Skipping school and dropping

[Fabioben]

So this is gonna be my second time quitting nursing school. I thought this time I could pull through, but nah. My professor has to be one of most blatant hypocrites I've met. Lol. From the get go she was saying how I wouldn't make it if I didn't control my anxiety and "chill". This is coming from someone who says she struggled with depression and was on Prozac and would cry in her car when she started nursing.
You'd expect a bit more...idk compassion?
But anyway, from the first few weeks she kinda made up her mind I feel about not passing me. From the first day she saw me struggle with SQ and IM injections. I made progress and improved. But idk. It feels like nothing's good enough. She's super knowledgeable and really knows her stuff. I admired her but lately I've just become fed up.
Kinda my fault too for taking her words so seriously. But still...how do you chill when your entire career depends on your passing or failing a class or a test?
It's funny how there's a brochure that says academic anxiety is real and all these stupid resources about mental health matters. It's like putting the cock of a gun to your head and telling you not to flinch. "You need to stop flinching"
All this suicide prevention and mental health making great strides is bullshit. And I knew this already, but still. It's disgusting to see. Ironically my school is affiliated with the mental hospital I was put in back when I was a teenager. That place is a living hell and prison and supposedly that's where students do their rotations and clinicals. To be affiliated with that hospital and the owners of that hospital is just downright despicable and repulsive.

The other teachers are ok. It hurts to let go because it took so long and such hard work to get in.
But honestly, I feel like I'm selling my soul to the devil with this career.
And it'll probably jeopardize me later when my suicidal and pro morbid beliefs clash with my profession.
It's not like I would encourage anyone to take their lives in a clinical setting. But locking people up against their will is really against my principles and everything I believe in.
Only reason I stuck through was to survive in a crippling economy where it's almost impossible to buy a house. And I wanted to give my parents a comfortable life. They deserve it.

But this is too much. There's only so much the brain can handle. And I think I'd like to die tomorrow on my birthday. In a motel.

I was thinking of writing a suicide note explaining my absence at school but that feels kinda childish and petty.

What do you guys think I should do?

If I stay alive I honestly don't see myself keeping my mouth shut that long and will probably end up starting a revolution for accessible euthanasia. But that's a sure way to garner universal and international hatred and despite being a slut I don't really fancy myself in prison.
I would like to contribute and make the right to die available for future generations so they don't have to resort to this clandestine hassle. One day. I really hope and long for that day.

Not for a doctor to assist necessarily, but for painless and effective methods to be accessible to us.

But then again, I don't feel like living a whole life to that tune and putting up with all the "if life is so awful why don't you folk kill yourselves?"bullshit from pro life breeders and what not.

I kinda feel like Jesus at Gethsemane rn knowing I have to die to spare others from suffering.
I know it'll devastate my family. But I feel like I'll let them down more by being alive and being a terrible human and child.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really understand why someone would ask other people if they should ctb or not as other people cannot experience life in the same way. It's a personal decision deciding what to do, it isn't like any of us are obligated to stay here and delay our inevitable fate. But it truly is horrible how we exist in a world where there is a lack of acceptance towards the right to die, people deserve the option to pass away in peace.

 

[hellispink]

University is the worst nightmare there is while dealing with so much pressure. They do not care and will never do. Its true. But you have to think about yourself, dont think about that stupid professor, think about if its truly truly what your heart is telling you to do. Sometimes everything is so overwhelming that we stop functioning attending class or we just drop out. I also dropped out but of high school a bumch of years ago, its not the same but i understand that there are circumstances that make us want to take that route. And its fine if you do but just think about it give it some thought before any impulsive decisions. Think with a cold head

 

[Fabioben]

I don't really understand why someone would ask other people if they should ctb or not as other people cannot experience life in the same way. It's a personal decision deciding what to do, it isn't like any of us are obligated to stay here and delay our inevitable fate. But it truly is horrible how we exist in a world where there is a lack of acceptance towards the right to die, people deserve the option to pass away in peace.

Tbh I wasn't specific enough in that part "what should I do?" I know it's up to me in the end. I meant as to what should I with regards to writing a letter and sending it to my professor or not or if that's just childish and petty.

 

[real person]

So this is gonna be my second time quitting nursing school. I thought this time I could pull through, but nah. My professor has to be one of most blatant hypocrites I've met. Lol. From the get go she was saying how I wouldn't make it if I didn't control my anxiety and "chill". This is coming from someone who says she struggled with depression and was on Prozac and would cry in her car when she started nursing.
You'd expect a bit more...idk compassion?
But anyway, from the first few weeks she kinda made up her mind I feel about not passing me. From the first day she saw me struggle with SQ and IM injections. I made progress and improved. But idk. It feels like nothing's good enough. She's super knowledgeable and really knows her stuff. I admired her but lately I've just become fed up.
Kinda my fault too for taking her words so seriously. But still...how do you chill when your entire career depends on your passing or failing a class or a test?
It's funny how there's a brochure that says academic anxiety is real and all these stupid resources about mental health matters. It's like putting the cock of a gun to your head and telling you not to flinch. "You need to stop flinching"
All this suicide prevention and mental health making great strides is bullshit. And I knew this already, but still. It's disgusting to see. Ironically my school is affiliated with the mental hospital I was put in back when I was a teenager. That place is a living hell and prison and supposedly that's where students do their rotations and clinicals. To be affiliated with that hospital and the owners of that hospital is just downright despicable and repulsive.

The other teachers are ok. It hurts to let go because it took so long and such hard work to get in.
But honestly, I feel like I'm selling my soul to the devil with this career.
And it'll probably jeopardize me later when my suicidal and pro morbid beliefs clash with my profession.
It's not like I would encourage anyone to take their lives in a clinical setting. But locking people up against their will is really against my principles and everything I believe in.
Only reason I stuck through was to survive in a crippling economy where it's almost impossible to buy a house. And I wanted to give my parents a comfortable life. They deserve it.

But this is too much. There's only so much the brain can handle. And I think I'd like to die tomorrow on my birthday. In a motel.

I was thinking of writing a suicide note explaining my absence at school but that feels kinda childish and petty.

What do you guys think I should do?

If I stay alive I honestly don't see myself keeping my mouth shut that long and will probably end up starting a revolution for accessible euthanasia. But that's a sure way to garner universal and international hatred and despite being a slut I don't really fancy myself in prison.
I would like to contribute and make the right to die available for future generations so they don't have to resort to this clandestine hassle. One day. I really hope and long for that day.

Not for a doctor to assist necessarily, but for painless and effective methods to be accessible to us.

But then again, I don't feel like living a whole life to that tune and putting up with all the "if life is so awful why don't you folk kill yourselves?"bullshit from pro life breeders and what not.

I kinda feel like Jesus at Gethsemane rn knowing I have to die to spare others from suffering.
I know it'll devastate my family. But I feel like I'll let them down more by being alive and being a terrible human and child.

i suppose if you enjoy nursing you will find it easier to keep going and studying but if it isn't your thing maybe not