So Sad

[Timothy7dff]

I really want to say goodbye to some people, but I know the minute you tell your intentions to anyone, your plans and freedom are threatened. I feel so alone and isolated.

It's so strange talking to people that I see regularly and pretending like things are normal. The whole time, I'm thinking "this is the last time you'll ever see me". Really, no one is going to miss me. It probably matters to no one but me.

On one hand, my life is totalled......like a car that's not worth fixing. My best effort led to me being older, sicker, and poorer. There truly is nothing I can do. When your best effort doesn't even allow you to survive, it's time to throw in the towel.

On the other hand, death isn't a trivial matter. I'm at peace with my decision and have 100% confidence I can succeed; but it's not like stepping on an ant. It's still significant. I've been alone my whole life. I guess it's only logical that I'm alone in death.

I'm all-at-once sad, disappointed, and relieved that the end is finally here. I actually feel lucky that I'll be able to exit in a nice place with humane methods. Please pray for me to have a graceful exit.

 

[TennTrixie]

Maybe you can leave letters to be found afterwards? So no one will be able to interfere with your plans but you'll get to say whatever you want to say? I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish you nothing but peace.

 

[BlackCatCrossing]

This was so beautifully written.

I really wish I could give you a hug.

I was just reading your posts about the delivery of your SN going awry… and now this?!

You have our attention and empathy.

 

[Timothy7dff]

Is their a song that conveys the desire to CTB more than Metallica's Fade to Black?



Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further, every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
I cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness, taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone
No one but me
Can save myself
But it's too late
Now I can't think
Think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though
It never existed
Death greets me warm
Now I will just say goodbye
Bye...

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel relief, I hope that you find freedom from suffering.