So many realizations...

[Livingvsdying25]

Realizing how much i don't want to live. Realizing how much my mind is already set on CTB

So many realizations... I want to write then all out but too much energy to do so rn.

So tell me as you have walked this journey what are some realizations have you come across?

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

That i a absolutely hate myself! I hate who i am and how I am....ive also realised i am here for my kids and once i know for sure they will be ok i need to leave i hate life!

 

[Rushon]

That I am absolutely alone in this world. I always said that I would die alone, looks like the truth now.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

That i a absolutely hate myself! I hate who i am and how I am....ive also realised i am here for my kids and once i know for sure they will be ok i need to leave i hate life!

Yeah, that hits me a lot these days. It must be hard to have all these conflicting feeling along with kids

That I am absolutely alone in this world. I always said that I would die alone, looks like the truth now.

Awh shitty feeling cause I'm i feel that too. Hope you feel a little less alone & some more comfort while on here

 

[Flume]

There's a lot I've learned. But one thing I still don't know is why my parents decided to bring me here at all... like what the fuck were they thinking? Dad is not here anymore, and if I ask this to mom she'll probably look at me weird so this will remain a mystery.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

If you're born, you're born to die.
It's murder when you try to bring out kids just so that they could die when the time comes. Why do I have to go through death? Was not being born not good enough?

 

[Foresight]

That most adults are lost as fuck, even the normal ones. We in particular just sunk into despair over it. Most "normal" people just consume consume consume the emptiness away, at least in the US. Then they reproduce and try to find meaning and have fun. Hardly anyone finds meaning, maybe a few have some fun

Work is miserable for the majority

Appearance is extremely important. First others evaluate your attractiveness, then they evaluate how fun you appear. If you fail both they don't want you around.

I've become an antinatalist and a vegan.

 

[sleepy dog]

I have realized how much genetics decide what we are. I have realized how deception prevails in this world over truth, and it causes so much suffering.

 

[LonelyLight]

That people don't mean a word they say. Well, except a handful. The world is completely fucked and its only getting worse. Basically, almost everything is shit, and almost everyones a liar. Myself included.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I realized no matter how many more attempts I will need to do to ctb I will keep trying, suck my non existing dick if you believe that it's a sign of failing everytime. I just wanna die lmao.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

I realized no matter how many more attempts I will need to do to ctb I will keep trying, suck my non existing dick if you believe that it's a sign of failing eevery time I just wanna die lmao.

I was reading your post and I'm so sorry to hear it didn't work out :(

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I was reading your post and I'm so sorry to hear it didn't work out :(

Don't worry, I will succeed hopefully very soon.

I wish you the best with whatever you choose to do tho!

 

[WilliamKline]

I've realised existence is randomness

 

[Science Is Scary]

The more philosophy I read, the less certain I feel about everything. The more science I read, the more certain I feel about everything.

My gut reactions and judgments are frequently wrong. People who seem like devils become angels when viewed from another perspective or with further evidence. People are complicated brains made of many neurons, and it's too easy to misjudge and mislabel them. Or to assume bad intentions.

It's hard for me to be objective. My biases get in the way.

 

[Wayfaerer]

When I first became suicidal, I had more realizations than I have ever had in my life.

 

[TowerUpright]

I've realized I'm very selfish...No, not the selfish pro-lifers accuse us of. But, rather, this:

So many fellow SS friends that have far, far better reasons than I to CTB. People in very bad physical pain. People in abusive relationships. People dealing with horrible trauma.I'm just an arrogant prick who doesn't like my life choices. I'm fucking petty.

My heart goes out to so many of you all. Seriously. I m not as prolific of a poster as many are, but I read a lot of threads and never comment. I feel so much for everyone.

Love to all.

 

[Jean4]

I've realized I'm very selfish...No, not the selfish pro-lifers accuse us of. But, rather, this:

So many fellow SS friends that have far, far better reasons than I to CTB. People in very bad physical pain. People in abusive relationships. People dealing with horrible trauma.I'm just an arrogant prick who doesn't like my life choices. I'm fucking petty.

My heart goes out to so many of you all. Seriously. I m not as prolific of a poster as many are, but I read a lot of threads and never comment. I feel so much for everyone.

Love to all.

Pain is pain. One type of pain isn't more important or greater than another. Talk it out. We don't judge.

 

[crea_the_hopeless]

I realize that I don't have much worth. That no matter how much ppl love me, the hate i hate for myself will always override that. I am broken. Lost. With no future. No talent. No gifts. No brains. A blob of space. Wasted space. I can't wait to ctb and make room.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Realizing how everything I believed in was a lie. This includes things I was taught by my very dumb and naive parents. "Good grades are everything, if you study well you'll be able to find a good job and you'll be happy!" Bitch where? In this economy? Nowadays it's all about connections and I don't have any. My brain is ruined due to years of abuse and depression. I didn't feel alive since I was 12 years old. I could wake up a millionare and I'd still be miserable.
This goes with realization that my parents are brainwashed sheep whose only goal in life is to slave away in a dead end job until they die.
Also the realization thast I've wasted my teenage years in isolation.

 

[charlottewilts]

people will always say that it was better in the "old times"... or that the future will be better. the truth is that for as long humanity exists, there will always be suffering, no matter how advanced our technology becomes. the human race will always find ways to torment itself...

 

[Moonicide]

That love wasn't enough to fix me and you can't hold onto people as much as you love them. They'll go as they please. You can't stop them from leaving...
People come and go, very few people out there try to help others and only look out for themselves. That hit me really hard when I was sitting in the corner of the subway having an anxiety attack and everyone just kept walking by. No one checked on me. No one wondered why there was this girl sitting on the dirty floor with all her luggage looking as if she was about to cry. Society is great.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

That love wasn't enough to fix me and you can't hold onto people as much as you love them. They'll go as they please. You can't stop them from leaving...
People come and go, very few people out there try to help others and only look out for themselves. That hit me really hard when I was sitting in the corner of the subway having an anxiety attack and everyone just kept walking by. No one checked on me. No one wondered why there was this girl sitting on the dirty floor with all her luggage looking as if she was about to cry. Society is great.

Story of my life during grade school and now. I'm falling apart mentally right now and I always look as if I'm about to cry but no one gives a damn.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

The more philosophy I read, the less certain I feel about everything. The more science I read, the more certain I feel about everything.

My gut reactions and judgments are frequently wrong. People who seem like devils become angels when viewed from another perspective or with further evidence. People are complicated brains made of many neurons, and it's too easy to misjudge and mislabel them. Or to assume bad intentions.

It's hard for me to be objective. My biases get in the way.

That's what makes it so difficult. Having a perspective. The act of thinking about something alone creates bias and destroys objectivity. To arrive somewhere you have to take a path to get there which means you can't have taken any of the other paths. To observe something changes the nature of the thing observed. It's frustrating and it means that an understanding of the truth is axiomatically impossible.

 

[Jiggers334]

That I am absolutely alone in this world. I always said that I would die alone, looks like the truth now.

Fucking same dude

 

[Rushon]

That love wasn't enough to fix me and you can't hold onto people as much as you love them. They'll go as they please. You can't stop them from leaving...
People come and go, very few people out there try to help others and only look out for themselves. That hit me really hard when I was sitting in the corner of the subway having an anxiety attack and everyone just kept walking by. No one checked on me. No one wondered why there was this girl sitting on the dirty floor with all her luggage looking as if she was about to cry. Society is great.

My girlfriend of 7 years left because I had cancer for the 2nd time. I have been there in the subway, parking lots, shopping malls, having a panic attack on the ground, no one even looks at you. I don't know what is wrong with this world.

 

[Final Escape]

I had this client ask me yesterday what are u doing with your life? Then another guy today texts me because I had my ad up. He was trying to rescue me from sex work but u really can't trust men who are throwing out the marriage card in a first time texting convo lol! Anyway, both convos led into why I'm single and why I'm doing this to support myself. I've actually come to this realization before some time ago, that at some point I knew that it was impossible for me to have a relationship with any guy.

I'm surprised how many guys don't understand that when u have untreated borderline it's virtually impossible to have a relationship where u are really close, living together. I can have light relationships where I don't see them all the time but as soon as it becomes very close that's when I can't tolerate the discomfort and insecurities surface. I tend to run away or leave guys when I'm triggered by or have a unexpected shift in how feel about something. No stable sense of self from day to day. Anyhue...