SN soon .. it seems

[Pikashuu83]

So I have located my SN supplier who is willing to hand it to me OTC. I have all other elements and medicines ready. seems like the bus is coming faster than imagined. And surprisingly I still don't feel a thing. Literally 0, I just am waiting when I have the stuff on hand and I can start my 48 hour regiem

It's sad, I don't feel fear, anxiousness, or any other emotion. Just goes to show how emotionally numb I have gone. I used to be a soft, emotional person. Guess that's dead now.

If I am able to get my hands on my SN today, I start regime tomorrow, and get a hotel on Sunday to CTB.

THIS IS MY PLAN-
23 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
22:30: 10mg Meto

24 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
2245: 10mg Meto
22:45: xanax 100mg
22:50: cimetidine (double the suggested dosage)
2330: 25g SN in 100mL water

Please point me out if anything seems off about the regime.

I was initially planning to go hotel for the 2 days but suspicions will arise. So I'll be just going there in my fasting hours.

I am at more peace to proceed with this now, because I came out to a friend of mine and I appreciate his support, but at the end of the day it did not awaken any if my positive emotions, at the end of it I was intoxicated and was planning my CTB again.

It's sad I won't be even able to talk to the people I love before I leave. I cannot go home, cannot talk to my ex. It makes me sad, but at the same time it makes me relieved these factors won't anchor me down.

I am through with 2 out of the 4 letters I need to write, one for my ex, mom, dad, and my small friend group. But I cannot apologise enough, and thank them enough.. I would want to talk this to them face to face, just that they will just consider this mental torture and a cowardly move.

Oh well.. not much can be done.. I have chosen this path, it's put me on peace, and I want to rest now..

I'll keep this post updated till 10 mins after I drink, to tell the symptoms.

Time to gather my final strength and put the day to use!

 

[Sdj]

100 mg of xanax is an insane amount, I'd you wait that long to take your SN you will never do it and end up blacked out from the xannies and wake up in a pond three cities over from your house a week later

 

[Pikashuu83]

100 mg of xanax is an insane amount, I'd you wait that long to take your SN you will never do it and end up blacked out from the xannies and wake up in a pond three cities over from your house a week later

Mmm I see. How much should I be shooting for

 

[Meant2Die]

Looks like a good plan. Jealous you're not feeling much. Although struggling with anhedonia myself and emotional numbness , I though I was good until I started getting random anxiety once I started making plans, buying things, dealing with finances. Consider yourself lucky bc I don't have any benzos and it's hard to not freak out sometimes starring Into my mothers eyes knowing what I want to do (I live with her)

 

[Pikashuu83]

Looks like a good plan. Jealous you're not feeling much. Although struggling with anhedonia myself and emotional numbness , I though I was good until I started getting random anxiety once I started making plans, buying things, dealing with finances. Consider yourself lucky bc I don't have any benzos and it's hard to not freak out sometimes starring Into my mothers eyes knowing what I want to do (I live with her)

I have this advantage that I am in a dorm, and I am not much connected to my roommate. So the guilt doesn't kick in

 

[Shivani]

Wow, that was swift, you managed everything quick. How did you manage to get Xanax?

 

[Pikashuu83]

Wow, that was swift, you managed everything quick. How did you manage to get Xanax?

I have a prescription for it. And yeah, it's scary how fast you can gather these things.

 

[Passersby]

Hi Pikashuu83, it sucks you are at this place in your life but I am too. I feel for you. I would just cut the dose of Xanax in half. That would be fine. So like .50 mg. I've taken Xanax and buspiron. That dose will be enough to knock the anxiety down but not knock you out or anything. I am also thinking about if there would be anywhere locally to get sn? I'm not sure I haven't looked. It's available on a couple different websites and it's legal I guess but I'm not sure about ordering it but it's probably fine. I need to go ahead and get mine though as this is a method I am also considering. Hopefully your family can understand whoever your going though and don't look down on you for ctb. Just read an article about a paster who did somebody's funeral who ctb and he talked down about them and said that they were going to hell for this. I think that is terrible and the paster should be fired! The parents were trying to get him fired but probably nothing would happen .

 

[Time]

So I have located my SN supplier who is willing to hand it to me OTC. I have all other elements and medicines ready. seems like the bus is coming faster than imagined. And surprisingly I still don't feel a thing. Literally 0, I just am waiting when I have the stuff on hand and I can start my 48 hour regiem

It's sad, I don't feel fear, anxiousness, or any other emotion. Just goes to show how emotionally numb I have gone. I used to be a soft, emotional person. Guess that's dead now.

If I am able to get my hands on my SN today, I start regime tomorrow, and get a hotel on Sunday to CTB.

THIS IS MY PLAN-
23 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
22:30: 10mg Meto

24 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
2245: 10mg Meto
22:45: xanax 100mg
22:50: cimetidine (double the suggested dosage)
2330: 25g SN in 100mL water

Please point me out if anything seems off about the regime.

I was initially planning to go hotel for the 2 days but suspicions will arise. So I'll be just going there in my fasting hours.

I am at more peace to proceed with this now, because I came out to a friend of mine and I appreciate his support, but at the end of the day it did not awaken any if my positive emotions, at the end of it I was intoxicated and was planning my CTB again.

It's sad I won't be even able to talk to the people I love before I leave. I cannot go home, cannot talk to my ex. It makes me sad, but at the same time it makes me relieved these factors won't anchor me down.

I am through with 2 out of the 4 letters I need to write, one for my ex, mom, dad, and my small friend group. But I cannot apologise enough, and thank them enough.. I would want to talk this to them face to face, just that they will just consider this mental torture and a cowardly move.

Oh well.. not much can be done.. I have chosen this path, it's put me on peace, and I want to rest now..

I'll keep this post updated till 10 mins after I drink, to tell the symptoms.

Time to gather my final strength and put the day to use!

Hey, pikashuu83. Sorry that life has brought you to this point but I'm glad that you're here sharing yourself & your process with us.

I can identify with the notes. I'm apologizing a lot & telling them that I love them because of how much pain my ctb will most likely cause I feel like I really need hammer home that it's not their fault & that this has been an possibility my whole life (being that I've had depression/suicidal thoughts since I was a little kid). Besides having to wait for my other materials to arrive, how my ctb is going to affect those close to me is putting through the ringer. I'm DEFINITELY going to do it soon but it's still quite an obstacle.

And that's just beautiful that you came out to your friend & thay were actually supportive. I just don't feel like that's a risk I can take unfortunately.

I hope to be here to support you, whatever path you choose. Enjoy your day.

 

[Pikashuu83]

Hey, pikashuu83. Sorry that life has brought you to this point but I'm glad that you're here sharing yourself & your process with us.

I can identify with the notes. I'm apologizing a lot & telling them that I love them because of how much pain my ctb will most likely cause I feel like I really need hammer home that it's not their fault & that this has been an possibility my whole life (being that I've had depression/suicidal thoughts since I was a little kid). Besides having to wait for my other materials to arrive, how my ctb is going to affect those close to me is putting through the ringer. I'm DEFINITELY going to do it soon but it's still quite an obstacle.

And that's just beautiful that you came out to your friend & thay were actually supportive. I just don't feel like that's a risk I can take unfortunately.

I hope to be here to support you, whatever path you choose. Enjoy your day.

He doesn't support me killing myself (it's expected), yet he sat and let me vent out every dark thought I have.

Hi Pikashuu83, it sucks you are at this place in your life but I am too. I feel for you. I would just cut the dose of Xanax in half. That would be fine. So like .50 mg. I've taken Xanax and buspiron. That dose will be enough to knock the anxiety down but not knock you out or anything. I am also thinking about if there would be anywhere locally to get sn? I'm not sure I haven't looked. It's available on a couple different websites and it's legal I guess but I'm not sure about ordering it but it's probably fine. I need to go ahead and get mine though as this is a method I am also considering. Hopefully your family can understand whoever your going though and don't look down on you for ctb. Just read an article about a paster who did somebody's funeral who ctb and he talked down about them and said that they were going to hell for this. I think that is terrible and the paster should be fired! The parents were trying to get him fired but probably nothing would happen .

SN is not a problem to own, and it's traded pretty freely in the industrial part of my city.

And yeah, I hope so too, that people understand

 

[Sdj]

Mmm I see. How much should I be shooting for

People black out after 15 to 20 minutes from 2 to 8 mg of Xanax depending on weight/tolerance. Theyre awake, but not in control - high chance of you not taking the SN depending on what forms down.Me, personally, I'm going to take 2mg, smoke a few spliffs, take another 2MG, wait a few mins, take the SN followed by another 4mg Xanax. Hopefully thisll give me enough chilled out time before it happens but also knock me out to reduce changes of throwing up.

Just know that at 4MG and above people constantly report blacking out and if you dont have much of a tolerance you might end up doing and saying some stupid shit instead of ctb.

100mg plus alcohol would be enough to kill you outright without the SN. Lol.

Hi Pikashuu83, it sucks you are at this place in your life but I am too. I feel for you. I would just cut the dose of Xanax in half. That would be fine. So like .50 mg. I've taken Xanax and buspiron. That dose will be enough to knock the anxiety down but not knock you out or anything. I am also thinking about if there would be anywhere locally to get sn? I'm not sure I haven't looked. It's available on a couple different websites and it's legal I guess but I'm not sure about ordering it but it's probably fine. I need to go ahead and get mine though as this is a method I am also considering. Hopefully your family can understand whoever your going though and don't look down on you for ctb. Just read an article about a paster who did somebody's funeral who ctb and he talked down about them and said that they were going to hell for this. I think that is terrible and the paster should be fired! The parents were trying to get him fired but probably nothing would happen .

Cutting his dose of Xanax in half is 50mg, not .50mg. Still an insane amount to take and trust yourself to take SN 45 minutes after.

 

[MeltingHeart]

100 mg of xanax is an insane amount, I'd you wait that long to take your SN you will never do it and end up blacked out from the xannies and wake up in a pond three cities over from your house a week later

In a pond?!

 

[WilliamKline]

So I have located my SN supplier who is willing to hand it to me OTC. I have all other elements and medicines ready. seems like the bus is coming faster than imagined. And surprisingly I still don't feel a thing. Literally 0, I just am waiting when I have the stuff on hand and I can start my 48 hour regiem

It's sad, I don't feel fear, anxiousness, or any other emotion. Just goes to show how emotionally numb I have gone. I used to be a soft, emotional person. Guess that's dead now.

If I am able to get my hands on my SN today, I start regime tomorrow, and get a hotel on Sunday to CTB.

THIS IS MY PLAN-
23 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
22:30: 10mg Meto

24 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
2245: 10mg Meto
22:45: xanax 100mg
22:50: cimetidine (double the suggested dosage)
2330: 25g SN in 100mL water

Please point me out if anything seems off about the regime.

I was initially planning to go hotel for the 2 days but suspicions will arise. So I'll be just going there in my fasting hours.

I am at more peace to proceed with this now, because I came out to a friend of mine and I appreciate his support, but at the end of the day it did not awaken any if my positive emotions, at the end of it I was intoxicated and was planning my CTB again.

It's sad I won't be even able to talk to the people I love before I leave. I cannot go home, cannot talk to my ex. It makes me sad, but at the same time it makes me relieved these factors won't anchor me down.

I am through with 2 out of the 4 letters I need to write, one for my ex, mom, dad, and my small friend group. But I cannot apologise enough, and thank them enough.. I would want to talk this to them face to face, just that they will just consider this mental torture and a cowardly move.

Oh well.. not much can be done.. I have chosen this path, it's put me on peace, and I want to rest now..

I'll keep this post updated till 10 mins after I drink, to tell the symptoms.

Time to gather my final strength and put the day to use!

100mgs of Xanax really is a shitload, are you sure it's not 10mgs (the . between the 1 and the 0 is sometimes hard to see on a tablet)? How many tablets are you taking?

 

[lymbo]

So I have located my SN supplier who is willing to hand it to me OTC. I have all other elements and medicines ready. seems like the bus is coming faster than imagined. And surprisingly I still don't feel a thing. Literally 0, I just am waiting when I have the stuff on hand and I can start my 48 hour regiem

It's sad, I don't feel fear, anxiousness, or any other emotion. Just goes to show how emotionally numb I have gone. I used to be a soft, emotional person. Guess that's dead now.

If I am able to get my hands on my SN today, I start regime tomorrow, and get a hotel on Sunday to CTB.

THIS IS MY PLAN-
23 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
22:30: 10mg Meto

24 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
2245: 10mg Meto
22:45: xanax 100mg
22:50: cimetidine (double the suggested dosage)
2330: 25g SN in 100mL water

Please point me out if anything seems off about the regime.

I was initially planning to go hotel for the 2 days but suspicions will arise. So I'll be just going there in my fasting hours.

I am at more peace to proceed with this now, because I came out to a friend of mine and I appreciate his support, but at the end of the day it did not awaken any if my positive emotions, at the end of it I was intoxicated and was planning my CTB again.

It's sad I won't be even able to talk to the people I love before I leave. I cannot go home, cannot talk to my ex. It makes me sad, but at the same time it makes me relieved these factors won't anchor me down.

I am through with 2 out of the 4 letters I need to write, one for my ex, mom, dad, and my small friend group. But I cannot apologise enough, and thank them enough.. I would want to talk this to them face to face, just that they will just consider this mental torture and a cowardly move.

Oh well.. not much can be done.. I have chosen this path, it's put me on peace, and I want to rest now..

I'll keep this post updated till 10 mins after I drink, to tell the symptoms.

Time to gather my final strength and put the day to use!

OP whats your reasons for ctb. sorry havent seen lf u posted before

 

[Emily123]

Looks like a good plan. Jealous you're not feeling much. Although struggling with anhedonia myself and emotional numbness , I though I was good until I started getting random anxiety once I started making plans, buying things, dealing with finances. Consider yourself lucky bc I don't have any benzos and it's hard to not freak out sometimes starring Into my mothers eyes knowing what I want to do (I live with her)

I bought SN today and if it was a right thing it is comming . I still don't know how to buy other medicines that I need. Maybe I can go to my GP and tell him that I am voimiting so he gives me the medcines that I need . I started douthing using it . Maybe I can find another surgeon to fix my face and I can have a happy life again . I am not also sure how peacful it will be to die by SN . I don't want to suffer when I am dying . I prefered to use N

 

[Pikashuu83]

OP whats your reasons for ctb. sorry havent seen lf u posted before

A plethora of reasons, I have lost hope after just plain bad happenings for 5 years straight, 4 college drop outs, family breaking, health detoriating, lack of social touch, loss of significant other and therepy and recovery has no affects on me, I particularly don't have anyone who is there for me, and I am exhausted to keep retrying.
And thanks people, for input on the Xanax, I have never used it so I was confused on the dosage.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

Sorry you're here, as they say. But you're among friends. As far as Xanax goes, you've gotten lots of great advice. I want to chime in since you said you've never taken it before. It's a fast-acting/short-acting drug, which means exactly what it says. It kicks in pretty quick. A new user weighing under 150 pounds would be prescribed .125 to .25mg per dose. I've seen first timers lose all memory and get pretty silly at 1mg. You won't OD on it, but you'll lose interest or fall asleep if you take to much before. But remember, it acts fast. So if you take .25-.5 mg before , you can drink the SN and then take as many as you want.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So I have located my SN supplier who is willing to hand it to me OTC. I have all other elements and medicines ready. seems like the bus is coming faster than imagined. And surprisingly I still don't feel a thing. Literally 0, I just am waiting when I have the stuff on hand and I can start my 48 hour regiem

It's sad, I don't feel fear, anxiousness, or any other emotion. Just goes to show how emotionally numb I have gone. I used to be a soft, emotional person. Guess that's dead now.

If I am able to get my hands on my SN today, I start regime tomorrow, and get a hotel on Sunday to CTB.

THIS IS MY PLAN-
23 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
22:30: 10mg Meto

24 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
2245: 10mg Meto
22:45: xanax 100mg
22:50: cimetidine (double the suggested dosage)
2330: 25g SN in 100mL water

Please point me out if anything seems off about the regime.

I was initially planning to go hotel for the 2 days but suspicions will arise. So I'll be just going there in my fasting hours.

I am at more peace to proceed with this now, because I came out to a friend of mine and I appreciate his support, but at the end of the day it did not awaken any if my positive emotions, at the end of it I was intoxicated and was planning my CTB again.

It's sad I won't be even able to talk to the people I love before I leave. I cannot go home, cannot talk to my ex. It makes me sad, but at the same time it makes me relieved these factors won't anchor me down.

I am through with 2 out of the 4 letters I need to write, one for my ex, mom, dad, and my small friend group. But I cannot apologise enough, and thank them enough.. I would want to talk this to them face to face, just that they will just consider this mental torture and a cowardly move.

Oh well.. not much can be done.. I have chosen this path, it's put me on peace, and I want to rest now..

I'll keep this post updated till 10 mins after I drink, to tell the symptoms.

Time to gather my final strength and put the day to use!

I don't have any advice for the method. I just wanted to say that I hope you find peace. I feel the same about not being able to say goodbye to the people I love as well.

 

[Pikashuu83]

UPDATE:

I found my SN.. going to pick it up. All the elements are complete now.. seems like regime starts tomorrow.

for the first time during my prep, I felt something, it's sadness, despair, and I am crying...

 

[Time]

UPDATE:

I found my SN.. going to pick it up. All the elements are complete now.. seems like regime starts tomorrow.

for the first time during my prep, I felt something, it's sadness, despair, and I am crying...

Thanks for the update, Pikashuu83. I'm happy that you got what you want. I'm sorry to hear about the sadness. But, @ least you're feeling something.

 

[Pikashuu83]

Thanks for the update, Pikashuu83. I'm happy that you got what you want. I'm sorry to hear about the sadness. But, @ least you're feeling something.

For once. Yes. At least I still feel human.

 

[Pikashuu83]

And.. got it. It's funny how I arranged everything under 4 USD. It's scary at a point..

Last advice I need, what antacid to get

 

[bornsinner]

So I have located my SN supplier who is willing to hand it to me OTC. I have all other elements and medicines ready. seems like the bus is coming faster than imagined. And surprisingly I still don't feel a thing. Literally 0, I just am waiting when I have the stuff on hand and I can start my 48 hour regiem

It's sad, I don't feel fear, anxiousness, or any other emotion. Just goes to show how emotionally numb I have gone. I used to be a soft, emotional person. Guess that's dead now.

If I am able to get my hands on my SN today, I start regime tomorrow, and get a hotel on Sunday to CTB.

THIS IS MY PLAN-
23 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
22:30: 10mg Meto

24 November
06:30: 10mg Meto
14:30: 10mg Meto
2245: 10mg Meto
22:45: xanax 100mg
22:50: cimetidine (double the suggested dosage)
2330: 25g SN in 100mL water

Please point me out if anything seems off about the regime.

I was initially planning to go hotel for the 2 days but suspicions will arise. So I'll be just going there in my fasting hours.

I am at more peace to proceed with this now, because I came out to a friend of mine and I appreciate his support, but at the end of the day it did not awaken any if my positive emotions, at the end of it I was intoxicated and was planning my CTB again.

It's sad I won't be even able to talk to the people I love before I leave. I cannot go home, cannot talk to my ex. It makes me sad, but at the same time it makes me relieved these factors won't anchor me down.

I am through with 2 out of the 4 letters I need to write, one for my ex, mom, dad, and my small friend group. But I cannot apologise enough, and thank them enough.. I would want to talk this to them face to face, just that they will just consider this mental torture and a cowardly move.

Oh well.. not much can be done.. I have chosen this path, it's put me on peace, and I want to rest now..

I'll keep this post updated till 10 mins after I drink, to tell the symptoms.

Time to gather my final strength and put the day to use!

when are u going to start your fast?

 

[AnxiouslyDepressed]

And.. got it. It's funny how I arranged everything under 4 USD. It's scary at a point..

Last advice I need, what antacid to get

i'm personally using milk of magnesia since i'm using domperidone rather than meto