Discussion So what’s your story?

[Suicidal Ideation]

What was the earliest memory of the significant damage that started it all?

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Stepdad would beat my mom. I planned on killing him with a baseball bat in his sleep. He was killed in a head on car collision. I never got closure. I was around age 8. That was the start of it. I'm 53 now and damn I've lived a tumultuous life.

 

[Suicidal Ideation]

Stepdad would beat my mom. I planned on killing him with a baseball bat in his sleep. He was killed in a head on car collision. I never got closure. I was around age 8. That was the start of it. I'm 53 now and damn I've lived a tumultuous life.

It's all so unfair isn't it

 

[sserafim]

What was the earliest memory of the significant damage that started it all?

The significant damage started even before I had memories, it started with me being born (cursed with autism/Asperger's and ADHD)

 

[Suicidal Ideation]

The significant damage started even before I had memories, it started with me being born (cursed with autism/Asperger's and ADHD)

And it just gets more unfair

 

[sserafim]

And it just gets more unfair

Literally! Ugh I hate it so much

 

[Lookoutbelow]

It's all so unfair isn't it

Yep.

 

[FuneralCry]

The damaging thing for me was being so unnecessarily forced to exist in the first place, I find it so cruel and harmful to force one out of the ideal state of non-existence, burdening them with the ability to suffer endlessly. Existence itself is the true problem and wanting to permanently escape from it is all that feels rational to me.

 

[SpiritualDeath]

I don't have a story to tell. I live a very ordinary life. I just want to die.

 

[Darkover]

at 18 i got into a fight in my back garden with a so called friend anyway result in me dislocating my left shoulder ever since then it has dislocated 10 times it goes weak and limp the last time was on my 25th birthday when i went to the hospital with it for the first time where they relocated it

had a two and half year relationship from age 16 to 18 and a half she dumped me i become suicidal knowing nobody would ever love me again now 19 years later still not had another relationship such is this terrrible lifetime.

in 2004 at 18 i got into trouble with the police for something i didn't do but one of my so called friends did anyway i got sent to jail for 2 months for common assault i turned 19 in jail, while there in jail i learn i had 22 cavities because my parents had never took me to the dentis

in my early 20s i took a paracetamol overdose my dad called an ambulance i was violently sick resulting in me damaging my stomach lining

in 2016 shortly after my 30th birthday i got a brain injury from listening to music with headphones i was also addicted to weed at the time
also got tinnitus in both my ears they creak crack and click

thats my life story in a nut shell it's been dreadful never again would i ever want too exist

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

With 12. I was abused for 6 years at this point and my desired method was jumping from the height. I didn't went through with it and wasn't suicidal again for until I was at least 16/17. I'm 19 now. My life... well I was bullied everyday at school from ages 6 - 12 and was also sexually abused (but not r*ped) by people who have been abused my age (7 - 9 year olds at the time). They were girls who went through abuse themselves and touched me at weird body parts... I didn't knew it was sexual back then. It just felt like a violation and like being beaten or punched. (I'm a woman/female, I think I should mention that)

And this is not supposed to influence you later when you're an adult. Anyway and that I feel ashamed that I could not have acomplished certain things I always wanted to do.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

at 18 i got into a fight in my back garden with a so called friend anyway result in me dislocating my left shoulder ever since then it has dislocated 10 times it goes weak and limp the last time was on my 25th birthday when i went to the hospital with it for the first time where they relocated it

had a two and half year relationship from age 16 to 18 and a half she dumped me i become suicidal knowing nobody would ever love me again now 19 years later still not had another relationship such is this terrrible lifetime.

in 2004 at 18 i got into trouble with the police for something i didn't do but one of my so called friends did anyway i got sent to jail for 2 months for common assault i turned 19 in jail, while there in jail i learn i had 22 cavities because my parents had never took me to the dentis

in my early 20s i took a paracetamol overdose my dad called an ambulance i was violently sick resulting in me damaging my stomach lining

in 2016 shortly after my 30th birthday i got a brain injury from listening to music with headphones i was also addicted to weed at the time
also got tinnitus in both my ears they creak crack and click

thats my life story in a nut shell it's been dreadful never again would i ever want too exist

Shit you can get brain injury from using headphones? I do that all the time.

 

[Darkover]

Shit you can get brain injury from using headphones? I do that all the time.

yeap from headphone of all things but i did use them everyday for 2 years stright listening to loud drum and bass

 

[Mrpickles]

Stepdad would beat my mom. I planned on killing him with a baseball bat in his sleep. He was killed in a head on car collision. I never got closure. I was around age 8. That was the start of it. I'm 53 now and damn I've lived a tumultuous life.

That's rough man, sorry to hear :/. Bastard got off too easy. My stepdad is in prison for rest of his life. He used to do the same thing, never got to lay a finger on him. It's too good for him.

Btw, thank you for letting me know I'm not the oldest person on here anymore. I'm 36 :p

 

[iamsofkntired]

( you dont have to read dis its long af) Damn I'm actually exited to write this , I've been suicidal my entire life but , abusive dad neglecting mother siblings with mental issues but they were actually the best family I've ever had but it does suck when I remember my dad beating my mom while she's holding me and my little brother for protection , it also sucks seeing my brother who tried to commit suicide by slitting his wrist getting a punch from my dad while he was bleeding and sucks seeing my sister staping my brother and sucks seeing all my siblings going through mental tortur from my dad , he was a shitty dad but he's okay , I love my siblings more than anything and i also love my parents their good people but life was absolutely shitty to them , my siblings love me to death and would do anything for me and so will my parents now lets skip that and go to 2022 , I've had a neighbor that is a boy a really beautiful one , I've known him my entire life but we never had a conversation he worked at his father's store and i would see him almost daily we'd say hi and ask how life is going and that's about it , we'll at about may 2022 I started having the biggest crush on him I remember seeing him waking up at about 8 in the morning to open the store while i was going to school and he looked so tired and his eyes were puffy and he was doing a little zombie walk and around that time i told my self i was gonna live to marry this guy , on August 5th 2022 he added me on Instagram and I remembered showing my little brother and falling off the bed from how exited I was , I added him back and on that day i had posted a story with the caption " little miss abandonment issues, daddy issues " and blah blah I think it was a good meme that time and he replied with a " you can do better i trust you " I told him that i wasn't so sure about that and he then sent a paragraph about how he was also struggling and if he can do it then I can and we kept talking and talking daily he told me about his attempts and I told him about mine we both had " eating problems " and feeling like a failure and we both shared the same interest except I was a feminist and he liked Andrew tate and he also was homophobic and I was an extreme to death protector of gays and I remember us spending hours at night just talking and having arguments about those subjects he would suggest music to me and I'll do the same he'd be the first person i text when i wake up and the last I text before before i go to school , I liked him and i loved him more than anything else , he would ghost me sometimes but I was dead obsessed one time i got in a small argument with my best friend and she went and told him that I liked him and was madly in love with him and he was like no thanks were just friends and that's when I knew I fucked up , i fell in love with him and he absolutely did not want me, after that we went normal and on December 14th we had a Discord call for the first time ( he made me download discord ) and he was teaching me chess and after that he stopped talking to me I dont know what changed but I remember I would just cry from frustration daily and sometimes I'd send him an i miss you and he would be like yeah wyd and the conversation would end , we kept talking from time to time but not like how we used to , I tried everything to move on from him , I tried dating , ghosting him , becoming a lesbian even but nothing worked he was just so special and I could never move on from him , on 1/1/2023 I met another guy let's call him "2" and the guy i love "1" I met 2 and we started talking a big until a week later 1 texted me and ghosted the shit out of 2 then of course 1 ghosted me again , and i went back to talking to 2 , after about a month me and 2 went on our first date and I actually started to like him but 1 was always there i would always ask about him I'd try to talk to him and everything I could have done until in February my dad got arrested for drug problems and 1 sister was my dad's lawyer and I had to go to get papers and shit and at one time I was hanging out at his place and he was on his room gaming and i was with his mom and she told me to got sit next to him while she washed the floor , and I did . And everything went downhill from there , the time i spent with him was the best time I've ever had in my life , my face had the biggest grin all the time i spent there and i realized that I'll never get over him , i started going to hang out at his place a little and a little and we started talking again in March I was done , I was still with 2 and we were in a committed relationship actually, i likes it to be honest but I just had enough , I broke up with 2 and the second I did I went to 1 and told him that I liked him , he sayed he liked me too , the next day we acted like we were dating, I had an interview and he talked to me all the time how asked me how it was and what I did and we kept talking until at night I asked him if he actually liked me and he said " I think friends is better for us " and I was like sureee bro whatever you say yeah next day I went back with 2 and we dated while at that time i was still in love with him and I would rant about him to my younger brother , then my younger brother went and told 2 that I liked 1 my entire life and I never got over him and blah blah and I was furious, well he wasn't wrong but I managed to convince 2 that I didn't like 1 I just used to and he was like ok but he was very cautious when i would mention 1 and all until in April, I went on a date with 2 and after I went home I saw an I miss you text from 1 but It was deleted , he asked if I saw it and I just sayed maybe , then we talked and he started saying that he alwayes liked me and he just didn't want to he with me to not ruin me and he didn't want to ruin what we had and he sayed that he realized that thats exactly what he did and i told him that I was moving on and that i was gonna stay with 2 and I'm not leaving him and he was like okay of course and we went to May , in May I loved 2 but I never got over 1 and I wasn't actually happy and thanking about it 2 did use me for nudes so that's a yeah , on May 12 I attempted to ctb and I failed and 2 was scared but i remember he had a fight with me while I was still under the influence anyways we just skipped it like nothing happened and i was still very suicidal and at may 19 me and 2 had a big fight and we broke up and 1 and 2 were talking a bit at that time , and 2 told him that wer broke up , 3 days later I told 1 that I liked him and 2 was supportive and we were on good terms but 1 hated him tbh and when I stayed with 1 and it was the happiest time of my life I cut off all communications with everyone except 1 and my 2 close friends and i was peaceful I loved him more than anything we would hang out at his place almost daily and he treated me so well , he took care of me , he called me beautiful , we went out , he listened to me ranting about my ed he was there for everything I love him so much I love him more than anything , he saved me and the thought of suicide didn't even cross my mind and I just wanted to grow old with him and get alot of cats , until for that day . July 18 2023 , my boyfriend, the boy I loved my entire life , the boy I didn't get to have for 3 months , successfully took his own life via hanging and everything went down hill from there , I'm suicidal again and I had an attepmt , 2 days after him and all I got was a 4 days at the icu and both our families blaming me saying that I put on his mind suicide since I had previous attempts and that it worked for him and I stayed alive and now i just want ti he with him again , I want my happiness back i want him back and even if there's a 0.0000001% chance that ide see him again in the after life I'm taking it without thinking and yeah , I wrote this all for my self no need to read allat

 

[Suicidal Ideation]

at 18 i got into a fight in my back garden with a so called friend anyway result in me dislocating my left shoulder ever since then it has dislocated 10 times it goes weak and limp the last time was on my 25th birthday when i went to the hospital with it for the first time where they relocated it

had a two and half year relationship from age 16 to 18 and a half she dumped me i become suicidal knowing nobody would ever love me again now 19 years later still not had another relationship such is this terrrible lifetime.

in 2004 at 18 i got into trouble with the police for something i didn't do but one of my so called friends did anyway i got sent to jail for 2 months for common assault i turned 19 in jail, while there in jail i learn i had 22 cavities because my parents had never took me to the dentis

in my early 20s i took a paracetamol overdose my dad called an ambulance i was violently sick resulting in me damaging my stomach lining

in 2016 shortly after my 30th birthday i got a brain injury from listening to music with headphones i was also addicted to weed at the time
also got tinnitus in both my ears they creak crack and click

thats my life story in a nut shell it's been dreadful never again would i ever want too exist

it's like being cursed. i am really sorry to hear all this.

With 12. I was abused for 6 years at this point and my desired method was jumping from the height. I didn't went through with it and wasn't suicidal again for until I was at least 16/17. I'm 19 now. My life... well I was bullied everyday at school from ages 6 - 12 and was also sexually abused (but not r*ped) by people who have been abused my age (7 - 9 year olds at the time). They were girls who went through abuse themselves and touched me at weird body parts... I didn't knew it was sexual back then. It just felt like a violation and like being beaten or punched. (I'm a woman/female, I think I should mention that)

And this is not supposed to influence you later when you're an adult. Anyway and that I feel ashamed that I could not have acomplished certain things I always wanted to do.

when the damage starts young, it's the worst