Panna
Enlightened
- Aug 31, 2020
- 1,006
Just got back from that dc rally with my dad and my brother. The entire time, all I could think of was how happy the people with friends looked, mainly the girls. Even after the rally, going around town and seeing the locals hanging out not being afraid to be seen in public together, that's all I could think of and it just wouldn't end. I'm not a perverted creep by any means, but it just made me jealous, I keep asking why does my personality keep me friendless, why was I born into a outlook that makes me so jealous. To be clear, I don't feel like I'm owed anything, I'm not going to attack a random person because they look happier than I do. Even on this site though, I try to be friendly, and I just don't understand what I am doing wrong. Do I not respond enough when a person shares their own problems? Am I pushing too far? Friendship is not owed as a result of kindness, because that isn't kindness, I understand this. To add, when I interact, I really am just trying to be nice, I don't want anything out of it, so please don't take my words as that. The last two days these thoughts have just intensified as a result of that trip. The entire time I felt like tossing myself in front of a bus or shouting a racial word and potentially getting myself shot. I don't even care if I do it myself anymore as long as it happens. I apologize for the mix and mash of words in post, I really just wanted to get my thoughts out of my head.