I just wish to not exist as well, I mean that's all that I've ever really wished for. I hope that you find the freedom that you are looking for as I know that it's so tiring and dreadful still being here when you want to be gone so badly.
Existence is just a cruel and unnecessary burden that is completely undesirable and there is no reason to prolong this just to inevitably suffer more. Simply just being aware of this world makes the thought of non existence sound so incredibly appealing to me and it's extremely horrific how the society that we exist in makes it so we have to struggle so much in finding ways to leave. The way that I see it, having to exist is a punishment and we have to pay the price because of the decisions of others to selfishly procreate. Pretty much every waking moment of mine is spent wishing to die.