Social anxiety request

[Idontrecognizemyself]

Hello all-
I have dreadful, debilitating social anxiety, I am unable to leave my house, I can barely function to the capacity of "adult" that I should be right now. However, I am determined to heal.
My lovely partner has helped connect me with several group therapy opportunities (individual therapy was helpful for my suicidal ideation but worsened my agoraphobia significantly). This might be a silly ask, but I would really appreciate it if someone could walk me thru what to expect begining to end for a group therapy experience (zoom or in person) even the most basic parts. Do they expect you to make small talk if you get there early? Do I have to speak? Can I pass? Will people be looking at me or can I sit in the back and hide? The more know what to expect going in, the more capable I feel of attending. Right now I feel overwhelmed and unable to modulate that anxiety about an unknown environment. Even general ideas would help! Thank you so much, I wish you each the best in your own journeys.

 

[whywere]

Hi! I was court ordered to attend a IOP group. The IOP (intense outpatient program) was a group situation and I found that some of the mandated items that we had to go through were at best boring.

Now with that said, I LOVED the aspect of listening to the others talk about their experiences and I also had to talk about mine. I found that it was most helpful to talk with the others and glean things from them that might work for me or just opened my eyes to new ideas and ways of thinking.

Yes, we each had 5 minutes at the start of each day. the IOP was 5 days a week, 3 hours in length. The instructors were not that helpful as far as I am concerned BUT the experience with all my fellow group members was fantastic and I learned so much from them.

You will do great. Relax some and when you start out I bet you will mesh really well with the others in your group and you will come away with a new found sense of being you.

All my best to you and I 100% believe in you since you are such a caring and kind person as your post was so reflective of how great of a person you are and you have a awesome personality!!

My best to a super friend ,

Walter

 

[nerve]

So this probably goes without saying, but every group will be different. I'm in the US and most of my experience is with "group therapy" as opposed to "support groups" so please keep that in mind.

1. Sometimes people get confused, but in almost all cases, group therapy is run by a professional who probably cares about you and doesn't want to jeopardize their job by being shitty at it, while support groups are run by unpaid peers who obviously care about you or else they wouldn't be going to all this trouble. So both of them have a genuine interest in keeping their groups safe, inclusive, effective, constructive, etc. etc. I've been in very few groups, if any, where the facilitator just didn't care and let everything fall off the rails and become clique-y or negative or toxic. I know some people worry about that.
2. If you're going into a preexisting group, other people are obviously going to know each other and might be chatting if they get there early, but it's not an obligation or expectation that you do the same. If it's a group for any kind of anxiety, I can almost guarantee you that the other people will either be too anxious to engage you or will understand how you might be nervous and not want to make that worse. Someone might say hello, but every group I've been to gives people a chance to introduce themselves, even if it's just to say their name, so it's kind of redundant to ask about that stuff pre-group.
3. If they have a Facebook page or website or whatever, you might find a list of rules there, which are usually pretty gentle and clear. Things like "don't interrupt" and "don't talk about group stuff outside of group." If they don't have any info online, it might be worth asking your partner if they could call and ask about it if you're really concerned. It helps some people to know ahead of time but tbh most of it is just not being a jerk.
4. Most groups will have a "check-in" system they start with, which can be anything from going around the room and doing a "hi my name is whatever" thing to giving everyone a chance to talk about how they're feeling or anything that may have happened since the last group. Sometimes they tack on a dumb personal yet inoffensive question like "if you could be any animal what would it be?" or "what was something positive that happened yesterday?"
5. If there's something you don't feel like saying (you might be asked something like "what brought you here?"), it's 100% fine to politely say something like "I'd rather not talk about that right now." These settings are kind of designed to be safe places where someone can go at their own pace without being judged for it, so "normal" rules of socializing sometimes don't apply.
6. "Passing" or hanging back and just observing will be an option in any group worth going to. If you let people know upfront "I'd like to just watch for now," you won't be by default "included" in discussions (which sounds really bad but you know what I mean). You might get a "do you have any thoughts on that, so-and-so?" if things go quiet and the facilitator is on the more proactive side, but even then, as long as you're polite about it, you don't necessarily have to answer.
7. The actual content of a group is what varies the most. Some are very structured and the topics are decided by the facilitator ahead of time, while others are looser and more like a round-table discussion. You don't really know which one you prefer until you've tried both, you know?
8. This doesn't sound like it's something like a proper DBT group where you have to show up and participate or else you get kicked out. In all likelihood, if you go once and hate it, you can just not come back. If you go once and start panicking 15 minutes into the group, you can leave. If this is something that's going through health insurance or whatever, you might have to call and let someone know if you're not planning to go back so it doesn't get billed, but outside of that, there's no real commitment here.

I know this is long so I'll be real quick in saying thank you for being open to groups even though it can be such an intimidating thing to even think about It helps me when I see other people here giving new stuff a chance and asking questions and honestly wanting to get the most out of whatever they're trying. You're obviously putting thought and care into this process, so I think you'll be fine

 

[timf]

I heard about an guy with Aspergers who had a t-shirt made that said, "Ask me about my fear of strangers"

Most groups will allow someone to be escorted by a member to give them a sort of anchor until they can feel more comfortable. You could ask the group leader if someone could do this for you.

If you are on your own, you might visit for five minutes and say that you have to leave and this brief period might give enough familiarity to make the next visit tolerable for slightly longer.

The key to managing this is the fact that you want to. It can help to have some prepared lines to use such as, "I am sorry. I am working on overcoming a fear of social situations and I am just beginning. Please excuse my awkwardness". Most will work with you. There are some that might make fun of you, but they just look like jerks. For them you can use, "I am sorry, I don't understand why you would want to hurt me".

 

[everydayiloveyou]

Hello all-
I have dreadful, debilitating social anxiety, I am unable to leave my house, I can barely function to the capacity of "adult" that I should be right now. However, I am determined to heal.
My lovely partner has helped connect me with several group therapy opportunities (individual therapy was helpful for my suicidal ideation but worsened my agoraphobia significantly). This might be a silly ask, but I would really appreciate it if someone could walk me thru what to expect begining to end for a group therapy experience (zoom or in person) even the most basic parts. Do they expect you to make small talk if you get there early? Do I have to speak? Can I pass? Will people be looking at me or can I sit in the back and hide? The more know what to expect going in, the more capable I feel of attending. Right now I feel overwhelmed and unable to modulate that anxiety about an unknown environment. Even general ideas would help! Thank you so much, I wish you each the best in your own journeys.

Hi, I also have very debilitating SA. I am no longer home-bound but I still have a lot of trouble with the daily tasks of life. I go to individual therapy and attended group therapy specifically for SA.

1. Small talk --> if it's on Zoom, you can just mute yourself and hide your camera. You can always say that you werent ready to speak yet.

In person, I think the counselors will try to make conversation with you, usually basic things like how are you, how's school or work, what are you looking forward to, what did you like about the previous session. You don't have to respond, if they are aware that your SA is severe, they will just let it go after no responses. If they aren't already aware, they'll get the point if you seem nervous or anything. Everyone will be there because they either have SA or they treat SA, so that might relieve some of the performance anxiety. The counselors have probably met people who wouldn't talk the entire time, or who got up and left after being spoken to. They are open to that and just want to help you

2. Speaking --> you do not have to speak, but most likely they will highly encourage it. They may ask an open-ended question to the group and ask for responses ("what do you all think about this?"), sometimes if you seem like you're holding back, they may say something like "everydayIloveyou, anything on your mind?" If you seem clearly distressed they won't put you on the spot.

3. People looking at you --> yes, people will look at you when you speak, or if you start crying or something like that. But that's life, people will always glance at you. Sometimes they'll even stare. However, it's 99% likely that everyone else in the group is also concerned about whether you're looking at them and judging them. That might relieve some of the anxiety about it.

In the SA group I attended, it was very guided. I'm a student so it was usually focused on school situations. I really liked that it was very guided.

Usually we began in the Zoom waiting room, then our counselors reviewed the topics for the day. The topics were all CBT related. Then, we would discuss the topic and do some exercises. For example, we did the anxiety ladder and then shared what we marked as a "99% anxiety" and why. Usually enough people spoke up that the counselors rarely asked anyone to contribute. If someone who was usually talkative was quiet that day, the counselors might say, "so-and-so, any thoughts?" or something like that. Sometines the person would speak up, other times they'll just say no and we moved on.

We occassionally went into Zoom breakout rooms to discuss the topics in more detail. For example, we once got split into smaller groups to discuss assertiveness. Someone would share a story of when they weren't assertive, and the rest of the group would come up with possible responses that did not involve withdrawal, avoidance, or lashing out. e.g.: telling your boss that a comment they made had made you upset, rather than just quitting your job

I definitely recommend supplementing the group sessions with individual ones. It really helped me deal with my obsessive thoughts more responsibly. I often felt overwhelmed with the thoughts of being judged/criticized during group, and in my individual session I could cry about that and learn how to deal with it. I could also objectively measure my progress. For example, during my first group session, I began crying during introductions. I cried for the rest of the session, it was really humiliating and I was planning not to attend anymore. I went to a few more sessions though and I did not cry. my psychiatrist encouraged me to think back to the time I cried, and compare it to my most recent attendances. It made me feel better to be reminded of the progress I made.

good luck with group! feel free to let me know if you have additional questions. I totally see where you're coming from in terms of the SA-related worries, there's no such thing as a silly question. If it can help you recover then I'm happy to be as detailed as necessary!

 

[Blue_mist]

Hello all-
I have dreadful, debilitating social anxiety, I am unable to leave my house, I can barely function to the capacity of "adult" that I should be right now. However, I am determined to heal.
My lovely partner has helped connect me with several group therapy opportunities (individual therapy was helpful for my suicidal ideation but worsened my agoraphobia significantly). This might be a silly ask, but I would really appreciate it if someone could walk me thru what to expect begining to end for a group therapy experience (zoom or in person) even the most basic parts. Do they expect you to make small talk if you get there early? Do I have to speak? Can I pass? Will people be looking at me or can I sit in the back and hide? The more know what to expect going in, the more capable I feel of attending. Right now I feel overwhelmed and unable to modulate that anxiety about an unknown environment. Even general ideas would help! Thank you so much, I wish you each the best in your own journeys.

I'd ask my doctor for benzodiazepines prescription. They give temporary relief from anxiety symptoms especially in social situations