Nikitatos
Wizard
- Apr 10, 2024
- 659
I really want to say goodbye to some people, but I know the minute you tell your intentions to anyone, your plans and freedom are threatened. I feel so alone and isolated.
It's so strange talking to people that I see regularly and pretending like things are normal. The whole time, I'm thinking "this is the last time you'll ever see me". Really, no one is going to miss me. It probably matters to no one but me.
On one hand, my life is totalled......like a car that's not worth fixing. My best effort led to me being older, sicker, and poorer. There truly is nothing I can do. When your best effort doesn't even allow you to survive, it's time to throw in the towel.
On the other hand, death isn't a trivial matter. I'm at peace with my decision and have 100% confidence I can succeed; but it's not like stepping on an ant. It's still significant. I've been alone my whole life. I guess it's only logical that I'm alone in death.
I'm all-at-once sad, disappointed, and relieved that the end is finally here. I actually feel lucky that I'll be able to exit in a nice place with humane methods. Please pray for me to have a graceful exit.
It's so strange talking to people that I see regularly and pretending like things are normal. The whole time, I'm thinking "this is the last time you'll ever see me". Really, no one is going to miss me. It probably matters to no one but me.
On one hand, my life is totalled......like a car that's not worth fixing. My best effort led to me being older, sicker, and poorer. There truly is nothing I can do. When your best effort doesn't even allow you to survive, it's time to throw in the towel.
On the other hand, death isn't a trivial matter. I'm at peace with my decision and have 100% confidence I can succeed; but it's not like stepping on an ant. It's still significant. I've been alone my whole life. I guess it's only logical that I'm alone in death.
I'm all-at-once sad, disappointed, and relieved that the end is finally here. I actually feel lucky that I'll be able to exit in a nice place with humane methods. Please pray for me to have a graceful exit.
