So hard to find people that understand

[Str57]

Everyone say the same thing over and over again and again, but I want to talk to someone that can really understand me, and my attempts to find someone like that have mostly backfired, everyone is so scared of suicide like if it was the biggest tragedy in the world, it is more tragic to keep making suffering someone because you are to selfish to let them have a solution, and sorry if I sound angry or anything, but the attempts of making me feel guilty for my own fucking dead are making me mad, at first I suffered because of them, but, if everyone is so selfish to keep me living against my own will, why the fuck should I care about their feelings if they don't care about mines, it isq all part of the same twisted joke, and I am tired of it.
I don't have the will, or the strength or even the fucking interest to keep living, but all say that I would be wasting my life and shit like that, sorry for all the trouble but it is MY FUCKING LIFE, I should decide whathever the fuck I want, and I think that, as a result of the actions of everyone, I am strating to lost myself, my actitude, my personality, there is just sometimes indifference, others rage and others I just feel fucking tired man.
I want to be understood by someone so badly, someone of my age and that lives near me and ignore everything, but even then, someone feeling the things as I do is not going to appear at my door, finding that kind of person is difficult, because this world punches you very hard if you try to open yourself about this topic, so there is no other option other than to hide it. It's so frustrating.
I feel as if my interest for relationships with others has just disappeared, and there is only one person that somewhat understand me, and even then, the same words I have heard from everyone were said by that person, which makes my thoughts and feelings more confusing, This feels like the only place where I can talk openly, and that's one of my only reliefs.
Sorry for my rant, I am just tired of this bullshit.

 

[AshClouds]

I can relate. Theres nobody I know that I could confide in because they would never understand. I don't tell people about my depression, those moments where I just break down sobbing, wanting to die, or the fact that I'm suicidal. Telling someone would lead to really bad outcomes.
It sucks we live in a world that stigmatized and punishes people for feeling a certain way.
It's been a while for me, I know what its like wanting to get it off your chest, but knowing you can't because ironically its ultimately counter productive to any efforts at recovery.

 

[tired0zymandias]

I understand how tou feel. Same as here. The people who knowing that I'm suicidal its like yeah they kinda understand until they backstabbing me with telling my mom.

And as a very extrovert person its really hard for me to keep it cool. Because when I'm quite they're questioning me. Because I was attempted suicide before.

However I have a person who's suicidal too, we discuss the things but not much into details. I don't even tell her my method, when, or where. She just know it and very supportive.

I think just play it cool. And ignore everyone who irritated you.

If you need supportive partner feel free to pm me. Since I have nothing to do. I have no jobs, no girlfriend, no best friends.

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot stand those anti-suicide people, in my opinion they are certainly best avoided, the view that people must continue suffering no matter what is just so insensitive to me, I also have no interest in existing, I could never see a point to it, in my case I will always prefer the sound of permanent nothingness.

 

[Blue Elephant]

@FuneralCry Ah, if only we could avoid the whole damn planet.. : )

 

[CtlvrX]

I really understand you. No one can tell you what you have to do with your (!) life. They don't have this darkness, the pain inside them. They don't have to go through this every f**** day. So please decide about your life yourself and find your peace - in ctb or life. What really freaks me out is that I can't tell someone about my real thoughts. Can not talk about the painfull suicide thoughts who are killing me. And when you do, they say only the same phrases who everyone does.