SN arrived. Relief, and conflicted thoughts

[Source Energy]

I got my SN...yay!
From CCS. I am flooded with a sense of relief. This little box says "I got your back. Don't worry now". For which, I am very thankful. If push comes to shove and I really need it, I will fight my fears and get on with it.
But I have moments ( days ! ) I doubt I will ever stop being a baby and do it. I still wish it was N. I wish it had no symptoms. Then I wish it will go smooth for me.
Even if I postpone it, eventually, I will have to ctb. I will never allow myself to age to an old woman. Sooner or later, it is my "fate".
Will it be this SN in this box?
Who knows?...Why am I so conflicted?

 

[FuneralCry]

It also horrifies me the thought of ageing, it's certainly a shame how there is no option of N available, as it certainly sounds so perfect to me exiting this world in such a peaceful way.

 

[Fl4u]

I got my SN...yay!
From CCS. I am flooded with a sense of relief. This little box says "I got your back. Don't worry now". For which, I am very thankful. If push comes to shove and I really need it, I will fight my fears and get on with it.
But I have moments ( days ! ) I doubt I will ever stop being a baby and do it. I still wish it was N. I wish it had no symptoms. Then I wish it will go smooth for me.
Even if I postpone it, eventually, I will have to ctb. I will never allow myself to age to an old woman. Sooner or later, it is my "fate".
Will it be this SN in this box?
Who knows?...Why am I so conflicted?

Congrats I guess! Will order soon too. IC or from a Polish source I found that sells SN quite cheap (but they don't respond to my mails and it's probably more likely to get stuck in customs)

 

[Forever Sleep]

I agree- it certainly is a relief to have an 'out' at hand. I know what you mean- I feel pretty conflicted too. Things are about to entirely change for me- perhaps for the better- although very possibly for the worst. I guess none of us know till we know type thing.

I think- so long as someone isn't impulsive, it's a good idea to get it and then just store it for a rainy day. That's how I felt anyway. I'm sure it's only going to get increasingly hard to get hold of. So long as having it isn't likely to make someone do it rashly- which I have seen here- kind of in desperation and not following the protocol- I think it can feel comforting to know it's there.

 

[jessisme]

I got my SN...yay!
From CCS. I am flooded with a sense of relief. This little box says "I got your back. Don't worry now". For which, I am very thankful. If push comes to shove and I really need it, I will fight my fears and get on with it.
But I have moments ( days ! ) I doubt I will ever stop being a baby and do it. I still wish it was N. I wish it had no symptoms. Then I wish it will go smooth for me.
Even if I postpone it, eventually, I will have to ctb. I will never allow myself to age to an old woman. Sooner or later, it is my "fate".
Will it be this SN in this box?
Who knows?...Why am I so conflicted?

I don't plan to ctb as a result of the inevitability of aging but more current pressing circumstances. I also received sn from ccs and I threw it in a laundry basket and haven't opened the box yet. I am terrified of it's contents and what they imply. I feel that there is so much detailed work to the protocol that I will inevitably mess things up and have to abort the attempt. I'm also terrified of symptoms and staying conscious for an intolerable period of time while those symptoms are being experienced. It seems like the whole act is just impossible. I'm so disappointed, when I first opened my account here it seemed like users were ctbing almost every day on sn. It made it seem so easy, quick, effortless and effective but now I know that it is NOT. I am so afraid of sn and the protocol and the possibility of it not working or being excruciatingly uncomfortable that I feel paralyzed and afraid to attempt. But I really have to. It has to work. There is no other option for me. I just don't know how.

 

[leeloosnow]

I got my SN...yay!
From CCS. I am flooded with a sense of relief. This little box says "I got your back. Don't worry now". For which, I am very thankful. If push comes to shove and I really need it, I will fight my fears and get on with it.
But I have moments ( days ! ) I doubt I will ever stop being a baby and do it. I still wish it was N. I wish it had no symptoms. Then I wish it will go smooth for me.
Even if I postpone it, eventually, I will have to ctb. I will never allow myself to age to an old woman. Sooner or later, it is my "fate".
Will it be this SN in this box?
Who knows?...Why am I so conflicted?

i also have from ccs (and dd) i haven't blood tested my ccs, let me know if you do <3

 

[Decided98]

I agree- it certainly is a relief to have an 'out' at hand. I know what you mean- I feel pretty conflicted too. Things are about to entirely change for me- perhaps for the better- although very possibly for the worst. I guess none of us know till we know type thing.

I think- so long as someone isn't impulsive, it's a good idea to get it and then just store it for a rainy day. That's how I felt anyway. I'm sure it's only going to get increasingly hard to get hold of. So long as having it isn't likely to make someone do it rashly- which I have seen here- kind of in desperation and not following the protocol- I think it can feel comforting to know it's there.

I've heard you need to use SN before 3 months as the % decreases is that true?

 

[Source Energy]

I don't plan to ctb as a result of the inevitability of aging but more current pressing circumstances. I also received sn from ccs and I threw it in a laundry basket and haven't opened the box yet. I am terrified of it's contents and what they imply. I feel that there is so much detailed work to the protocol that I will inevitably mess things up and have to abort the attempt. I'm also terrified of symptoms and staying conscious for an intolerable period of time while those symptoms are being experienced. It seems like the whole act is just impossible. I'm so disappointed, when I first opened my account here it seemed like users were ctbing almost every day on sn. It made it seem so easy, quick, effortless and effective but now I know that it is NOT. I am so afraid of sn and the protocol and the possibility of it not working or being excruciatingly uncomfortable that I feel paralyzed and afraid to attempt. But I really have to. It has to work. There is no other option for me. I just don't know how.

you know, I am afraid too, but every day I lose some more of that fear. Today sucked. I found myself thinking about it at work, and feeling the urge to do it. I still have to get the antiemetics and propranolol, and I'm good to go. Idk when, but I start to see myself taking it.
My life is pain through and through. How bad max 30 min can be?

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I have my box in my car. SN and everything else needed. "First aid kit" of sorts. I'm scared too but I think the end is near. I'm just trying to figure out where because I only have some hours during the day I could be alone.

 

[Source Energy]

I've heard you need to use SN before 3 months as the % decreases is that true?

I think not. It is nicely sealed I haven't even opened the box it was delivered in. It should be safe

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've heard you need to use SN before 3 months as the % decreases is that true?

The expiry is a few years on mine. I think the main issue is if you open it. I know people sometimes do- to test it and then, seal it back up. I personally wouldn't want to risk it though. I plan on testing it just before using it- if I ever have the guts to do it. That said though- I'm no expert. I don't really know. Hopefully someone more knowledgable will be able to answer...

 

[Fl4u]

The expiry is a few years on mine. I think the main issue is if you open it. I know people sometimes do- to test it and then, seal it back up. I personally wouldn't want to risk it though. I plan on testing it just before using it- if I ever have the guts to do it. That said though- I'm no expert. I don't really know. Hopefully someone more knowledgable will be able to answer...

That's what I'm wondering too. What happens when you open it and seal it immediately after taking out some? Will it oxidize immediately?

you know, I am afraid too, but every day I lose some more of that fear. Today sucked. I found myself thinking about it at work, and feeling the urge to do it. I still have to get the antiemetics and propranolol, and I'm good to go. Idk when, but I start to see myself taking it.
My life is pain through and through. How bad max 30 min can be?

Same here. Just had a very confrontative conversation with my father over the phone. Every time I feel some hope or even joy in my life, it all immediately gets crushed.

 

[Source Energy]

i also have from ccs (and dd) i haven't blood tested my ccs, let me know if you do <3

I haven't opened it yet. I want to keep it hermetically sealed as it is until it's time. Plus, I am not able to draw blood. I tried once to prick my finger but I couldn't do it hard enough to draw blood. I'mma email CCS to ask about the %

 

[Fl4u]

I have no choice but to ctb soon or I will no longer be able to

 

[Source Energy]

I have no choice but to ctb soon or I will no longer be able to

then I would take that chance. Nothing worse imo, than to be stuck here. I'll very likely take it before summertime

 

[leeloosnow]

I haven't opened it yet. I want to keep it hermetically sealed as it is until it's time. Plus, I am not able to draw blood. I tried once to prick my finger but I couldn't do it hard enough to draw blood. I'mma email CCS to ask about the %

i believe its 99%. i dont think i took a pic of my bottle and, i took my bottles and sealed them inside dark thick bags and hid them really well, so it takes me a minute to access them. ill let you know if i end up blood testing mine before you

then I would take that chance. Nothing worse imo, than to be stuck here. I'll very likely take it before summertime

im also planning to take it soon, hopefully in a couple weeks <3

 

[Fl4u]

then I would take that chance. Nothing worse imo, than to be stuck here. I'll very likely take it before summertime

Would have to do it before July. I know where to get SN and will buy as soon as I'm able to. as for antiemitics, unless someone has a source for those, I'd have to get it descriped online by lying