Venting Small towns...

[MYStERY_Man]

If you're not aware, I've been suicidal since 2009. Long story short, for the vast majority of this time symptoms have been mostly anhedonia, apathy and isolation. Lately, brain fog. Early April I started working and anxiety also said hi. I live with my grandma, mom comes over on weekends, dad has been driving me to work.

3 weeks ago I had my first therapy session (online) and only after that I decided to try a full recovery. 2 weeks ago I was actually more inclined to CTB than before. 1 week ago the therapist recommended me a psychiatrist.

Note that at this point I'm self-diagnosing with AvPD and dysthymia.

So, what I'd like is very simple. I don't mind seeing professionals, but I don't want the drama of involving the family, specially if they end up feeling guilty for not noticing something was very obviously wrong during all this time.

Fine, that's why I'm doing online therapy and why I also scheduled a psychiatrist online. This one prescribed me fluoxetine + buspirone and told me to work the isolation thing with the psychologist.

Apparently that isn't a particularly good combo for my own diagnosis, but I could be wrong, so I'm willing to try it.

Checklist. Psychologist. Online. Psychiatrist. Online. Prescription. Online. Pharmacy. Online? No. My nanny state says these drugs can't be bought online.

Fine... during lunch break I conjure all my power to find a pharmacy that accepts the digital prescription. First try: huge queue. Second try: success! Well, not really. They're out of buspirone, it arrives tomorrow. I say I'll come back and get both (after all, it's easier than trying a third time). Order some stuff for acne instead.

My secret operation was a success, I'd only have to take another risk tomorrow.

Or so I thought. I come home and first thing I hear, from grandma, is:
- Hey, what were you doing at the pharmacy?
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
- Getting stuff for acne. How do you even know I was there?
- Oh, I was ordering my meds on the phone and Jane Doe was like "guess who's been here? I don't know what he was looking for... I think he didn't recognize me..."

Fuck you, Jane Doe. Of course I didn't recognize you. We haven't talked in 13 years, I haven't updated my FB picture in 8! How the hell do you even know what I look like (wearing a fricking mask, no less) and why do you think it's such a genius idea to gossip like that!?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Thanks for reading, rant's over.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Annoying little shits.

 

[MYStERY_Man]

UPDATE:

Pre scriptum: fluoxetine was not a problem, it's everywhere. But I wanted to get both at the same place.

Yesterday I told dad I was looking for finasteride (not a complete lie) and asked him to take me to the pharmacy that was supposed to have the buspirone, but they only had 40 tablets (I needed 60). Tried another pharmacy close by. No finasteride, no buspirone, but I could order both for today. So I left empty handed.

After work I went on a quest to try and find everything. Found the finasteride: 2 boxes with 30 tablets each in 2 pharmacies. Ordered the buspirone in that other one.

Today I told everyone I was still looking for finasteride (a complete lie) and finally got fluoxetine + buspirone, which I'll start taking tomorrow.

I also bumped into my dad on the way there, which was a bit awkward because he specifically asked whether I had ordered the finasteride the day before and I told him I hadn't, but I'd try it anyway. Worried that we'd meet again on the way back, I also bought a bunch of deodorants I didn't really need to cover the stuff.

Seriously, wtf is wrong with me? It'd be so much simpler to just come clean.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm currently on 15mg buspirone a day. It seems to be starting to help with anxiety but 1 thing I noticed right away (I started on 5mg due to health reasons btw) was that the voices in my head went quiet which was nice. I hope it helps you . Just be careful taking other stuff with it. I swear everything (slight exaggeration but not by much) interacts with it and causes serotonin syndrome (like grapefruit. whoda thunk it.)