Shutting down emotionally

[Meditation guide]

I didn't think it was possible for me, but I feel myself turning to stone emotionally. I just don't care any more about if I see or talk to anyone. I have an image in my mind of me turning my back and walking off into the distance, alone and uncaring. It's not painful. It's not sad. It's just nothing. What was once a lively emotional life has now been drained, leaving behind something new, a feeling it's hard to describe.

Has this happened to anyone else? Does anyone else feel like a stone without feelings? Does anyone feel as if this is the healthiest thing that could be happening to them? I've felt myself recovering recently in many ways and this might be part of that process.

If anyone feels like this, do you think it will help you to ctb?

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate. I feel like i've already died in a way, there is an deep emptiness inside of me. I feel so disconnected from other people and the world in general. I spend a lot of time thinking about death so this life seems so meaningless in comparison.
I feel unemotional towards it. In the past everything used to frustrate me and I found it exhausting so I see it as healthier for me. It would help me to ctb as I think a lack of emotions means you can focus clearly on doing it.

 

[motel rooms]

You've felt yourself recovering recently in many ways & you think that will help you ctb?

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh dear, I've been like that for some years.
People here on SS are the only ones I like and really share my emotions with, literally! lol

I don't talk to my ex friends, family (only a few when there's no other choice), etc.

However, I think you're a very nice and kind person. You've always been lovely to me so, I don't think you're a "stone".

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[the_final_countdown]

I won't let that happen. Must kill myself before my life falls apart even more.

Will not endure another fucking second.

 

[Meditation guide]

I know I'm hurting some people but how do you care when you stopped caring. I've shut down. I can't think of another way to put it. I really shouldn't be around anyone at this level of disconnectedness.

 

[Symbiote]

I realize that I will never be able to CTB unless I'm on this site. Staying here is prolonging my life. Being a mod didn't help much other than keep me distracted. Went on a week long vacation and almost CTB while on vacation by going missing in a big city, but eventually calmed down enough to come back to the hotel. I'll get tunnel vision like effect in my head or I'll disassociate to the point where I don't feel anything and I'm nothing is home upstairs. I've been grey-rocking for some time in real life, and I'm slowing down my eating habits so that I can prepare my body for death. It's alright to feel the way you do, we understand.

 

[Meditation guide]

nobody home here.

 

[Una]

There was a time I would not think that possible ... but that was a long time ago. I have since learned what it feels like to be hollowed. To stare in space, rocking back and forth for days on end. Neither dead nor alive. Lingering in between. I have come to believe that it was the knowledge of that 'in between' space that, eventually, gave birth to what became known as 'purgatory.' Which in turn makes me think that many have become acquainted with it over millennia. It does not make it any easier, only less strange.

 

[Meditation guide]

walking outside under the moon.... numb

 

[abruptum]

i'm sorry i hope you're doing well if this is helping :(<3

 

[Meditation guide]

However, I think you're a very nice and kind person. You've always been lovely to me so, I don't think you're a "stone".

I feel the same about you. You're always nice to everyone.

 

[greyhound]

I think I have been pretty disconnected from people for a while. I think it's part of my reason for CTB. Semi-austistic I think from the brain component of my illness. But lately I find myself actively severing relationships. I think it's the impending CTB making me want to avoid hurting people.

An old coworker tried to reconnect with me a couple of months ago. During the call he mentioned that one of his colleagues from his current work place killed himself and he was pretty shook up. So after hearing that I just pushed him away in subsequent calls. Why get close to someone if it's just going to hurt more them when I CTB.

I just was speaking with a long time friend from college tonight. We got into a semi fight by the end of it over something sort of stupid. He doesn't know at all about my CTB plans, although he knows about my illness and I've hinted lately that 'my body is done'. But he would definitely not accept it and would try to save, who knows who he'd get involved. Would get messy. On one hand I want to try to not go out while on bad terms with friends, but on the other hand it almost feels easier to push them away.

 

[the_final_countdown]

I think I have been pretty disconnected from people for a while. I think it's part of my reason for CTB. Semi-austistic I think from the brain component of my illness. But lately I find myself actively severing relationships. I think it's the impending CTB making me want to avoid hurting people.

An old coworker tried to reconnect with me a couple of months ago. During the call he mentioned that one of his colleagues from his current work place killed himself and he was pretty shook up. So after hearing that I just pushed him away in subsequent calls. Why get close to someone if it's just going to hurt more them when I CTB.

I just was speaking with a long time friend from college tonight. We got into a semi fight by the end of it over something sort of stupid. He doesn't know at all about my CTB plans, although he knows about my illness and I've hinted lately that 'my body is done'. But he would definitely not accept it and would try to save, who knows who he'd get involved. Would get messy. On one hand I want to try to not go out while on bad terms with friends, but on the other hand it almost feels easier to push them away.

I understand pushing everyone away.

I don't have enough emotional energy to deal with people. Their love or their anger or their plans.

Not their fault, but I'm a ghost stripped of its wiring.

 

[Meditation guide]

I think I have been pretty disconnected from people for a while. I think it's part of my reason for CTB. Semi-austistic I think from the brain component of my illness. But lately I find myself actively severing relationships. I think it's the impending CTB making me want to avoid hurting people.

An old coworker tried to reconnect with me a couple of months ago. During the call he mentioned that one of his colleagues from his current work place killed himself and he was pretty shook up. So after hearing that I just pushed him away in subsequent calls. Why get close to someone if it's just going to hurt more them when I CTB.

I just was speaking with a long time friend from college tonight. We got into a semi fight by the end of it over something sort of stupid. He doesn't know at all about my CTB plans, although he knows about my illness and I've hinted lately that 'my body is done'. But he would definitely not accept it and would try to save, who knows who he'd get involved. Would get messy. On one hand I want to try to not go out while on bad terms with friends, but on the other hand it almost feels easier to push them away.

I think you have explained a large part of what I'm feeling. I'm shutting down emotionally as a final stage. I don't want involvements. I don't want this.

 

[Meditation guide]

my soul has yeeted my body

 

[demuic]

I wish I felt nothing. I feel too much and it's killing me.

 

[Meditation guide]

I wish I felt nothing. I feel too much and it's killing me.

I'm sorry you are in emotional pain. If you want to chat I'm here for you.

 

[saltshaker]

It comes and goes. Sometimes i'm a stone, other times i'm a flame. Don't forget to eat/sleep/rest.

 

[Meditation guide]

This feeling seems to be necessary to me as a survival mechanism and a ctb mechanism both.

 

[motel rooms]

This feeling seems to be necessary to me as a survival mechanism and a ctb mechanism both.

"Does anyone feel as if this is the healthiest thing that could be happening to them? I've felt myself recovering recently in many ways and this might be part of that process."

I kind of envy you.

 

[scarletohara]

"Does anyone feel as if this is the healthiest thing that could be happening to them? I've felt myself recovering recently in many ways and this might be part of that process."

I kind of envy you.

being disconnected is the only way i can deal with life, it helps me even though i know its not normal, i do love my cat though

 

[shush]

i can relate, for me it makes things worse. all i know is that ignoring your emotions is not healthy. i wish i could just not care...

 

[Meditation guide]

being disconnected is the only way i can deal with life, it helps me even though i know its not normal, i do love my cat though

Nothing could make me stop loving animals although even that can be slightly blunted when I've felt this way. I feel like I care too much at times about people and end up regretting it or feeling foolish. Then switch over to this and feel ruthless

 

[scarletohara]

Nothing could make me stop loving animals although even that can be slightly blunted when I've felt this way. I feel like I care too much at times about people and end up regretting it or feeling foolish. Then switch over to this and feel ruthless

same, i refuse to care for another human, infact i think im incapable of it, animals are different, truely innocent and vulnerable

 

[Meditation guide]

My emotions are frozen.