Method SN worries.

[Livingvsdying25]

Just saw a post that reminded me of my worries.

If it wasn't already obvious I'm a bit on the OCD side of anxiety.

But anyway... the effects... I'm worried about many aspects and tend to overthink things but I think in desiring to kill myself overthinking isnt too bad tbh.

I guess I am worried about the side effects as I'm dying like what if they are so severe / uncomfortable that I end up calling 911... ugh I can already picture myself doing it.


After escaping / moving away 2 yrs ago and starting to heal... I've become way more alive & aware of my bodies discomfort.

Just having really low blood sugar the other day made me feel panicked....

Like damn is there even a method for me? Do I needa just attempt to go through the MAID process which could take a yr for the whole process and while there is no guarantees about being approved I may have a decent enough chance?


I dunno y'all I just wanna be able to die by my own hands but maybe I can't do it. Also worry about any damage if I fail...

While these are very real concerns I can't let em stop me from acquiring it. Buttt that's how my brain works. If I don't feel like something is possible or I can't imagine it or work it out mentally then I'm not motivated.

I've been on the fence about the likelihood of me being able to do SN for years tbh.

I dunno how to quell these fears/worries. Last thing I wanna fucking do is have my medical file flagged for a suicide attempt. Would probs be forced to stop my ADHD meds & benzo and I literally can't survive without em. They help so much with the ADHD & CPTSD.

Sighhhhsss why must suicide be so hard. It's so easy to think about and imagine but then imagining the actual steps and I feel soo much anxiety.

Well these are thoughts ima revisit this week before I buy SN or actually apply for MAID. this week maybe I'll just do both why can't we just push a button near our hearts or smthin to die like wanting to kill myself is already a lot to live with but then gotta add in the difficulties of actually doing it.

Should I bother even buying SN if me being able to take it without panicking is like 50% possible? I dunnoooo shall decide by Monday.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I know what you mean, I am prone to panic as well and I can just tell how I'll react as soon as I take SN. That's why I won't go with that method unless I can get Benzos. I panic over everything, I feel so trapped because I don't wanna die ANY death (even a natural one unless it's in my sleep!) and SN seems the most peaceful. But I get it-pain isn't the only consideration, feeling sick/dizzy/faint and panicking is also very scary. I can picture myself calling for help as well, I had a panic attack one time and almost felt like calling for help. I hate that feeling of not being in control.

May I ask why you want to CTB at all if you are healing though? Sorry I don't know your circumstances, just curious but you can tell me to mind my own business if you like! As for MAID-I have no idea about that, it's worth a shot though if you would be eligible? It's always best to go the official route if you can I guess.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate how suicide is purposely made so difficult and complicated in this world, to me trying to force people to suffer is so inhumane but I think if people are able to get legalised assisted suicide then they really are fortunate, it's not even an option in my country at all. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.