Story So i gain immortality of some kind but i have to Die. I just don't fit.

[Hans Voralberg]

I talked with main editor of Akcent magazine. This is one of the best literature, poetry and humanistic science magazine in Poland. Many well know poets and writers debut there. He was amazed by my poetry. He said that they will print my poems in this magazine and will help me gain scholarship from town president so i can publish book with 40 of my poems. They will patronite it and give it to their editor. My dream come true. Having poetry book published by Akcent is literally equiwalent to become immortalised in my country. I learnt about poets who debut there during my literature classes and now i will be one of them. But i feel i just don't fit in this world anymore . I am always sleepy because of depresion. I can't comunicate with people properly. Sometimes i am too open and honest and make fau pac. Life was easier when i was full introwert. I just don't fit to other people and feel do lonely. I was at party two days ago and i got drunk i have to chill after everything mother done to me and i start talking how much lonely am and how much i crave for emotionally and physicall connection with other person event Tiny Spark of intimacy. And my friend start to talk how much her ex hurt Jim and how much he hate her. I just don't fit into relationship anymore. I want CTB after publishing my book and sending it to my fucking mother so she she will know how much her son achieved in his life. I hate feeling disconection with others i hate this emptiness. I have to sent one book to my literature teacher from high school. She need to see this before i go.
Puzzles

lonely in language when a
one word too much destroys everything
foreign touching of hands
between truth and falsehood
who I am allowed to be
Who I am

forgotten proportions
i'm dying of shame
like a strange puzzle
in an unknown box
no one taught me
what it's like to connect
too honest too insecure
too quiet too loud

i only know part of myself
the rest is with someone else.
tonight I will sleep alone again.

 

[jodes2]

Well done for having goals and ambitions. You might even choose not to CTB if you have some success. I would be very happy about that

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

I talked with main editor of Akcent magazine. This is one of the best literature, poetry and humanistic science magazine in Poland. Many well know poets and writers debut there. He was amazed by my poetry. He said that they will print my poems in this magazine and will help me gain scholarship from town president so i can publish book with 40 of my poems. They will patronite it and give it to their editor. My dream come true. Having poetry book published by Akcent is literally equiwalent to become immortalised in my country. I learnt about poets who debut there during my literature classes and now i will be one of them. But i feel i just don't fit in this world anymore . I am always sleepy because of depresion. I can't comunicate with people properly. Sometimes i am too open and honest and make fau pac. Life was easier when i was full introwert. I just don't fit to other people and feel do lonely. I was at party two days ago and i got drunk i have to chill after everything mother done to me and i start talking how much lonely am and how much i crave for emotionally and physicall connection with other person event Tiny Spark of intimacy. And my friend start to talk how much her ex hurt Jim and how much he hate her. I just don't fit into relationship anymore. I want CTB after publishing my book and sending it to my fucking mother so she she will know how much her son achieved in his life. I hate feeling disconection with others i hate this emptiness. I have to sent one book to my literature teacher from high school. She need to see this before i go.
Puzzles

lonely in language when a
one word too much destroys everything
foreign touching of hands
between truth and falsehood
who I am allowed to be
Who I am

forgotten proportions
i'm dying of shame
like a strange puzzle
in an unknown box
no one taught me
what it's like to connect
too honest too insecure
too quiet too loud

i only know part of myself
the rest is with someone else.
tonight I will sleep alone again.

Brawo!!! 40 wierszy to dużo roboty, musisz być naprawdę wartościowy, utalentowany i pracowity jeśli opublikują cie w Akcencie. Myślę że to otworzy dużo drzwi do dalszego rozwoju i bycia jeszcze bardziej immortalised. Jestem ciekawa dlaczego myślisz o ctb? Jeśli chcesz się wyżalić, pogadać lub dostać jakieś rady PM me. Z chęcią przeczytałabym twoje wiersze. Przykro mi z powodu mamy. Mam nadzieję że się do mnie odezwiesz, możemy pogadać o czymś totalnie innym, jeśli uważasz że otworzenie się przed podobną osobą nie pomoże. Ale uwierz, rozumiem