hate_myself
Member
- Feb 27, 2020
- 14
Today was a good day to kill myself, there was no one to stop me, left a note in my computer so they could read, and one outside my room telling them to not open the door and call 911, so that they were prepared and wouldnt have to see much.
I had always been trying to be a perfectionist, a perfect method and time and thinking about lots of things ahead.
Im previous threads I left a grand plan and all about how I was gonna wait 4 years until I decide, but upon this year christmas party I just say how much people where able to change and advance more than I could ever would.
So I decided to cut my life short, no more perfect method, no perfect plan just me, a belt and a doorknob.
Even though im still scared of the idea of death, the pain of just still being aware of the pathetic being I was made me go through, I felt nothing up until I sat down with the belt on my neck.
Dont know if it was the surface area of the belt (it was a very wide one) or just my weight wasnt being applied properly, it was more painful than choking.
Minutes came by with me not losing conciousness and I decided to scrap the idea entirely... dont have the stength of will to try again with another method.
All I want to do is sleep, if death is as easy as birth, why is it so hard to choose it or go through.
(If there is any spelling mistake do tell me, english is my second language and I hate mistakes haha)
I had always been trying to be a perfectionist, a perfect method and time and thinking about lots of things ahead.
Im previous threads I left a grand plan and all about how I was gonna wait 4 years until I decide, but upon this year christmas party I just say how much people where able to change and advance more than I could ever would.
So I decided to cut my life short, no more perfect method, no perfect plan just me, a belt and a doorknob.
Even though im still scared of the idea of death, the pain of just still being aware of the pathetic being I was made me go through, I felt nothing up until I sat down with the belt on my neck.
Dont know if it was the surface area of the belt (it was a very wide one) or just my weight wasnt being applied properly, it was more painful than choking.
Minutes came by with me not losing conciousness and I decided to scrap the idea entirely... dont have the stength of will to try again with another method.
All I want to do is sleep, if death is as easy as birth, why is it so hard to choose it or go through.
(If there is any spelling mistake do tell me, english is my second language and I hate mistakes haha)
