Kerock
Member
- Apr 10, 2023
- 58
I did it. I finally fucked myself. I finally put myself in a posistion where I cannot unfuck myself. And Im finally being punished for my laziness and fraud. I shouldave known that therapy wouldnt do shit. I shouldave known that I aint shit. I shouldave known I wouldn't be able to survive, let alone be happy, in this world. Im tired of trying to attempt change only to shoot myself in the fucking foot. Im tired of trying to work on myself to hide my insecurities. Im tired of thinking love will be worth it. And Im so fucking tired of my need for fucking intimacy. Ive already got over my trauma. I got over it because in the grand scheme of things, it was just irrelavant. I dont get pain, I dont lose sleep, I dont get flashbacks or panic attacks. Everytime I do EMDR, I feel mostly nothing. I dont get scared, or emotional. Just apathy and describing how I think I would feel and how it just relates to me. Its stupid. Half the time I feel like im doing most of the work instead of my therapist. Maybe Im just one of those people who just realizes everything they stood for and tried to be is a fucking lie, and everything they do will be meaningless. I'll always be looked down upon, and I have to do so much just to be average. Im gonna get drunk and jump off a tall building. I got one in mind.
