Simulating a blow of fate

[StateOfMind]

Ironically I have had a bunch of these, so I shouldn't really need anymore..
The age old question of SI is still at large. Had so many good opportunities now.

Logic = ctb
SI = don't

I noticed that after my blows of fate, I had everything I needed - mentally - to help push me over the edge, but the attempts were impulsive with no real plan.
Now I'm just used to misery and suffering so I need something new. Preferably something that doesn't jeopardize my primary method (getting struck by train).

The current premise is that I'm a depressed NEET existing in mom's basement, not doing much or mostly even nothing.
At the moment I don't really have the capacity to go "out there" and put myself into situations that could trigger me due to crippling depression and covid restrictions.

Without doing anything illegal, how can one simulate or put themselves in an even more hopeless situation?

The "you are not ready" argument simply won't suffice.
Time to get creative lol

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Western countries are just to safe with all the health and safety stuff. They could probably make some lame comedy mini series about someone trying to ctb in the first world and being thwarted constantly by all the regulations in place.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

The longer we stay in the basement, the harder it is to get out. On top of this I believe that every failed attempt to leave the basement will also make it harder to get out.

I don't really have that much SI, if I get night-night or partial to work it's probable that these cringy posts of mine will stop more or less at once. This is because I have tried to leave the basement at least six times and failed every time. I've tried doing the following: Working, studying, martial arts, lifting, taking antidepressants, therapy, dating apps, meetup groups, walks, healthy eating, nofap, meditation, reading, gaming, anime, visiting pubs, programming, and even stand-up comedy! Sure, none of them have been serious attempts (aside from working) but that's due to me not believing in it from the beginning, I reckon. One thing many on here understand is that if we intuit that something is not going to make us less suicidal, it's not going to make us less suicidal.

Right now I'm half-assedly pawing at vocational education and minimum wage jobs a tiny bit. I know in my heart that my next attempt will also fail, and the one after that. I know that I will remain in the basement. I know that this will only end by me dying, and the only ways for me to die is by suicide or in the throws of futurization (ignoring improbable events). So I have an attitude of "get on with it", as I've said many times; if I had a shotgun (and a shell, 00 buckshot or slug), I would not be here. My existence is literally a matter of me being too shitty and society being too inhumane.

So, from my experience, it's about the perception of hopelessness and the anticipation of negative consequences. I don't think anyone around me or that I would pull from the street would say that I'll never leave the basement, that I can't ever get hired (and not fired or quit instantly). Yet I know that such is the case. Most people in my situation are not suicidal, and they are not as hostile to the future as I am. This is because my mindset is locked into that death is preferable, and that even if I left the basement it would not help. And it has been for years. I am a huge believer in playing defence, avoiding really bad things before even considering improvements. The worst strategy possible in modern times. Being a basement dweller that kills himself isn't even close to life-extension torture, for example, making it tolerable and causing complacency.

So, in short, getting out there and failing in combination with the passing of time should slowly decrease SI. The best thing would be to invest the last traces of humanity into something, succeed in some way (summoning the last vestiges of light) and then have that fail. So for me it would be somehow getting a job and starting to like it (or making it through an education) and then getting fired (not finding a job). Or just getting "lucky" with a family death or some destabilizing event of some kind. Then again, no method in place yet. The method has to be there or it will obviously not work.

I have also read that suicides are more likely to happen when people have decent energy levels and even okay moods. So not during depressive episodes. I don't have depression since I basically am depression, but something to think about in regards to possibly getting it "tReAtEd" or whatever.

God, I want to die.

 

[StateOfMind]

The longer we stay in the basement, the harder it is to get out. On top of this I believe that every failed attempt to leave the basement will also make it harder to get out.

I don't really have that much SI, if I get night-night or partial to work it's probable that these cringy posts of mine will stop more or less at once. This is because I have tried to leave the basement at least six times and failed every time. I've tried doing the following: Working, studying, martial arts, lifting, taking antidepressants, therapy, dating apps, meetup groups, walks, healthy eating, nofap, meditation, reading, gaming, anime, visiting pubs, programming, and even stand-up comedy! Sure, none of them have been serious attempts (aside from working) but that's due to me not believing in it from the beginning, I reckon. One thing many on here understand is that if we intuit that something is not going to make us less suicidal, it's not going to make us less suicidal.

Right now I'm half-assedly pawing at vocational education and minimum wage jobs a tiny bit. I know in my heart that my next attempt will also fail, and the one after that. I know that I will remain in the basement. I know that this will only end by me dying, and the only ways for me to die is by suicide or in the throws of futurization (ignoring improbable events). So I have an attitude of "get on with it", as I've said many times; if I had a shotgun (and a shell, 00 buckshot or slug), I would not be here. My existence is literally a matter of me being too shitty and society being too inhumane.

So, from my experience, it's about the perception of hopelessness and the anticipation of negative consequences. I don't think anyone around me or that I would pull from the street would say that I'll never leave the basement, that I can't ever get hired (and not fired or quit instantly). Yet I know that such is the case. Most people in my situation are not suicidal, and they are not as hostile to the future as I am. This is because my mindset is locked into that death is preferable, and that even if I left the basement it would not help. And it has been for years. I am a huge believer in playing defence, avoiding really bad things before even considering improvements. The worst strategy possible in modern times. Being a basement dweller that kills himself isn't even close to life-extension torture, for example, making it tolerable and causing complacency.

So, in short, getting out there and failing in combination with the passing of time should slowly decrease SI. The best thing would be to invest the last traces of humanity into something, succeed in some way (summoning the last vestiges of light) and then have that fail. So for me it would be somehow getting a job and starting to like it (or making it through an education) and then getting fired (not finding a job). Or just getting "lucky" with a family death or some destabilizing event of some kind. Then again, no method in place yet. The method has to be there or it will obviously not work.

I have also read that suicides are more likely to happen when people have decent energy levels and even okay moods. So not during depressive episodes. I don't have depression since I basically am depression, but something to think about in regards to possibly getting it "tReAtEd" or whatever.

God, I want to die.

Bruh! Nice write up, thanks for your input.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Bruh! Nice write up, thanks for your input.

Glad you liked it, was very close to not posting it since I want to stop constantly talking about myself.