Venting SI is so strong, stronger than I thought.

[Alex6216]

I used to think those who vented about SI were being scaredy cats until now. I literally have EVERYTHING ready, but as soon as I put the SN bag out of where I hide it, my heart just stopped, I just get horrified just looking at everything. I dont truly know what I am scared of, perhaps it's how 'complicated' the process is or the fact I forgot to take Benadryl beforehand or the fact I did the set up all wrong. This irrational fear just went on for 2 minutes straight until I became clear minded again, however I didnt do it because I wasted too much time and i'd probably be found and 'saved'
Oh well, I 'failed' this attempt due to being a little bitch. I wish I had a gun :C

 

[jimmy7754]

Me too.. I'm so sick of working really hard for 0 return on life..

 

[Idontmatter]

I used to think those who vented about SI were being scaredy cats until now. I literally have EVERYTHING ready, but as soon as I put the SN bag out of where I hide it, my heart just stopped, I just get horrified just looking at everything. I dont truly know what I am scared of, perhaps it's how 'complicated' the process is or the fact I forgot to take Benadryl beforehand or the fact I did the set up all wrong. This irrational fear just went on for 2 minutes straight until I became clear minded again, however I didnt do it because I wasted too much time and i'd probably be found and 'saved'
Oh well, I 'failed' this attempt due to being a little bitch. I wish I had a gun :C

I'll admit I'll be nervous when I finally do it. I'm just hoping it's a quick death.

 

[Dot]

I used to think those who vented about SI were being scaredy cats until now. I literally have EVERYTHING ready, but as soon as I put the SN bag out of where I hide it, my heart just stopped, I just get horrified just looking at everything. I dont truly know what I am scared of, perhaps it's how 'complicated' the process is or the fact I forgot to take Benadryl beforehand or the fact I did the set up all wrong. This irrational fear just went on for 2 minutes straight until I became clear minded again, however I didnt do it because I wasted too much time and i'd probably be found and 'saved'
Oh well, I 'failed' this attempt due to being a little bitch. I wish I had a gun :C

Wlcme 2 th/ s.i. clb

 

[Alex6216]

Wish I did it today, cant believe I chickened out of it. If I drank the SN during the time I made that post I would have been dead by now, provided I didnt vomit

 

[Idontmatter]

Wish I did it today, cant believe I chickened out of it. If I drank the SN during the time I made that post I would have been dead by now, provided I didnt vomit

I'm sorry . I need to do mine soon. I need to relief, permanent relief.

Wish I did it today, cant believe I chickened out of it. If I drank the SN during the time I made that post I would have been dead by now, provided I didnt vomit

I'm sorry life has brought you to this point. I'm sad to see it has brought many people to this point including myself. We can only hope the people we leave behind understand why we did it.

 

[wljourney]

That's totally normal.
I've tried to OD a few times (this was before I knew about SN) and while I wasn't successful (obvi) every single time I needed a few minutes/hours to prepare everything.
Look at the set up.
Walk away.
Come back.
Look at it again.

I remember standing at the kitchen counter in front of a line of pill bottles for minutes at a time and just walking back and forth between kitchen and couch. Even counted them all out while getting through that SI anxiety.

And then you do get over it.
And then you text a friend good bye and they call EMS.

Valuable lesson: don't text and CBT.

 

[Alex6216]

I took 3 meto pills today to CTB. I didnt do it but I want to CTB again, what would happen if after a week or something I take 3x10mg meto pills again?

 

[wljourney]

I took 3 meto pills today to CTB. I didnt do it but I want to CTB again, what would happen if after a week or something I take 3x10mg meto pills again?

Nothing. Unless you are on other Rx drugs that affect the same neuropathways as Meto does, you'll be fine.

 

[Alex6216]

By the way, I used IC SN, I opened it to see whats inside and immediately sealed it, is my SN fine or??

 

[Idontmatter]

By the way, I used IC SN, I opened it to see whats inside and immediately sealed it, is my SN fine or??

It's fine, it takes a very long time for it to go bad

 

[Alex6216]

It's fine, it takes a very long time for it to go bad

Ok thanks

 

[Painless_end]

The feeling I get with survival instinct is that it's hidden for all of us and it doesn't show up until we test it by actively thinking suicidal thoughts or approaching dangerous situations voluntarily or involuntarily.

The problem this poses is that for someone who is ultimately going to succeed in killing themselves, they managed to overcome it somehow.

But for the rest of us, it becomes a real nightmare if we cannot improve our quality of life and keep thinking of suicide yet we are unable to do it.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

If someone told me now, 'this chronic pain is 100% not going to improve ever', then I would 100% CTB very soon, after a few months on Oxy, Alcohol, Xan, junk food and cigarillos every day, until my money runs out - the ONLY thing holding me back is the chance that this pain can be reduced somehow - I have SN + meto, 10g Amitriptyline, lots of Oxy and Xan, and a 2 tonne tow-rope

 

[Idontmatter]

I'm planning on posting on here when I ctb finally, talking with people on here I think will help

 

[Painless_end]

I feel like everyone who doesn't should know this so I am repeating it :

Survival Instinct is hidden and most of us experience that it is stronger than we thought.

It shows up only when face real danger.

And if you can't overcome it, you will have to try to improve your life because no matter what, you won't be able to kill yourself.

 

[Intelligent_Panic99]

I took my N to a beautiful cliff over looking the ocean intending to drink it after sunset. But then I got so so cold and I didn't want to die cold so I drove home.
I think maybe that was SI in some weird form. I tend to have better follow through when I make a really specific plan and don't do it impulsively like that. The last time I OD'd I was pretty planned out but after I took the pills I was really freaked out. I didn't call anyone. Unfortunately I also didn't die.
SI must be like a reflex, like when the doctor hits your knee with a hammer and you can't help but kick your leg (only times 100).

 

[yabuki77]

I used to think those who vented about SI were being scaredy cats until now. I literally have EVERYTHING ready, but as soon as I put the SN bag out of where I hide it, my heart just stopped, I just get horrified just looking at everything. I dont truly know what I am scared of, perhaps it's how 'complicated' the process is or the fact I forgot to take Benadryl beforehand or the fact I did the set up all wrong. This irrational fear just went on for 2 minutes straight until I became clear minded again, however I didnt do it because I wasted too much time and i'd probably be found and 'saved'
Oh well, I 'failed' this attempt due to being a little bitch. I wish I had a gun :C

It gets easier after multiple attempts, I was actually able to pull the trigger earlier this week but the gun jammed. Whereas 4 years ago when I tried the same thing I couldn't do it. Trust me, having a gun does NOT make it easier at all, it probably has the strongest survival instinct out of everything i've tried.

 

[ornitier199]

There's this thing called impulse. SI's worst enemy.

 

[lofticries]

I heard that sn has a strong chemical smell. I'm sure the smell increases si.

 

[Shadow777]

The feeling I get with survival instinct is that it's hidden for all of us and it doesn't show up until we test it by actively thinking suicidal thoughts or approaching dangerous situations voluntarily or involuntarily.

The problem this poses is that for someone who is ultimately going to succeed in killing themselves, they managed to overcome it somehow.

But for the rest of us, it becomes a real nightmare if we cannot improve our quality of life and keep thinking of suicide yet we are unable to do it.

This makes me wonder if a person has it pre mixed and wait for a moment where it becomes an impulse thing if it will work. Problem is it's a salt and I assume it would start forming crystals in the water...

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide can be very difficult as even know we want to die we are programmed to survive. The survival instinct can be very frustrating and I wish that there was a way to pass away peacefully in my sleep without having to go through the process of ctb. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point and I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[SubZero]

I always think I will go by impulse. I don't see any other way of me doing it. I have the most peaceful method but it seems my mind is not ready for it- no matter of the immense physical and psychological torture I have been put through 24 hours a day. And let us not forget the 0 quality of life.

The one thing I am grateful for is I had a little chance to see the world - damn it is a beautiful world. Too sad I don't belong here anymore

 

[Alex6216]

I heard that sn has a strong chemical smell. I'm sure the smell increases si.

I didnt put the salt in the water, I only opened the bag for a tiny bit and immediately closed it. My new method consists of me attempting to use SN very early, I will have my SI breakdown for a bit, come to my senses and watch something that makes me lose faith in humanity.
Another thing I'll do is breathe in for 2 seconds, out for 2 then breathe in for 4 seconds, out for 4, breathe in for 6 seconds, out for 6, etc, people say that helps with instinctual shit
edit: Should I watch stuff that makes me lose faith now or wait until I try to CTB?

 

[Doombox]

I didnt put the salt in the water, I only opened the bag for a tiny bit and immediately closed it. My new method consists of me attempting to use SN very early, I will have my SI breakdown for a bit, come to my senses and watch something that makes me lose faith in humanity.
Another thing I'll do is breathe in for 2 seconds, out for 2 then breathe in for 4 seconds, out for 4, breathe in for 6 seconds, out for 6, etc, people say that helps with instinctual shit
edit: Should I watch stuff that makes me lose faith now or wait until I try to CTB?

Where did you learn that about the breathing exercise?

 

[Alex6216]

Where did you learn that about the breathing exercise?

I looked up something like "How to deal with survival instinct" and some website called caveman something showed up, I cant find it at the moment.

 

[wljourney]

…come to my senses and watch something that makes me lose faith in humanity.

You mean something like open up Twitter?

That would do it for me.

 

[Doombox]

I looked up something like "How to deal with survival instinct" and some website called caveman something showed up, I cant find it at the moment.

I found it: https://wakeup-world.com/2016/10/25...s-instincts-that-dont-work-in-the-modern-day/
Very interesting.

 

[Alex6216]

You mean something like open up Twitter?

That would do it for me.

yea something along those lines. Open twitter and look at some political stuff or the newest trend, problem is I dont know if I should look at this a few days before I CTB and look at more stuff or just look at this stuff on the day I CTB.

 

[wljourney]

yea something along those lines. Open twitter and look at some political stuff or the newest trend, problem is I dont know if I should look at this a few days before I CTB and look at more stuff or just look at this stuff on the day I CTB.

I mean… I am a glutton for punishment, so… go for it!