Venting so tired of people asking me what my plans are after graduation

[february in alaska]

Obviously they're going to ask, it's my final year and it's a big deal for people. Everyone asks, family members, coworkers, classmates, random strangers, everyone. I don't blame them but I feel like I'm aging another twenty years every time I have to put on a smile and laugh awkwardly and shrug kind of or make up some bullshit. I've always hated thinking about the future at all, even before I was "properly" suicidal. I hate thinking about my life stretching on and on and on and having to suffer through the rest of it still

It's my last year of schooling is most of it, I think. After this, no more school. I've been in school my entire life, and honestly I mostly went to college just because the idea of not going to school, of not having this structured kind of schedule that I understood already really scared me. It made me feel like I'm still a kid, like there's still time for me to figure my shit out. But I haven't been a kid for a long time, no matter how much I'm clinging onto the idea of it

And now it's time to graduate and start living my own life and that's not possible for me because I've been living for other people's sakes my entire life. So if it really is time to start living my own life, there's nothing there. And if I finally have the choice of what to do with my life then I'm always going to choose to end it

 

[Sittichmutter]

Yelena, you do not own explanations to anyone.
Soon, you will be free. To make your own choices.
You are probably young. Go find what you like. Give life a try.

 

[tiger b]

I actually know of a fair few teachers who stayed in education, primarily because of this. But that's just an aside.

It is a daunting crossroads you are at, and very easy to be run over by...no direction.

Best wishes

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired of that, I hate how there is a lack of acceptance towards the fact that existing isn't for everyone and that not everyone even wants to exist.

 

[pinkbluebutch]

I'm in the same boat and it's terrifying. I hate not having an answer for them and it just makes a person feel even worse and more suicidal to know they have expectations and you're not fulfilling them how you want to. If it's at all helpful, most people don't have jobs lined up straightaway for after school, and you have some time to apply and find stuff anyways, most people don't apply until the spring time. I would suggest trying to slowly note down experiences you have and maybe use an AI chat bot and feed it that to help you build a resume, that's what I do sometimes, and it makes it a lot less overwhelming. Wishing you the best with everything

Obviously they're going to ask, it's my final year and it's a big deal for people. Everyone asks, family members, coworkers, classmates, random strangers, everyone. I don't blame them but I feel like I'm aging another twenty years every time I have to put on a smile and laugh awkwardly and shrug kind of or make up some bullshit. I've always hated thinking about the future at all, even before I was "properly" suicidal. I hate thinking about my life stretching on and on and on and having to suffer through the rest of it still

It's my last year of schooling is most of it, I think. After this, no more school. I've been in school my entire life, and honestly I mostly went to college just because the idea of not going to school, of not having this structured kind of schedule that I understood already really scared me. It made me feel like I'm still a kid, like there's still time for me to figure my shit out. But I haven't been a kid for a long time, no matter how much I'm clinging onto the idea of it

And now it's time to graduate and start living my own life and that's not possible for me because I've been living for other people's sakes my entire life. So if it really is time to start living my own life, there's nothing there. And if I finally have the choice of what to do with my life then I'm always going to choose to end it

I'm curious what you studied in school. There may still be something that ignites your passion, and honestly most people I know felt MUCH less depressed after leaving school, even if they were jobless, just because a lot of those random pressures are taken off once you leave school.

 

[february in alaska]

I'm in the same boat and it's terrifying. I hate not having an answer for them and it just makes a person feel even worse and more suicidal to know they have expectations and you're not fulfilling them how you want to. If it's at all helpful, most people don't have jobs lined up straightaway for after school, and you have some time to apply and find stuff anyways, most people don't apply until the spring time. I would suggest trying to slowly note down experiences you have and maybe use an AI chat bot and feed it that to help you build a resume, that's what I do sometimes, and it makes it a lot less overwhelming. Wishing you the best with everything

I'm curious what you studied in school. There may still be something that ignites your passion, and honestly most people I know felt MUCH less depressed after leaving school, even if they were jobless, just because a lot of those random pressures are taken off once you leave school.

I'm majoring in humanities, history/art type stuff. It's not a field where job/money/stability is guaranteed. I appreciate the advice, but and honestly, I could figure it out, I could probably make something work, but none of it interests me at all anymore. Even a "good life", where I make it, and I find people, and it all works out. I'm just kind of ready to lie down and go to sleep, haha. Thank you though <3

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Just tell them you don't plan to graduate. Then maybe they'll finally leave you alone lol.

 

[february in alaska]

Just tell them you don't plan to graduate. Then maybe they'll finally leave you alone lol.

I've definitely thought about it lmao, but it would only raise more questions. Usually I just say "eh, I'll figure it out" and people have responded with things like, "wow, you sound so confident, I would be a mess" or praising me for having my life figured out. Ha.

It really is kind of funny knowing what I know. I wonder if any of them will think about these conversations once I'm gone