Venting Sick of this kind of normie advice, it's of no help to me

[TAW122]

So about a week ago or so, I had some issues (not related to CTB, nor would I ever hint at CTB) regarding why I couldn't get over my nerves, anxiety or whatever thing/force/ailment (psychological and what not) that is preventing me from being able to do my hobby the way I want to do it. I was talking someone who also understood music and stuff and she at first was listening and even going through some suggestions and trying to understand my background and reasoning. However, after a while, she of course decided to spew general platitudes and usually toxic positivity, pro-life rhetoric as well as generic boiler advice. It just fucking pissed me off and I was so mad that I wanted to just break down and cry, rant, but I didn't, I couldn't summon the tears to let it out despite trying to do.

Some of the general platitudes and inane comments said by her were "You are more than your hobby! (in this case, the piano)", "Find other interests! There is clearly other things out there that you might like!", "There is more to life than your hobbies! (piano, video games, etc.)", etc. I sort of understand that she was trying to be helpful and she couldn't understand how my problems and it affecting my ability to do my hobbies drastically affect me, so it's not 100% her fault, but my mistake was for trying in the first place. What she said it just rubbed me the wrong way and I didn't feel any better or have really gotten anywhere after talking about this with her. Just fyi, no she isn't a therapist or anything, just another ordinary person (an NPC if you will) who gives trite, inane advice, and couldn't relate to my woes.

I did not mention anything about CTB for fear of raising red flags and/or her possibly outing me and then making my life even more miserable than ever. As of now, it only serves to show how desolate I am and how my problems have fucked me up even in one of my most dearest hobbies (playing the piano well and to my standards, liking; and video games). I seriously thought about other interests, but I simply just do not have others that I am passionate about. She (and the majority of people) just cannot accept nor understand how one could only have such narrow interests. Her inane and useless comments only push me closer to want to CTB (suifuel).

I recall making a thread regarding toxic positivity which highlights most of the things I mentioned in this thread.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

Not all optimism is toxic positivity, which should be criticized, but I feel is mildly overused here. It's a term I learned from a very physically ill friend of mine, and he hates it, but actually employs healthy happy thoughts.

The second episode of Star Trek portrays a teen who gets rejected by a woman. I'm not much of a Trekkie, but Shatner explains that "being blocked from one option just means the other millions remain open." It sorta /does/ sound that way with you, my Brother in Autism.

 

[Broken Chimera]

You gotta realize that normal people or NPC's can't handle real problems. That means they resort to repeating the same crap. From my experiences even when they ask what's wrong they're either fishing for info or listening for keywords to counter. It's not about helping you as much as it's about beating you. Maybe it's different where you're at but that's how it always happened for me. Now I just keep everything private irl. Much safer that way.

 

[TAW122]

Yeah I try to keep things topical IRL though there are times where I do divulge a bit too much and then sort of regret it afterwards. I also don't want to give off red flags by not saying anything or being completely despondent.

 

[BabyYoda]

I am a bit hesitant to post the link to my thread for the third time today because I don't want to be seen as farming for views. But I just don't want to type the same thing over and over again when there is a more convenient way. Anyways: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/story-reaching-out.29790/

Your friend reminds me of mine, or if you happen to read my post, person "B". He is an ordinary person who WANTS to be a therapist.

 

[Sensei]

OP, I understand what you're saying and I agree with you. Still, the question begs to be asked: What would you have wanted her to say to you instead? "Yeah, you're f**ked." Would that have made you feel better?

 

[Fragile]

then what do you want to hear from them? i'm genuinely curious since talking to someone suicidal is always really hard, even for a suicidal person like myself. feels like everything other than saying "yea, kill yourself" is treated like blind optimism.

 

[TAW122]

@BabyYoda Yeah, I'm thinking that she is closer to the person "B" that you are referring to. Yeah it sucks and it's annoying. As far as therapists and what not, I believe their main agenda isn't so much to help the person, but rather to make sure that the person is going to conform to society and the other people.

@Sensei @Fragile I suppose what I wanted her to say is something along the lines of "Yeah, I don't know what would help you.", or "Sorry, I don't know of any." or anything that doesn't imply false hope, cliche bullshit and what not.

 

[waterbottleman]

You gotta realize that normal people or NPC's can't handle real problems. That means they resort to repeating the same crap. From my experiences even when they ask what's wrong they're either fishing for info or listening for keywords to counter.

for word in sentence {
If word in keywords {
sayGenericPlatitude(word)
} else {
sayGenericPlatitude()
}
}

Beep boop

 

[ctbUniquectb]

What would you have wanted her to say to you instead? "Yeah, you're f**ked." Would that have made you feel better?

As I've said elsewhere, I have a very good clinician and sometimes the words you say have kept me pretty put together:

"Yeah, unique, you're in a world of shit and life is a bag of ass. What do you want from me?"

 

[Broken Chimera]

for word in sentence {
If word in keywords {
sayGenericPlatitude(word)
} else {
sayGenericPlatitude()
}
}

Beep boop

I had to re-read that a couple of times. I'm not fluent in npc.

 

[TAW122]

for word in sentence {
If word in keywords {
sayGenericPlatitude(word)
} else {
sayGenericPlatitude()
}
}

Beep boop

That's pretty much the idea that most normies and NPC react like. Just to revise it a bit to make it more accurate, it would be like (below):

/*Scan for word in the sentence*/
buzzword = bufferreader.otherword();

for word in sentence
{
if (buzzword = word in keywords)
{
sayGenericPlatitude(word);
}
else
{
sayGenericPlatitude();
}
}

Meh, as a computer science graduate who has been out of the field in many years, I probably don't know what the hell I am doing.

 

[TAW122]

I'm bumping this thread, and also the main gist of this thread is to vent and show about how normie advice is just bullshit, invalidation and dismissal of others' experiences. Sure, some things might mean nothing to others, but to another person, it's their world, it's their copes, their goals. No one's goals or claims are invalid or too insignificant and anyone who tries to downplay one's grievances is just plain wrong. Just because it's not a big deal for someone doesn't mean it isn't for that particular person.

 

[Epsilon0]

"Yeah, you're f**ked." Would that have made you feel better?

I know the OP refers to something else, but I wanted to say that I've had enough of toxic positivity from people around me. For once I wish someone would say to me:

Yeah, you're fucked, the whole thing is fucked. But I still like you and I want to sit here with you and hold your fucked-up hand and not tell you everything will be fine.

Then and only then after you sit a while with that big fuck up between you, then, in a rare moment, a spark of hope might shine for a brief second. When all the expectations and all that forced should-must-can-would positivity is shunned, then maybe real hope is given a chance to flourish.

 

[Sensei]

Yeah, you're fucked, the whole thing is fucked.

A voice in my head keeps telling me this. It's nice to hear something else for variation.