So I tried to hang myself and failed.

[mycabbages]

Couple of days ago, I felt it was time. I had practiced and prepped for this for quite a while. Finished my short-drop full suspension hanging setup, chugged half a bottle of rum with help of some lime juice, and when I started feeling woozy, I stepped onto a stool. The rope was sturdy and could support my full weight when I tested several times prior. It was fixed onto a wooden closet door. I placed the noose around my neck, tightening it, then I just stood there recalling some grateful moments I've had in this life. I suppose I blacked-out or slipped. When I regained consciousness I was having trouble breathing, realized I was in the floor then I saw the closet door was busted. I couldn't see the rope over the door though. It had snapped too, the tightened noose was still on my neck thus the trouble breathing. I removed the noose and the padding then just sat down and cried, wailing, making weird noises. I hadn't cried in months, maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the realization that the attempt I had poured the most preparation and research had failed me too. Can't tell how long I cried but when it stopped I layed down on my bed and quickly fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of night with an intense headache. Took couple of pills but don't think it helped much. For now, parts of my scalp and neck hurt when I touch it and got some bruising on my neck. Luckily no one seems to have noticed much, besides perhaps the neighbors hearing me wail. I got plenty of rope left still, so maybe I'll try again soon by fixing it to an actual door this time.

I don't really know why I even wrote this. Most of the times I write stuff and end up not posting anything, I'm really shy and my english sucks. Maybe I really need the venting this time.
tl;dr - I guess, make sure your setup is really sturdy.

 

[YukiFox]

I don't really know why I even wrote this. Most of the times I write stuff and end up not posting anything, I'm really shy and my english sucks. Maybe I really need the venting this time.

It's okay to share your experience here. You have the right to venting and expose your thoughts and feelings. This is a safe place and people like me are openly to help or counseling.
I hope you can find the path who gives you peace to your soul.
Blessings

 

[Cheshirecatx]

If you don't remember much of the blacking out or slipping, it was probably in the wrong place due to the state of mind hence why it didn't work or you probably had an SI moment of saving yourself. I'm surprised how much damage you said it caused, must of been a nasty amount of impact to have caused it honestly.

hope you find what you're looking for eventually. I'm trying the same method as you have.
Take care of yourself.

 

[mycabbages]

It's okay to share your experience here. You have the right to venting and expose your thoughts and feelings. This is a safe place and people like me are openly to help or counseling.
I hope you can find the path who gives you peace to your soul.
Blessings

Thank you for the reminder. I suppose this is one of the reasons people join this community, including myself. I like that your title is healing druid too. :)

If you don't remember much of the blacking out or slipping, it was probably in the wrong place due to the state of mind hence why it didn't work or you probably had an SI moment of saving yourself. I'm surprised how much damage you said it caused, must of been a nasty amount of impact to have caused it honestly.

hope you find what you're looking for eventually. I'm trying the same method as you have.
Take care of yourself.

I had the rope setup so I could only place the noose on my neck once I was standing on a stool. I did wake up with noose on my neck, so I think it went as intended, sort of. Just perhaps my falling weight was too much and both the door and the rope busted.

Thanks. Good luck with yours.

 

[Moonicide]

Whenever I hear someone not succeeding with their ctb method, it always breaks my heart. Because I can only imagine how painful that must be. More painful than being alive in that moment... It's like, well, and I can't even die properly. My heart truly goes out to you and I am sorry you spent your night on the floor crying until you were able to get yourself into bed. I hope one day you find the peace you've always been seeking, until then just know we are here for you. And thank you for sharing your pain, struggles, and story with us.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

Any time we finally get the urge to attempt, it takes a tremendous amount of courage and will power to go through with it. It's not shocking that to wake up afterward caused you immense grief. But don't lose faith in yourself. You found one way that won't work. So now you know not to try that way again.