So went to the bus station...

[Nicothe13th]

They wouldn't let me catch the bus.

Was pretty pissed, spent £20 on a mega rider.

Still, on walking back from bus station thought f it, can always go to another bus station.

But then thought, hold up, maybe give university a shot. After all, I applied and got in, so why not...

I can always catch another bus, but hard to become a computer scientist from one.

If it all goes to shit, and I make no friends, meet no chicks and fail then I'll just use my loan for a mad one and go out in some style at the governments expense.

So for now people, I've gotta love you and leave you!

Anyone who isn't 100% set on what they wanna do, I'm happy to talk, I won't patronise you and say I can or will help you, but I'll try understand and offer you free, impartial advice.

We all deserve to live and I think many of us would do so if we could dramatically change how we felt in the now, might not be possible immediately, but overtime that's achievable with a calculated approach and effort in many cases.

I hope to be one of these cases.

Peace out gang.

13.

❤

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

If you're going to default on a government loan make sure to default on credit cards and personal loans too if they are available in your country

 

[Nicothe13th]

Lol, nearly made it 24 hours.

Off to the railway, 3 options:

Jump in front of train
Jump off bridge
Hang myself in nearby woods

 

[Biggie]

Lets talk about Uni pal. I honestly think with their culture and atmosphere, a good Uni in the UK could help turn things around for you to an extent. There is so much power in education and the social side of it all.

Which courses and Unis interest you?

Massive congratulations on getting in btw!

 

[Nicothe13th]

Bro love for making the effort, but I feel to far gone.

I ain't making friends man, anxiety is next level couldn't even say hello to mates I've known since 10 years old today.

Its also a computer science degree, so I'll be on the computer being bullied all the time.

Is what it is, but thank you.

I hope you sort your problems out that bring you to the site too

 

[Nicothe13th]

Lol, nearly made it 24 hours.

Off to the railway, 3 options:

Jump in front of train
Jump off bridge
Hang myself in nearby woods

Couldn't even do any of them, fml. SI kicked in hard on all of em.

CO gotta be the one, will be nice and comfy in my car and can listen to tunes and maybe even go out with a nice view.

 

[borta]

Be careful with CO. If someone interrupts you, that's 70 years in a hospital bed as a vegetable.

 

[Nicothe13th]

Yeah gotta be well hidden

 

[Biggie]

Bro love for making the effort, but I feel to far gone.

I ain't making friends man, anxiety is next level couldn't even say hello to mates I've known since 10 years old today.

Its also a computer science degree, so I'll be on the computer being bullied all the time.

Is what it is, but thank you.

I hope you sort your problems out that bring you to the site too

I understand and respect how you feel bro.

I don't believe for one second you wouldn't make friends. Your long term friends, do they know what's going on with you and if not, do you think it'd help to talk to them about it?

Regarding bullies, I can almost guarantee that if you're doing a CS degree, you far outsmart them, so not even worth worrying about. Unis won't stand for bullying either and there's always the lovely block button.

We don't know each other, but I get a sense that you're very intellectual and have potential out in the world man, so if you do want to try and keep going, you have nothing to lose in my eyes.

 

[Nicothe13th]

I cba to be a burden, people are naturally selfish anyway and I'll just seem negative.

Yeah, the bully's pretty dumb tbf, doesn't understand discrepancies.

It's a nice thought, but I doubt I'll make it, a dumb part of my brain is screaming just fucking do it to guilt trip my bully for the rest of my life.

And stupid, competitive me is thinking hmm...that's not a bad idea at all.

I mean, I beat the bully that way, they can't get me when I'm dead.

 

[Biggie]

You're not a burden and they're not friends if they don't support you in hardship. If they're not interested, we are mate.

Well I mean it bud. This is a difficult thing to go through with as you know, so in the meantime maybe consider it all and take the course? Give you some sort of purpose maybe, I find having a purpose helps me.

Sounds like this bully needs a block! Who gives a shit if you beat him or not in the grand scheme of it, sounds like he needs to be slapped up and sent on his way. If he's as much of an arsehole sicko as he sounds, I don't think he'll feel guilt from your death, he'll probably not bat an eyelid or actually be satisfied in himself. Focus on the things and people that mean something to you mate and yourself, not that rat that's going nowhere fast. You're different mate. You are worthy, I've really enjoyed our convo, so thank you for that

 

[Nicothe13th]

He'd feel guilty alright, he's easy to manipulate and I've managed to uncover empathy from him plenty of times.

It's just yoheu is pushing for an extreme objective that is never going to happen, and trying to bully me into submission but I don't back down, it's not in my blood.

I'd rather die.

I dunno I'll see what happens when I've got my car and money to buy barbecues.

 

[Biggie]

It's not backing down mate, it's having the ultimate upper-hand to say, you're a piece of shit and you can't hurt me anymore because I won't let you. I'm sure he hates his life too, which is why he bullies people and has nothing better to do. You've got to pity the guy really, poor sod.

 

[Nicothe13th]

@Biggie I think you're right.

Yeah he's definitely got something missing to want to dish out so much hate.

I need to make up my mind, atm I'm in limbo of life and death and just trashing my body and mind with hideously unhealthy habits.

 

[Biggie]

Look, the decision is yours mate obviously, but from my perspective you have an amazing opportunity in going to Uni and I think you have potential, honestly, I don't bullshit.

Fuck off all the irrelevant people and do this for you - I'm sure you'd really enjoy the CS course.

Its a rollercoaster of emotions for sure, always here to give another perspective if that helps you when things feel clouded.

Just take your time in whatever decision you come to, there's no rush friend.

 

[Nicothe13th]

Big up man, I appreciate that.

I know if I make it to university, I'll probably be OK, hopefully even happy.

It's a long way off especially when I'm going hour by hour, but maybe I can do it.

The loneliness is killer, I'm introverted but not this much lol, need some kind of community and social interaction atleast.

If jiu-jitsu opens up I could probably get myself there, I'd be blessed within a week of that but doing it after this bullying shit would be up there with one of the hardest things I've ever done, no cap

 

[Biggie]

Absolutely my friend.
Sad to see you go - if you've left the site for the reason we're all on here, I wish you a safe passing and everlasting peace. Likewise if you're off for your own other reasons, wish you the best. Be strong Nico.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Absolutely my friend.
Sad to see you go - if you've left the site for the reason we're all on here, I wish you a safe passing and everlasting peace. Likewise if you're off for your own other reasons, wish you the best. Be strong Nico.

He was banned for bullying, ironically enough.

 

[Biggie]

He was banned for bullying, ironically enough.

Oh dear :\ Hope he finds peace either way, nobody deserves this kind of suffering - even the ones dishing it out.