So annoying.. when people say you don’t really want to die otherwise you would have succeeded…

[Willthishelp?]

People think it's easy to commit.. if you fail or chicken out you don't really want too.. Abd if you succeed you are a failure ik their eyes..

I feel a failure too..

 

[wait.what]

The first thing that comes to mind is: "You obviously don't want to be a real person, otherwise you would have succeeded."

There's also always the evergreen: "That'll do, pig. That'll do."

Probably unhelpful to actually say either.

 

[UKscotty]

I think it's that so many people muddy the waters with attemps such as ODs, poison or cutting, which very rarely work.

Then the problem is that even if it is attention seeking or cry for help, there's not much the medical staff can do anyway. Take a few questionnaires and send people on their way.

 

[Willthishelp?]

I think it's that so many people muddy the waters with attemps such as ODs, poison or cutting, which very rarely work.

Then the problem is that even if it is attention seeking or cry for help, there's not much the medical staff can do anyway. Take a few questionnaires and send people on their way.

Exactly

Exactly

If only I knew sn would work…

 

[Ambivalent1]

I think that way if a person has tried many times to die and failed. How does one fail like 5 times? Stalin said about his suicidal son who failed, "He couldn't even do that right."

 

[Willthishelp?]

The first thing that comes to mind is: "You obviously don't want to be a real person, otherwise you would have succeeded."

There's also always the evergreen: "That'll do, pig. That'll do."

Probably unhelpful to actually say either.

If only I knew sn would work..

I think that way if a person has tried many times to die and failed. How does one fail like 5 times? Stalin said about his suicidal son who failed, "He couldn't even do that right."

If only I knew sn would work

 

[front of me]

I don't care what people say, some will fake your death even if they see your corpse, it's all about me and what I want to do

 

[Kerrtu]

I think that way if a person has tried many times to die and failed. How does one fail like 5 times? Stalin said about his suicidal son who failed, "He couldn't even do that right."

About to order a genetic test to see if my father is somehow related to Stalin. This post resonates so much though, for real - my father was utterly disgusted by me after my first failed attempt…then the second…the look of contempt in his eyes, the mocking.

I've touched on this in the forum before; after I broke my neck (not due to an attempt - I had slipped on ice and basically landed full force with the back of my head absorbing the impact. Occipital Condyle fracture for anyone curious) - 6 weeks into that recovery, my husband filed for divorce. I had been feeling optimistic for reconciliation up to that point. I remember being in the aspen collar which really allows one to look forward or up, and I thought to myself well, I can only look up (tried to find a silver lining).

Anyhow - when I told my father, he had this smirk on his face and asked me what did I think was going to happen? How was I surprised?

I felt so dejected, I went upstairs and laid on the floor. I removed the collar and tried twisting my head which no…I couldn't do it. It hurt badly and tbh, I feared hearing any pop sound.

Looking back, if I had just pushed harder, I could've snapped it. It was one of the lowest points of my life.

 

[Willthishelp?]

About to order a genetic test to see if my father is somehow related to Stalin. This post resonates so much though, for real - my father was utterly disgusted by me after my first failed attempt…then the second…the look of contempt in his eyes, the mocking.

I've touched on this in the forum before; after I broke my neck (not due to an attempt - I had slipped on ice and basically landed full force with the back of my head absorbing the impact. Occipital Condyle fracture for anyone curious) - 6 weeks into that recovery, my husband filed for divorce. I had been feeling optimistic for reconciliation up to that point. I remember being in the aspen collar which really allows one to look forward or up, and I thought to myself well, I can only look up (tried to find a silver lining).

Anyhow - when I told my father, he had this smirk on his face and asked me what did I think was going to happen? How was I surprised?

I felt so dejected, I went upstairs and laid on the floor. I removed the collar and tried twisting my head which no…I couldn't do it. It hurt badly and tbh, I feared hearing any pop sound.

Looking back, if I had just pushed harder, I could've snapped it. It was one of the lowest points of my life.

So sorry you had to go through this…

 

[Kerrtu]

So sorry you had to go through this…

I appreciate your compassion

It was a bit of a long recovery - speech therapy, physical therapy. The speech therapist and the physical therapist both were so wonderful. Then I'd go out to my father waiting in the parking lot looking all inconvenienced.

I should've signed up for medical transport as I was eligible. Still am. I don't drive anymore because I forget which peddle is the brake - simple things remain foggy, and I don't ever want to risk crashing into anyone. There are times I miss driving, and riding a bicycle. I really wanted to get roller skates as I love to roller skate but yeah…I don't know how that would work out. I'd love to go to a rink before I CTB.



The accident happened in January of 2016. Left was me being lifted to the state hospital as the local hospital didn't have a neurosurgery department, and they were unsure if they were going to operate.

I remember once I got there, a nurse gave me a phone to call my sister. I told her, if they go forward and try surgery, if something goes wrong and I end up a vegetable - pull the plug.

What I liked a lot during recovery was practicing painting

 

[leloyon]

They haven't experienced survival instinct to know how powerful it is, nor do they realise how unappealing easily accessible methods are or the success rate of said methods.
Yeah, sure, I could slit my wrist right now, and then go through incredible pain and either die an agonising death or get found out either due to my reactions or due to anyone happening upon me, and then go through those around me freaking out and putting me on suicide watch, pushing me further away from my goal.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

People think it's easy to commit.. if you fail or chicken out you don't really want too.. Abd if you succeed you are a failure ik their eyes..

I feel a failure too..

Even preparing a method and getting the things ready is much more courageous than just saying stupid things and CTB is such a hard task even if someone wants it so much. They don't understand how much failing hurts.

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot stand it when people say that, those people are just so insensitive and ignorant. If people are completely unaware of how difficult suicide truly is they really shouldn't have any right to make comments about it, I don't understand what makes people think that suicide is straightforward especially as we exist in such an anti-suicide society where peaceful and reliable method options are restricted.

 

[アホペンギン]

Its just ignorance, they always doubt that we are actually capable of ctb and mock us for that, telling us that we don't really want to die. They have no idea how much of a hassle it is trying to plan the ctb without their intervention and then when we ctb they say that we took the easy way out instead of actually putting some effort into getting better. What they don't understand is, though, it is virtually impossible to get better in this inhumane society, truthfully, no one actually gives a shit about our mental health and only profit off of our vulnerability.

 

[Willthishelp?]

I appreciate your compassion

It was a bit of a long recovery - speech therapy, physical therapy. The speech therapist and the physical therapist both were so wonderful. Then I'd go out to my father waiting in the parking lot looking all inconvenienced.

I should've signed up for medical transport as I was eligible. Still am. I don't drive anymore because I forget which peddle is the brake - simple things remain foggy, and I don't ever want to risk crashing into anyone. There are times I miss driving, and riding a bicycle. I really wanted to get roller skates as I love to roller skate but yeah…I don't know how that would work out. I'd love to go to a rink before I CTB.

View attachment 119234

The accident happened in January of 2016. Left was me being lifted to the state hospital as the local hospital didn't have a neurosurgery department, and they were unsure if they were going to operate.

I remember once I got there, a nurse gave me a phone to call my sister. I told her, if they go forward and try surgery, if something goes wrong and I end up a vegetable - pull the plug.

What I liked a lot during recovery was practicing painting

You are so beautiful inside and out

 

[Takamagahara]

The comment misses the point that suicidal people generally don't want to actually die, the goal is generally to end pain, suffering, and/or perception. So it's silly from its very premise.

 

[Ashu]

Yeah, they don't know shit. People usually make one or more failed attempts before succeeding.

 

[toofargone6969]

Those comments are so hurtful. They completely misunderstand what its like to be suicidal. Non suicidal people also think suicide is easy and simple, like flipping a switch.

 

[Kerrtu]

You are so beautiful inside and out

Oh @Willthishelp? - you are as well, such a sweet comment

Some may find it contradictory in the so-called "real world" how someone like me, or like any member here in the forum, can have a tremendous amount of love in their heart, yet want to end their life. So many here have shown such compassion and such genuine kindness towards each other - it inspires me, brings me to tears of joy at times (see "off topic" - I laugh so much there with @Rogue Proxy @Praestat_Mori @Per Ardua Ad Astra @One day too late and many others), it has rendered me speechless at times…as I almost was when I began to write this. This is the only space where I feel I can truly be, and trust in the friends I've made here.

There are many members here who have touched my heart and made me laugh on the worst of days, many who have shown me kindness just by sending me a hug.

I send a hug to you now, and I thank you for such a sweet comment, you beautiful soul

When my bus comes, I choose to be with you all. I wouldn't want it any other way - my deepest respect for this forum, for its members, and to the mods ♡

 

[Willthishelp?]

Oh @Willthishelp? - you are as well, such a sweet comment

Some may find it contradictory in the so-called "real world" how someone like me, or like any member here in the forum, can have a tremendous amount of love in their heart, yet want to end their life. So many here have shown such compassion and such genuine kindness towards each other - it inspires me, brings me to tears of joy at times (see "off topic" - I laugh so much there with @Rogue Proxy @Praestat_Mori @Per Ardua Ad Astra @One day too late and many others), it has rendered me speechless at times…as I almost was when I began to write this. This is the only space where I feel I can truly be, and trust in the friends I've made here.

There are many members here who have touched my heart and made me laugh on the worst of days, many who have shown me kindness just by sending me a hug.

I send a hug to you now, and I thank you for such a sweet comment, you beautiful soul

When my bus comes, I choose to be with you all. I wouldn't want it any other way - my deepest respect for this forum, for its members, and to the mods ♡

What's your ctb method ? Is wish I knew my sn works..

 

[Kerrtu]

What's your ctb method ? Is wish I knew my sn works..

SN

 

[Willthishelp?]

SN

But don't know if it work.. sn show both high nitrate and nitrate in test..

SN

Can you om me your source and if you tested it?

 

[Kerrtu]

Have you been testing it a lot? Did you acquire the SN recently and was the source legit? Not asking for the source, just wondering if maybe you've got food grade Sodium Nitrite. It seems you've been testing it. I'm sorry for the uncertainty at this point. It can definitely be nerve wracking if it's all one has. I get anxious when I forget where I've stored it.

Chemistry is not a strong suit for me. My understanding is the nitrite, when continuously exposed to air and/or improperly stored, will eventually turn to nitrate. I am probably wrong about that so please don't take my word for it.

I have read of nitrate turning to nitrite once ingested, though in small amounts and this would be with good grade nitrite. I'm not sure if this is the case.

The SN I have is 99.6% reagent grade and remains factory sealed. I'm not opening it until I am absolutely ready. Trying to keep it as simple as I can.

I'm sure you probably have checked the SN posts/megathreads and maybe even Stan's guide - worth a shot to re-examine the SN information here.

 

[Willthishelp?]

I opened few times, vendor says that opening slides not matter but I am very unsure, it aleasy in the first test showers high nitrate and nitrite it is supposed to be a good source ..