often we think we should have, everybody should be our friends. Everybody I meet should like me, and that's not, that's actually not the secret of our research. We're a connected species but the secret of connectivity is very much like computers. If a computer was connected with everyone, it wouldn't be able to do much of anything. It's about being selectively connected, about finding those good matches. And it doesn't take very many. That's the remarkable thing. And extrovert and introvert can be lonely or connected. The extrovert might take two, three good relationships while an introvert might just take one. It's achievable by everyone now."

It's quite interesting what he explains... I have never been to use many social networks but it is true that I felt quite bad (first anxious and then depressed) every time I used some like instagram, telegram or whats (even forums like this). Thank you very much for sharing it

 

[Rabhen]

This site in itself constitutes social media. I feel less threatened here than I actually was when I had social media. Very scary thing.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

like most of you, I have my personal experience with it:

it pretty much almost always made me feel more alone.

I looked at all those people and no one seemed to wanna talk to me. which is irrational, because I didn't make any effort to try to talk to them, so how I could expect that they talked to me if always waited for them to call me instead of initiating it? "NPC energy" is real

I'm a man and I didn't really know how to ask for "help" when I felt lonely.
I couldn't articulate the words or have the courage to message someone asking to have company.
unconsciously, I saw needing someone else as weakness.
I thought a "strong man" like me "shouldn't need anyone". obviously I was wrong.
the results [of this kind of toxic masculinity] were probably tragic. I dealt with everything through unhealthy coping mechanisms and probably caused a lot of damage to my mind and well being.

parents, friends and "even life itself" probably raised me to be "strong" and independent, which sound so good in theory, except this is not how humans are in reality. we are vulnerable, social creatures, dependent on each other, not cold psychopathic androids or men made of stones.

in my Facebook, I had all these people who I could message at a click, but I didn't have the courage to say "hey, I've been feeling lonely, let's hang out?"
instead I just stayed online listening to dark music and building a social profile by sharing a lot of emotional art. I actually spent a lot of time surfing on Facebook even while not taking to anyone - I spent it scrolling art while listening to music. If I could see how many hours were pretty much wasted, I'd be astonished - I know was a lot. seriously, I cannot emphasize enough how much time I wasted: I literally could have become a black belt in jiu jitsu, a 220 pounds bodybuilder or learned how to drive a truck in that time.

seeing how superficial everything was and repeatedly feeling alone for no reason, I deleted and recreated Facebook multiple times. I also had this weird habit or deleting people who didn't talk to me or who seemed to be distant or have forgotten me, which is pretty much anyone when you're feeling alone - to the point that you can go down from 500 FB friends to 20 if you have an emotional crisis, and I had many.

when I had a girlfriend, I relied on her for meeting my emotional needs, while I met hers.
for some reason, a girlfriend was always the only person I could feel vulnerable with, display affection, touch etc...
I guess men aren't taught to have affection outside romantic partners.
I'm not really digressing, as this actually has a lot to do with the fact that I felt so lonely and incapable of calling people or using social media in a constructive / healthy way.

at some point in my life, the loneliness and hidden emotional pain, coupled with my inability to cope, even led me to exhibit some sort of sex and love addiction behaviour. I was promiscious for some time, and social media made it worse, giving me the opportunity to fish for people to hook up with effortlessly. I'm glad this period of my life didn't last very long.

after a break-up that messed with my emotional well-being and basically "turned my mind upside down", I decided to just delete everything forever.
after this break-up crisis I "tilted", shaved my long beautiful hair (only to become instantly ugly in the proccess) and became so deeply distrustful and disappointed with humanity, that I actually "deleted" people in real life too, stopped talking to superficial "friends" who seemed to only want to drink alcohol, party and talk about frivolous stuff.
I had opportunity to have a rebound relationship less than a month after the breakup, and I rejected just because I wanted to try to learn how to be alone. I regret that decision, now I think rebound relationships can actually help people to overcome grief over big lossess like divorce, tough break-ups etc. although that's highly controversial.
it's been almost 3 years since I "separated" from humanity and became pretty much a urban ermit with zero social life.
now I only have an anonymous Whatsapp to talk with my mom, and that's it.
no romantic dating, no casual sex, no social events, no friends, just a hikikomori lifestyle.
I do it but I don't think that's very healthy to be honest. I don't even think that's very human.
I plan to connect with more people if I could. although large periods of isolation probably damaged my abilities to even talk to people.

amidst all of this, there's something that gives me a glimmer of hope with social media:
like Cacioppo said, it definitely can be used to arrange meetings in real life with real people. I know this personally, I met the "love of my life" in Facebook around 2016.
it was just a random girl who saw me on the street talking to her collegues and added me as a friend on Facebook.
then we started to talk a lot, and next thing I know we were drinking milk-shake together, kissing, making love and continuing to get close to each other until she officially became my girlfriend and I, her boyfriend.
we became together for 3 years and she eventually dumped me (yes, I've been alone now since then, and more 3 years have passed, but I probably still consider her to have been "the love of my life", silly me, this is definitely oneitis and rationally I know that souls-mate don't exist.) - this was the break-up I talked about, the one that me grief deeply.

although it ended, she is the best person I have ever met in my life and I'm extremely grateful for the time we spent together and for all the experiences we had.

think about it: we were both strangers to each other, then one day we started talking online and a couple of weeks later we were already madly in love with each other.

I think maybe I could say that this would not be possible without Facebook.
I don't wanna defend this dirty greedy corporation that is deeply involved in politics, behavioral psychology and casino-inspired algorithms in an unethical way, but man, knowing humans like I know, and knowing that we can be deeply shy and insecure, especially when it comes to approaching strange people we are interested, and knowing that I am myself too weird and socially awkward to flirt with a stranger, I really think we may have never dated if wans't for FB's help.
in an alternative reality, she could be a stranger up until this day.

then, I think, what if the inconvenience of exposing yourself a little bit on social media - showing basic stuff like name, music, art and movie interests, personal thoughts and a couple of portrait photographies - could be a nice deal in exchange for a tiny chance of meeting someone who can change your life forever?

I wouldn't even have to enter the plataform everyday or be active. just show myself there, maybe calling someone from time to time to chat, not just to find a romantic partner, but people to hang out with in real life too. like Cacioppo said, schedule a biking afternoon in the woods or something like that.
if I'm sympathetic, positive, optimistic and have empathy, I can find someone very cool to bike with in the woods. there will be some disappointments and I don't have to be liked by everybody or like everybody, but my filters can lead to some friendships with actual compatibilities.
loneliness doesn't have to be fatalistic.

after all, although social media has thousands of downsides, being chronically lonely doesn't help with my mental health either. in fact it doesn't help with any type of health, not just mental health.

I'm not defending facebook. I think they're probably evil and greedy. I'm just wondering: back in that time, I think for me it was really worth the trade.

 

[DocNo]

in earlier days i liked to call private tv the black hole cause its just mainly bullshit and a stupid waste of time.
but social media really did take it one step further. it's a meatgrinder.

 

[demuic]

I never made a Facebook account until I was 18, and only used it once. Same with Twitter. Have never had Instagram. Despite most of the peers of my generation being highly saturated on social media platforms when I was younger, even as young as elementary school, the inauthenticity of social media did not appeal to me. I only frequented anonymous or semi-anonymous places like this one, with discussions primary focused around some area of interest, because places where people were not obssessed with showboating about their real identity and life and posting selfies everywhere could be more bearable (though of course these things also have their own problems.) Places like this are becoming rarer everyday, though.

As it has been stated social media has become far more strict about creating and encouraging the culture of users sharing every aspect of their real life to be examined by internet strangers, which the corporations like because of data harvesting and the ad tech industry. Anonymity is being increasingly threatened because it is associated with dishonesty rather than privacy.

I think what you have posted makes a lot of sense. Ultimately seeking connections online tends to be a poor substitute for real life interaction, but it is a substitute nonetheless. For some people, it is either talking to people they have connected with on the internet, or shouting into the semi anonymous void, or communicating with no one at all. And it is clear that most humans do have an inherent drive to form social connections that cannot be completely destroyed even in the wake of overwhelming social isolation for the majority of one's life. And so, people who have been unable to form connections, or at least not satisfying connections, in the real world for whatever reason have sought out virtual connections. But we do live in the physical world, not the virtual world, and we will ultimately want to connect with and meet the people we have met online in the real world for that reason. It is very possible to form real and lasting relationships (and by relationships, I mean any kind of relationship, not just romance) that begin online which wouldn't have happened otherwise and I think that is one of the few good uses of social media, or the internet in general. That is a way of promoting a real kind of contact.

Unfortunately, the way people treat relationships and interactions online is a huge force behind the artificial and unhealthy nature of online interaction. People seem to be far more willing to discard people and throw away relationships that are online only, over trivial matters or small disagreements, in a way that would not if they were forced to face these individuals on the daily in their own physical communities. People paint a false image of who they are to sell a picture of a life or person that doesn't exist, which is what helped to create so much more toxic social comparison. And all kinds of unhealthy and toxic cultures/subcultures and mindsets like this flourish due to the social comparison and addiction aspects of social media, people get that rush of "feel good" chemicals from seeing themselves being validated and acknowledged by people online, even if it is ultimately for destructive or artificial reasons, like a "circlejerk" of bad behavior that is reinforced by the normalization and saturation of said behaviors by one's peers. Social media emboldens groupthink and herd mentalities on a level possibly never seen since the invention of organized religion.

These behaviors were not invented with social media or the internet of course. Mass media has pretty much always had a detrimental affect on the human psyche, and with the proliferation of pop culture you can see that effect beginning to truly grow in the advent of the twentieth century, where society became less formalized than ever before, and even that can trace its roots back to the industrial revolution.

So to me it is really the pitfalls of already existing human nature that have exacerbated social media into the shitshow it is, and it has become an increasingly damaging feedback loop of severity due to the inherent artificiality of the virtual world.