Venting sick and tired of my sister taking away my razor blades.

[R12192]

I keep my razor blades in my drawer, and I always have for the most part. Now I don't self harm much, it hasn't become much of an addiction to me but there's times where I go into depressive episodes and just do whatever I feel like doing at the moment. It's this weird and painful emptiness, coupled with the need to punish myself for, well, any reason. Anything ranging from my appearance to my gender. I have a lot of internalized misogyny but that's another story for another time.

One day, I felt the need to self harm and opened the drawer, only to find it's missing. You can imagine my surprise when I looked under the nightstand, the surroundings around the nightstand, and couldn't find it. At the time, I thought the maid took it, since she recently cleaned my room. I didn't think much of it, I got another pencil sharpener from downstairs, and got the blade out.

A few months later, I opened the drawer, and once again, found nothing. I was confused and wanted to find out who was doing this. The maid didint clean my room in months, so I wondered who could've taken it.

The cycle continued, and the 3rd razor blade got stolen from me.

One night, I went to go brush my teeth and when I came back to my room, I find my sister sitting on the bed, not really doing anything. She smiled at me, and I noticed that the drawers to the nightstand were open. I decided to confront her about it, but never mentioned any blades. Not yet. She played innocent, and claimed she never opened the drawers.

I wasn't stupid, and I was offended and I felt degraded. How could she think I was so stupid and wouldn't realize it was her doing?

My suspicions got confirmed when she said this sentence, "Sometimes when I see things around your room I take them."

I was angry at her, but never specifically confronted her about the razor blades. And I wasn't angry because she took them.

It was the lack of communication.

She kept quiet about it, and never told me anything, she never listened to me or heard me out. When I told her I had an eating disorder, she started talking about Taylor Swifts new songs.

I think it's disgusting how, without even knowing my problems, or the depth of my suffering, she blindly decides to take things away from me that calm me down behind my back and practically degrade me and indirectly call me stupid.

She does not know the things I had to endure to get here. I'm sick and tired of people automatically portraying self harm as bad, and that it's something that needs to be stopped immediately. She doesn't know me or the shit I had to give up and live through, no matter how much she says she knows me.

Nobody does because nobody can understand me, and that's something I have to live with.

You, taking away something that's a coping mechanism for me when I need it most, because the idea of "Self harm bad!" is drilled into your head, fucking hurts. There was no communication on her end, she just left me confused. I don't want to confront her about the blade specifically. I know she will never listen. She invalidated my trauma before, and she will do it again. Now she's coming into my personal life forcibly, and taking away things she doesn't even know the value of, because of societal reasons unbelievably and utterly disgusts me.

I didint know it was her taking them. I thought maybe they fell from the drawer or the maid took them. I will definitely be hiding them in a different place next time now that I know who did it. The first time it happened, I assumed the maid took it. The second time it did, I assumed it just got lost. The third time it got lost was when I found out.

 

[sos]

as much as i get that your story is mainly about the fact that things are being taken away from you by your sister, which is the issue you're facing; wouldn't you be able to get two steps ahead of her by perhaps hiding the razor blades somewhere else?

sure, it sucks that you're not being able to be free to do whatever you want whenever you want bc of the fact that items are being taken away from you. but there could be a solution to this, no?

 

[R12192]

as much as i get that your story is mainly about the fact that things are being taken away from you by your sister, which is the issue you're facing; wouldn't you be able to get two steps ahead of her by perhaps hiding the razor blades somewhere else?

sure, it sucks that you're not being able to be free to do whatever you want whenever you want bc of the fact that items are being taken away from you. but there could be a solution to this, no?

I didint know it was her taking them. I thought maybe they fell from the drawer or the maid took them. I will definitely be hiding them in a different place next time now that I know who did it. The first time it happened, I assumed the maid took it. The second time it did, I assumed it just got lost. The third time it got lost was when I found out.

 

[sos]

I didint know it was her taking them. I thought maybe they fell from the drawer or the maid took them. I will definitely be hiding them in a different place next time now that I know who did it. The first time it happened, I assumed the maid took it. The second time it did, I assumed it just got lost. The third time it got lost was when I found out.

yeah, such a thing can suck and it can drive you insane; losing things can make you question yourself at some point. or well, that's what i experience from time to time whenever i lose something.

i wouldn't go in any 'battles' with her if i were you, i'm sure that you can save up that energy for other things in life that you'd much rather spend it on.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Wait, you have a maid? Are you rich?


Anyway, self-harming is bad no matter how you look at it. It's not a good long-term coping mechanism and doesn't do much to address any of the issues you are going through properly. That's not even getting into the potential health risks that come from it. However, the way how your sister is responding to you SHing is wrong. I hate it when people respond to others' SHing by invading their privacy or stealing their SH supplies. If the goal is to help someone stop SHing, then the first step is waiting until they feel ready to stop SHing. I don't get why people don't seem to realize that helping others is about talking to them and seeing what you can do to help them, not just forcing your help onto them. Shit like what your sister is doing can cause SHers to become more distressed and may even worsen their urges to SH.

I do wonder if your sister's past tendency to try and change the subject or ignore you when you tried to open up to her potentially stem from her feeling uncomfortable and not having the guts to tell you that. I've had my dad open up to me about all of his struggles and issues before and it can be very uncomfortable, especially when you aren't qualified to deal with those types of things. I'm not saying this to excuse her actions or anything, rather I'm just offering that as a potential explanation. There are significantly better ways to handle that in comparison to being an asshole and just ignoring it.