I feel your pain.
I am sorry your life has been such that you find yourself at this point.
I don't think the site is "fishy" per se,but with 3 more posts,people can PM you more links.
If you've ordered already,I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Yes,it's a crappy situation,being forced to procure chemicals in order to end our lives.
Thank you for your compassion.
I haven't fully given up yet but I definitely need a safety plan in my situation.
It's not so much about having to get chemicals or any other means but having to to it in such a roundabout way, hiding ourselves, sometimes having to look up illegal methods etc. I'm a very straightforward person and it's really not in my nature to use dubious / underground methods.
Thanks for your feedback on the site, I don't understand why the prices seem so outrageous though. I haven't ordered anything yet because of that.
Apologizes if this is derailing. I'm curious as to what the method was that failed and how it did. Did it come from that book and you followed instructions, only for it to fail?
No problem.
It was dimenhydrinate.
I used to come in pills (Dramamine) in the book so it was easy to crush and mix with a liquid but nowdays it comes in capsules (Nausicalm) and I didn't dare to just empty the content in a glass in case my stomach would be too irritated to keep it.
Since they are a class of antiemetic I neglected to take a different kind an hour before taking them and I swallowed over 300 capsules (6 times the lethal dose because of a previous attempt with half, aka the recommended dose, that failed due to being found too early) that I suppose was too much volume for my stomach to keep. I have a vague dreamlike memory of vomiting part of it (dimenhydrinate causes memory loss) and I guess that must have been why I survived.
I guess I should have taken them with alcohol as well but it's always scared me because of the possibility of losing control and ending up taking unwanted actions. I've never touched it in my life so I'm not familiar with it.
I did end up in a coma for 4 days and woke up with a completely messed up apartment and my entire left side covered in hematomas (dimenhydrinate causes violent convulsions while unconscious), completely panicked that I hadn't died and in a confused state.
I called an acquaintance to help me fix the broken things in my apartment and they called an ambulance behind my back, forcing me in the hospital.
I was told that if I hadn't been brought to the ER at this very moment I would have died of liver and kidney failure a few hours later.
My organs seem to have recovered now though after spending a week in intensive care.
