Snail
Member
- Mar 19, 2021
- 6
Wasn't sure of I'd been on the forum long enough to make my own thread. SN just arrived this morning. CTB date is on the anniversary of a traumatic experience when the statute of limitations runs out, so in about 2 months.
I didn't get closure, I didn't get justice despite the guy admitting to police to the third degree felony, and pretty much everyone I've opened up to about the traumatic experience has been dismissive, disrespected my wishes and asked him about it knowing it will set him off and he'll harass me, or gone as far as to fear-monger him into thinking I'm trying to hurt him and ruin his life because they think it's funny when he acts up(he has a tenancy to act in really dramatic ways that are funny to outsiders, but terrifying for his victims, especially when he's actually gotten people to believe the ridiculous things he's said about them). Other victims have gone as far as to attempt to use me as a scapegoat just to get him off their own backs. I've come to realize that people are rotten, and that reaching out about it is pointless when I've exhausted every option, every legal avenue, every piece of support, and there's nothing else I can do.
It's not a good enough reason to CTB to some, but it is to me. I don't want to live in a world where I can't function as a normal person, and all I experience day in and day out are constant flashbacks 24/7. It's been 10 months, even if I do get the flashbacks to stop, am I really just supposed to go through the rest of my life knowing that the world is like this? That anyone can do absolutely anything to me at all and face 0 consequences, and that there's absolutely nothing I can do about it? I'm genuinely convinced I could get stabbed in the face and people would have the same reaction. Hell, one of my cops admitted to me last week a woman once tried to report her ex coming to kill her, and that he didn't let her file a report either, as if that's somehow a good thing.
I'm told CTB is a choice, but it doesn't feel like one to me when I've exhausted every possibility, and people have proven themselves time and time again to be unreliable liars with no empathy for what I've gone through. It feels like the only reasonable solution to a permanent problem of trauma, not a choice. I simply have no other options.
I didn't get closure, I didn't get justice despite the guy admitting to police to the third degree felony, and pretty much everyone I've opened up to about the traumatic experience has been dismissive, disrespected my wishes and asked him about it knowing it will set him off and he'll harass me, or gone as far as to fear-monger him into thinking I'm trying to hurt him and ruin his life because they think it's funny when he acts up(he has a tenancy to act in really dramatic ways that are funny to outsiders, but terrifying for his victims, especially when he's actually gotten people to believe the ridiculous things he's said about them). Other victims have gone as far as to attempt to use me as a scapegoat just to get him off their own backs. I've come to realize that people are rotten, and that reaching out about it is pointless when I've exhausted every option, every legal avenue, every piece of support, and there's nothing else I can do.
It's not a good enough reason to CTB to some, but it is to me. I don't want to live in a world where I can't function as a normal person, and all I experience day in and day out are constant flashbacks 24/7. It's been 10 months, even if I do get the flashbacks to stop, am I really just supposed to go through the rest of my life knowing that the world is like this? That anyone can do absolutely anything to me at all and face 0 consequences, and that there's absolutely nothing I can do about it? I'm genuinely convinced I could get stabbed in the face and people would have the same reaction. Hell, one of my cops admitted to me last week a woman once tried to report her ex coming to kill her, and that he didn't let her file a report either, as if that's somehow a good thing.
I'm told CTB is a choice, but it doesn't feel like one to me when I've exhausted every possibility, and people have proven themselves time and time again to be unreliable liars with no empathy for what I've gone through. It feels like the only reasonable solution to a permanent problem of trauma, not a choice. I simply have no other options.
