Venting SN Delivery Pushed Back. Dammit

[Everydayismisery]

Stupid fucking international shipping. It was supposed to come Monday, now it's Thursday. I literally can't fucking imagine how im going to get through another week in this hell that is my mind/life. Idk how to fucking cope. Maybe I'll just pop enough benzos to sleep through the weekend.

People have been PMing me like oh are you really gonna do it? Are you gonna test it first? Will you post a goodbye thread? Etc, etc.

yo, I literally JUST want to die. Period. if it finally arrives on Thursday I'm going that night. I will not doubt myself, test it, or have my last living moments posting a live update thread to strangers as im dying. I'm just going to take it, have my last thoughts and fucking die.

Also, not knocking anyone who does do goodbye threads, if that's what you want I respect that.

 

[Judy Garland]

Well you put yourself out there so people are going to ask you questions. If you don't want people to ask you these kinds of questions then don't post threads saying you're going to ctb.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I would CERTAINLY test it first. What good will it do you if it isn't pure enough, or even legit SN, and doesn't kill you, but just harms you somehow, so that you end up unable to ever try to ctb again? Or, if you end up with an unsuccessful ctb and get institutionalized? That wouldn't be a chance I would take. Just do a quick blood test, at least. You need to set your emotions aside and use your head, IMO. But, do as you will. It's your life after all.

 

[Everydayismisery]

I would CERTAINLY test it first. What good will it do you if it isn't pure enough, or even legit SN, and doesn't kill you, but just harms you somehow, so that you end up unable to ever try to ctb again? Or, if you end up with an unsuccessful ctb and get institutionalized? That wouldn't be a chance I would take. Just do a quick blood test, at least. You need to set your emotions aside and use your head, IMO. But, do as you will. It's your life after all.

I hear you and appreciate the sentiment but 2 things: 1. I hate blood, like I get sick even looking at it. 2. It's straight from IC & I've read so many threads where people are like yep I've blood tested it it's legit and others who vouch for the legitimacy of it citing others who've used it to successfully ctb & that seems to be the main source of SN on this site. So if it's bad or not legit SN or a scam and I'm getting fucked, then literally everyone who got from IC is getting fucked.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I hear you and appreciate the sentiment but 2 things: 1. I hate blood, like I get sick even looking at it. 2. It's straight from IC & I've read so many threads where people are like yep I've blood tested it it's legit and others who vouch for the legitimacy of it citing others who've used it to successfully ctb & that seems to be the main source of SN on this site. So if it's bad or not legit SN or a scam and I'm getting fucked, then literally everyone who got from IC is getting fucked.

I hear you, too. I'm not really a fan of blood, but don't have the reaction you say you do. It's from IC (which you didn't say in your opening post), so it's *probably* OK. I hope it is. Just with all that's going on with the N, and even the SN, one never knows anymore what's being intercepted by LE and possibly switched. I don't know anyone on SS personally, so really all I can go by are unsubstantiated accounts of success (with SN), never really knowing if anyone was really successful, except through third party claims. Guess I'm just suspicious of anything. Just my nature. I hope you get what you want (Thursday) and it works out for you in the way that you want and you find your peace.

 

[Everydayismisery]

I hear you, too. I'm not really a fan of blood, but don't have the reaction you say you do. It's from IC (which you didn't say in your opening post), so it's *probably* OK. I hope it is. Just with all that's going on with the N, and even the SN, one never knows anymore what's being intercepted by LE and possibly switched. I don't know anyone on SS personally, so really all I can go by are unsubstantiated accounts of success (with SN), never really knowing if anyone was really successful, except through third party claims. Guess I'm just suspicious of anything. Just my nature. I hope you get what you want (Thursday) and it works out for you in the way that you want and you find your peace.

Thank you so much. I'm extremely suspicious of everything too and that is true these are all unsubstantiated accounts but it appears as though this is my only option. One thing I will note is that I've read a bunch of SN goodbye threads posted over the past few weeks/months/years and then when I click on their profile it will say "last seen 10 minutes ago". Idk if they failed or didn't try or SI kicked in or whatnot but it does make me ever so slightly apprehensive because I feel like I can count on one hand the amount of SN goodbye threads where the OP actually went inactive. I can only hope it works otherwise I honestly think I'll snap and slit my throat or something over the top out of frustration that will probably not kill me and definitely land me in the psych ward. Basically I'm just so desperate to die, I hope it doesn't come to that.

 

[Shu]

Stupid fucking international shipping. It was supposed to come Monday, now it's Thursday. I literally can't fucking imagine how im going to get through another week in this hell that is my mind/life. Idk how to fucking cope. Maybe I'll just pop enough benzos to sleep through the weekend.

People have been PMing me like oh are you really gonna do it? Are you gonna test it first? Will you post a goodbye thread? Etc, etc.

yo, I literally JUST want to die. Period. if it finally arrives on Thursday I'm going that night. I will not doubt myself, test it, or have my last living moments posting a live update thread to strangers as im dying. I'm just going to take it, have my last thoughts and fucking die.

Also, not knocking anyone who does do goodbye threads, if that's what you want I respect that.

Yeah sorry you're going through that. That shit is aggravating.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

...........I will note is that I've read a bunch of SN goodbye threads posted over the past few weeks/months/years and then when I click on their profile it will say "last seen 10 minutes ago". Idk if they failed or didn't try or SI kicked in or whatnot but it does make me ever so slightly apprehensive because I feel like I can count on one hand the amount of SN goodbye threads where the OP actually went inactive.

I think that would make me more than ever so lightly apprehensive. It would be straight up unnerving for me to see that. And honestly, I doubt that it has anything to do with the adequacy of the drug (in the drug ctbs anyway). Keep in mind, this place gets all kinds, including attention seekers. Probably my biggest fear, too, is being unsuccessful the first time. I can't have a second time. I have to be successful the first time. That's why my planning is so meticulous.

 

[london3]

Stupid fucking international shipping. It was supposed to come Monday, now it's Thursday. I literally can't fucking imagine how im going to get through another week in this hell that is my mind/life. Idk how to fucking cope. Maybe I'll just pop enough benzos to sleep through the weekend.

People have been PMing me like oh are you really gonna do it? Are you gonna test it first? Will you post a goodbye thread? Etc, etc.

yo, I literally JUST want to die. Period. if it finally arrives on Thursday I'm going that night. I will not doubt myself, test it, or have my last living moments posting a live update thread to strangers as im dying. I'm just going to take it, have my last thoughts and fucking die.

Also, not knocking anyone who does do goodbye threads, if that's what you want I respect that.

Sorry about the delay in your order, these things sometimes happen and is out of our control.

It seems like you are in a lot of pain and distress and i really feel for you, please do not do anything drastic that could hurt you and just cause further pain. Emotions can be very strong and and we must try and be kinder to ourselves and try and relax if possible. Most people on here do not like seeing people suffer and want the best for you.

In terms of SN i would say please follow the proven plan to be successful, being impulsive will lead to failure and more emotional turmoil. You must be in the right state of mind and be as calm as possible as otherwise mistakes happen and it will not work.

In terms of the goodbye threads most of the ones i have seen seem genuine they have not been active since like @TrynaChingMyself or @crystalskies31 . But obviously no one can truly know if the reports are real unless we have seen it with our own eyes. Maybe the ones that were active decided not to do it and have not updated us etc or it could be a family member or police controlling the account. We should take everything with a pinch of salt and try and be wary, there could be many reasons why someone is not active anymore.

Anyway i hope you receive your SN soon and i hope your pain and distress to go away soon.

 

[nohopeleftanymoreno]

Sorry you're going through this. I understand that it's painful to wait. Did you order through IC or another source? And if I may ask - how do you get updates about shipping?

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would be frustrated. We have all already suffered enough in life so the last thing that any of us needs is to have complications when trying to plan our exit. You can turn off the option of private messaging so people do not bother you. You do not have to answer anybodys questions. If I had a way to exit this world by my side then I would want nothing to do with this site at all, I would just go, so your feelings are understandable. I hope that you find relief from suffering.

 

[Everydayismisery]

Sorry you're going through this. I understand that it's painful to wait. Did you order through IC or another source? And if I may ask - how do you get updates about shipping?

Thank you so much. I ordered through IC & was provided a tracking number

I understand why you would be frustrated. We have all already suffered enough in life so the last thing that any of us needs is to have complications when trying to plan our exit. You can turn off the option of private messaging so people do not bother you. You do not have to answer anybodys questions. If I had a way to exit this world by my side then I would want nothing to do with this site at all, I would just go, so your feelings are understandable. I hope that you find relief from suffering.

That was so sweet. Thank you

Sorry about the delay in your order, these things sometimes happen and is out of our control.

It seems like you are in a lot of pain and distress and i really feel for you, please do not do anything drastic that could hurt you and just cause further pain. Emotions can be very strong and and we must try and be kinder to ourselves and try and relax if possible. Most people on here do not like seeing people suffer and want the best for you.

In terms of SN i would say please follow the proven plan to be successful, being impulsive will lead to failure and more emotional turmoil. You must be in the right state of mind and be as calm as possible as otherwise mistakes happen and it will not work.

In terms of the goodbye threads most of the ones i have seen seem genuine they have not been active since like @TrynaChingMyself or @crystalskies31 . But obviously no one can truly know if the reports are real unless we have seen it with our own eyes. Maybe the ones that were active decided not to do it and have not updated us etc or it could be a family member or police controlling the account. We should take everything with a pinch of salt and try and be wary, there could be many reasons why someone is not active anymore.

Anyway i hope you receive your SN soon and i hope your pain and distress to go away soon.

Thanks for your well thought out reply. I'm holding it together pretty well today & have accepted I'm forced to wait. I won't be impulsive when I do it, I plan on following some version/mix of Stan's guide/PPeH as I don't have literally everything needed to be pitch perfect. The only thing that makes me think id fail is that I have this stomach disease that makes me throw up almost every time I eat, so I'm hoping I'll be able to hold down the SN long enough for it to take effect. Or throwing up after I'm unconscious, which hopefully won't be a problem at that point. Just trying to make do with what I have!
It's going through US customs right now.