Discussion Should you tell someone that they're the reason you want to CTB?

[Georgehelm]

I've been planning to die and there's a few people that are the cause of it but there is one person primarily. Should I tell them how much they hurt me which drove me to doing this?

 

[deadinside777]

I believe it's up to you. I think whatever you decide to do before you ctb should bring you peace. Personally I won't be leaving any reasons or note behind.

 

[Sans]

The average human lifespan is about 80 years. Not even that is enough time for me to tell everyone responsible for wronging me that they are the reason I am CTBing.

 

[Geist]

That highly depends on the overall circumstances. If it's for a really petty reason, like a break-up or something, guilt-tripping and making someone feel bad about themselves for the rest of their lives is honestly a pretty shitty thing to do.

If said person is a horrible human being, like someone who (repeatedly) raped you, physically and/or emotionally hurt or even tortured you, then I could understand.

Again, you'd need a really good reason for that to be an ok thing to do, in my opinion.

 

[dustinspector]

I agree with Geist. Ive also read some things like keeping any last words about your death "positive" to help ease feelings of those around you. There will already be some levels of guilt when someone finds out about one passing

 

[iamsofkntired]

i think yes if they made you do this write all about it in your note and let them live with guilt and regret , they deserve it

 

[Forever Sleep]

I did actually tell someone this when I was a child. But- I believe them to be a narcissist. It didn't make the slightest difference. They just carried on with their own story of how they were really the victim. I think you have to make a judgement on who these people are. If they are that callous to make you feel like this to begin with- either they are doing it without realising- they lack empathy. Or- they realise and they enjoy having that control over you. Confirming to them that they are succeeding may actually give them a thrill. Narcissistic supply- if they are narcissists. That's my guess anyhow.

I think you need to maybe question what you are hoping to achieve. Are you hoping they will treat you better or, are you hoping they will blame themselves if you do CTB? I think you need to really think about their character and whether you will achieve either. Do you actually still want anything to do with these people?

 

[love2-1]

Originally when I read your post my answer was something neutral. To let your feelings decide but in some sense they led you here to ask this question.

Unfortunately, imo, it is up to the severity of the pain they inflicted on you. It takes incredible intelligence and self awareness to make a post such as this. In this scenario I feel you are left with two resolutions:

-You divulge the pain to those who are the cause, and if they are truly the cause it will not sustain the pain you feel now because for someone to make you feel that way demands an incredible disconnect to the emotions of others.
-You take control of your feelings, not to adhere to society's "reason to live" bs commentary, but to never give those who brought you pain the satisfaction of their words/actions...

In my opinion; never give those who hurt you the resolution to their actions. By that I mean trust in your ability to reflect inward about the pain you feel. And if you mean to call out those who have hurt you; actions speak louder than words. I know the pain you feel right now and I know how tantalizing labeling those who drove you here is but I promise you those that hurt you will be forced to mature with time. They already have to deal with their actions towards you and as they enter new circles of conversation/work/brackets, they will feel more displaced cause the reality is; to cause pain intentionally verbally or physically is unattractive and looked upon with disgust.

I promise, if they have any inclination of average emotional intelligence, they will grow to resent their actions. With or without your death.

I fucking love starwars lol... to quote Qui Gon in Episode 1; there is always a bigger fish.

I say this because these people causing your pain now; will be devoured in their climb to whatever BS existence they think they deserve.
tldr: Imo; no. Never give them the satisfaction. You are too complex and adaptive to your emotions and existence to let others take credit for your sacrifice.

 

[Ambivalent1]

It might drive them to drive into a wall.

 

[Unattainable666]

I can only speak for myself. No one gives a shit if I ctb or not. I believe most, if not all, would be grateful I'm gone. I would never tell anyone because people are not sympathetic or empathetic anymore. It's all for themselves. I just want to leave this god forsaken life as quietly as I slipped in.

 

[meilox]

If you asked me a year ago, I would have said yes. I would have wanted them to feel my pain. But now I don't think they would care or if they did they would tell themselves that it wasn't true. Like some other people are saying, it depends on how much they hurt you and I can only speak for myself because we are in different situations.

 

[SleepySept]

I did actually tell someone this when I was a child. But- I believe them to be a narcissist. It didn't make the slightest difference. They just carried on with their own story of how they were really the victim.

This just made me think about how my brother might be a narcissist. He did I guess, care for maybe a week after I was hospitalized. He felt a lot of emotions however that directed to victimizing himself. The week I was dispatched home he ended up wanting to strangle me for being "an insensitive asshole to his feelings". Which is beyond narcissistic to feel about your 15 year old younger sister who gained brain damage + a brain tumor and has no idea what you're on about because of medication.

So yeah. Be sure it doesn't backfire on you OP.

Otherwise, I think your death can have a super negative impact on someone. So for me, I stopped caring on putting any blame.

 

[Some place nice]

I have a note telling my family how they've hurt me but, I made a big section just for my mom who has hurt me the most.

 

[stillvoices]

I don't know if what I'll type is correct or not but here goes. I heard that if you don't ctb in an act of revenge or whatever will help your soul to not only rest but it helps to get to heaven if that's what you believe in. I would maybe suggest that if you did write a letter then I would write the things that hurt you and not exactly say they are why you did it because that's giving them so much of your power.

 

[asian.neet]

It's honestly up to you. I do think that if the people you name are your abusers it's a good idea.

Hopefully the laws in your country can use your letter to arrest your abusers and send them to the gulag.