We were a big group. Many people also in this forum told me not to do it. I have found a way. I told them that I could tell an anecdote which is not appropriate for a self-help group. I told them I will change the anecdote because it is not good for a self-help group. There was a voting everyone wanted to listen to my topic which I brought to the table.
I told them that in my free-time I am reading and sometimes interacting from/with people with extremely cruel fates. And that I interacted with people I could not help. (alluding they committed suicide)
Basically I turned it into an antinatalism and nihilism debate and not about suicide forums themselves.
I told them that I feel pretty uncomfortable imagining people with the worst fates on this planet. I told them I am not talking about people who have a hard time. I rather told them I think about people in 1:1 million cases. People with severe brain damage combined with other shit, excruciating pain non stop, unable to communicate, things like locked in syndrom only worse. I told them I don't want to make the case that everyone with locked in syndrom wants to die. Someone tried to push me into that corner. I told them there are 8 billion people on this planet. Statistically it is very likely there are a few thousand in unimaginable pain for decades with no relief. Maybe these people can't even commit suicide. I told them for my mental health I try to distract me from that fact. But it comes to a question of what is more important. The truth or the fact I don't want to feel bad. I made some of them pretty speechless. Some got offended by my remarks. For some of them it was hard to imagine that there are such cases. They argumented also people with depression can have a good time, my grandpa when he was old in a bad place told us to enjoy the good time of life even more and to appreciate the good times. I told him well your granddad probably had this opinion because in the past he had a good time. But there are people who experienced abuse and violence since childhood and it only got worse for them.
Honestly, I pretty much destroyed them. I ruined everyone's mood. Lmao. Many thought I want to allude that life is meaningless with so much suffering. I told them I don't think so. Meaning is very subjective. I see some meaning in my life. However, my meaning often only distracts me that there are cases on this planet who don't have meaning at all and only suffer 24/7 over decades. I think someone feared this is somewhat of a manifesto of my suicide. She looked concerned.
Some wanted to say I would lack empathy towards such cases. I replied its the complete opposite. I think we should invest way more resources to help such cases. But the reality is that these cases are extremely complicated and I don't see a major breakthrough in these very seldom cases. All we can do is cosmetics. We can help them a little which is not much if you are in excruciating pain since decades. I told them we in the Western world give them a little bit empathy. Someones was extremely offended by that. "Do you want to imply only Western people give empathy to such cases, think about what you just said there". I told them we in the West at least pretend to care about such cases. Considering the health care system etc. We give them some peanuts to feel better. In other places of the world they rot in the streets. I said I don't mean the people would be more empathetic in the West I rather meant the welfare system and the way politicians posture themselves. They pretend to care and give at least some help.l
I told them I don't want to imply we all should just kill ourselves. And that this would be the solution. I told them I rather think that producing more children into this world fuels this Russian roulette and I feel uncomfortable to take part in it. One of them told me considering the German history we should be careful not to evaluate there is life not worth of living. I think I could also deliver a good rebuttal on that.
I never mentioned the word suicide forum once. But my goal was achieved. How can one live despite knowing there is so much extreme suffering in this world? I wanted an answer of that. How can I deal with extremely brutal fates without becoming cynical, numb, unempathetic, cold, nihilistic or inhuman. However, their answers were not that good. Some were interesting. I found it funny that I offended someone a lot. I think most people are pretty good at fading out what is happening in this world. And I told them it is probably more healthy to do that.
I am one small screw in this running earth. I cannot change much. I feel pretty powerless.
Someone in this group wants to meet me in private but he is a lot into drugs and I am scared about that. I will have to reject him politely.
I had a love delusion concerning my former crush in the group. I told them last week that I had a good time with the woman I am dating. And today my former crush treated me completely differently. First I thought she was interested in me noticing that other woman are interested in me. Realizing her fault. Lmao. But my friends told me it sounds paranoid as fuck. Which is probably true. I am not sleeping enough. I think her behavior changed because she thought my love delusions would be now over. However, that's wrong. Despite the fact I enjoy the time with the woman from that dating app I still have love delusions. Which is pretty pretty shitty.
I told them that in my free-time I am reading and sometimes interacting from/with people with extremely cruel fates. And that I interacted with people I could not help. (alluding they committed suicide)
Basically I turned it into an antinatalism and nihilism debate and not about suicide forums themselves.
I told them that I feel pretty uncomfortable imagining people with the worst fates on this planet. I told them I am not talking about people who have a hard time. I rather told them I think about people in 1:1 million cases. People with severe brain damage combined with other shit, excruciating pain non stop, unable to communicate, things like locked in syndrom only worse. I told them I don't want to make the case that everyone with locked in syndrom wants to die. Someone tried to push me into that corner. I told them there are 8 billion people on this planet. Statistically it is very likely there are a few thousand in unimaginable pain for decades with no relief. Maybe these people can't even commit suicide. I told them for my mental health I try to distract me from that fact. But it comes to a question of what is more important. The truth or the fact I don't want to feel bad. I made some of them pretty speechless. Some got offended by my remarks. For some of them it was hard to imagine that there are such cases. They argumented also people with depression can have a good time, my grandpa when he was old in a bad place told us to enjoy the good time of life even more and to appreciate the good times. I told him well your granddad probably had this opinion because in the past he had a good time. But there are people who experienced abuse and violence since childhood and it only got worse for them.
Honestly, I pretty much destroyed them. I ruined everyone's mood. Lmao. Many thought I want to allude that life is meaningless with so much suffering. I told them I don't think so. Meaning is very subjective. I see some meaning in my life. However, my meaning often only distracts me that there are cases on this planet who don't have meaning at all and only suffer 24/7 over decades. I think someone feared this is somewhat of a manifesto of my suicide. She looked concerned.
Some wanted to say I would lack empathy towards such cases. I replied its the complete opposite. I think we should invest way more resources to help such cases. But the reality is that these cases are extremely complicated and I don't see a major breakthrough in these very seldom cases. All we can do is cosmetics. We can help them a little which is not much if you are in excruciating pain since decades. I told them we in the Western world give them a little bit empathy. Someones was extremely offended by that. "Do you want to imply only Western people give empathy to such cases, think about what you just said there". I told them we in the West at least pretend to care about such cases. Considering the health care system etc. We give them some peanuts to feel better. In other places of the world they rot in the streets. I said I don't mean the people would be more empathetic in the West I rather meant the welfare system and the way politicians posture themselves. They pretend to care and give at least some help.l
I told them I don't want to imply we all should just kill ourselves. And that this would be the solution. I told them I rather think that producing more children into this world fuels this Russian roulette and I feel uncomfortable to take part in it. One of them told me considering the German history we should be careful not to evaluate there is life not worth of living. I think I could also deliver a good rebuttal on that.
I never mentioned the word suicide forum once. But my goal was achieved. How can one live despite knowing there is so much extreme suffering in this world? I wanted an answer of that. How can I deal with extremely brutal fates without becoming cynical, numb, unempathetic, cold, nihilistic or inhuman. However, their answers were not that good. Some were interesting. I found it funny that I offended someone a lot. I think most people are pretty good at fading out what is happening in this world. And I told them it is probably more healthy to do that.
I am one small screw in this running earth. I cannot change much. I feel pretty powerless.
Someone in this group wants to meet me in private but he is a lot into drugs and I am scared about that. I will have to reject him politely.
I had a love delusion concerning my former crush in the group. I told them last week that I had a good time with the woman I am dating. And today my former crush treated me completely differently. First I thought she was interested in me noticing that other woman are interested in me. Realizing her fault. Lmao. But my friends told me it sounds paranoid as fuck. Which is probably true. I am not sleeping enough. I think her behavior changed because she thought my love delusions would be now over. However, that's wrong. Despite the fact I enjoy the time with the woman from that dating app I still have love delusions. Which is pretty pretty shitty.
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