Story So. I told my mother.

[MeriDeath]

It was yesterday while I was talking to my selfish mother. We don't have the best connection and I tried to talk to someone to get some things off of my chest. Somehow I was so depressed I told her I'm ready to die and I have everything ready, I asked her whether she would be sad over me dying or not. Her natural answer was of course, I'm not gonna lie, but it didn't seem to really move her. She knows I'm suffering. But what more surprised me is, and I quote "you will put us to shame if you kill yourself, what are people gonna think? That I had been mistreating you? What are people gonna say about our family?"
Yeah very nice mom that's the answer I wanted to hear. Talking about stupidity. Anyway I knew I shouldn't have told her anything. It's not like you can have a normal conversation with a relic of the previous century. Not surprised. Hurt. To be honest. Disappointed. Frustrated. I don't know, is that answer even normal? Idk anymore

 

[Deleted member 22624]

I'd definitely be hurt too, really harsh. But maybe it's better to establish these things anyway. To combine two clichés, the truth hurts, but can set you free

 

[LastFlowers]

Worried about her reputation, huh? Yikes.
My mother has alluded to something similar. Whenever I think she's actually getting upset about what I have to deal with, it turns out it was only about her. One time she was worried I was going to come out with public "blog posts" about what a horrible mother she was. Just because I was typing into my notes around her. I don't even interact with anyone and have no social media, and she thinks I'm going to do that? Yea, no. A vague anonymous posting on SS is as close as I would get to that sort of thing.

I think my parents will be the ones to blame me for my death as they did for my life, because they don't want to take any responsibility or hits to their reputation, so they will do everything to destroy mine and make sure all the fault is on me. They will never set the record straight about the real reasons why I was forced into killing myself, they will just pin me down to being a nutter or "'mentally ill".
My father has even threatened to sabotage me with my own medical records whenever I've tried to help myself or whenever I have pointed out how insane and cruel he is.
I hate being dependent on these people at this age, but they are the reason that I am...they put me into this shitty flesh prison and began the domino effect of trauma physically and mentally. I think they are secretly glad I cannot fend for myself, that I have no control, that I have to hide. They take advantage of it and then cry victim.
They are glad that the one child who would have outshined them, who would have fought them tooth and nail on all things, who would have stood up to them, who would otherwise never put up with this shit...is battered and defeated, caged to a broken body.

I don't understand why people have children.
I wasn't born with any lack of mental faculty, I didn't get into trouble, I was a good student, I can count on one hand the amount of times I've drank, I've never smoked, or done any drugs, I never did anything to deserve the card I was handed and the reaction of my parents from handing it to me.
I was simply a consequence of circumstances outside of my control and they still find a way to make me the bad guy, to make themselves the victims, to fault me at every corner.
There is no true empathy or even sympathy.

I am sorry you have to deal with a parent like that OP. If no one else, we should at least have trusted parents who understand and have genuine compassion for our situations.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I'd feel hurt too. Sorry that your mum is more concerned about what other people will think rather than be concerned about you and your wellbeing.

You can talk to us instead if you need to get things off your chest.