Venting So ugly that I want to die

[Undefined]

I have severe BDD and the only reason why I was able to hold this long was because of the possibility of getting surgery in the future. Now that I've made so many bad decisions it has become impossible for me to afford it. I can't even look in the mirror without feeling extreme dread, my skull is huge and far too big for my body and my nose is extremely long. I've never seen anyone who was healthy being as ugly as I am. I'm borderline deformed. I don't know what to do, I don't understand why I had to be born with this face. :(

 

[int5]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. The same thing happened to me BDD at the age of 14. I had the money to fix myself with surgery and now regret for not doing it. I wish I had an answer for you. BDD is a messed up rollercoaster.

Wish you all the best.

 

[sick.faery]

i know saying this won't probably help & people have told you this like a thousand times, but if you have bdd it's kinda garanteed you don't look like that at all. like it's litterally in the diagnostic criteria. if what you see is real, it's not bdd, so you're probably actually okay <3

i know it feels so real and everything, and like it's hard to believe your diagnosis most of the time & what people tell you because you litterally see it in the mirror, but really try to keep that in mind if you can cos if that's really the only reason why you want to die you might want to try to hang on for a little and maybe try to get help. cos you probably wouldn't want to die if you could see your face how it actually is ♥

 

[FuneralCry]

Sorry to hear you are suffering so much. I do not have that disorder but from what I've heard it can be really debilitating. Life can be painful, I wish you well.

 

[Bullit]

I'm sorry you're suffering. I can only hope you get some good medical care.

 

[Flippy]

I'm sorry you are going through this :-( I know that it's impossible to see yourself as others see you when you have this disorder :-( My sister had similar issues too. I'm not entirely sure but I think I may have this condition or something like it to a degree. I suffered from severe acne when I was younger and it left scars, but I'm the only person who seems to think they are bad. I've had surgery to fix them but my perception is that my skin looks awful :-(

It really damaged me psychologically, I couldn't look in the direction of reflective surfaces. I had to avoid strong light as I felt like it just made it all stand out so much. I still can't try clothes on in stores changing rooms as seeing my face in the mirror is the last thing I need when I'm trying to feel self assured enough to buy clothes.

I'm sure my experience is silly by comparison to yours. The only thing I will say is that sometimes I see my reflection when I don't expect to and I don't even recognise it as me at first as I don't notice the scars. It's strange. It's horrible that we have to live in our own minds sometimes.

For what it's worth, and though I'm sure that this won't have much of an impact on your perceptions (if only it were that easy), I'm sure you have a perfectly normal skull and nose. I hope that at least you might do as I have done at times and catch your reflection by accident and for a moment at least, see yourself without the "filter" from time to time and it will help break the cycle.

Do you get any help from therapists etc for this?

 

[death137]

As someone who is a genetic trash and wanting to ctb because of that I understand your pain well. Hugs!

 

[Cheemo]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way…
I used to have really bad DDB too, to the point where I covered up all my mirrors. There's still a chance for you saving up to that surgery. I know it's hard but keep looking forward to that day. You can also look up some great tutorials on makeup in the meantime. Lots of talented people out there!

 

[DesireDeath]

Are you actually ugly or not? How do other people rate you and treat you irl?

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I have severe BDD and the only reason why I was able to hold this long was because of the possibility of getting surgery in the future. Now that I've made so many bad decisions it has become impossible for me to afford it. I can't even look in the mirror without feeling extreme dread, my skull is huge and far too big for my body and my nose is extremely long. I've never seen anyone who was healthy being as ugly as I am. I'm borderline deformed. I don't know what to do, I don't understand why I had to be born with this face. :(

It's probably some form of dysmorphia friend, and I'm sure you look better than you are perceiving yourself :)

 

[Undefined]

Are you actually ugly or not? How do other people rate you and treat you irl?

not sure why you necro'd an old thread, but answering your questions in order:

yes, i am ugly. i no longer believe myself to have any kind of dysmorphia. regularly rated a 2-3/10 and generally treated with the same condescension a socially awkward child would evoke, since i am afflicted with the combination of looking particularly non-threatening while also hideous.

It's probably some form of dysmorphia friend, and I'm sure you look better than you are perceiving yourself :)

unfortunately not, but thank you for the sentiment regardless.