Should you accept your fate if you are a coward ?

[Traveller12724]

So I have everything I need for my sn method to ctb towards the end of the year, it's my one-way ticket out of this shithole we call life, I am still worried about SI kicking in on me but I figure that if I am not brave enough to look into the eyes of death and not flinch, then I am a fucking coward that deserves all the pain, misery, and despair that is my life.

11 years ago I failed with full suspension but that failure feels me with a burning rage and vengeance that should be enough to overpower SI because I just can't stay alive for next year, I have suffered long enough. I refuse to be a coward that flinched when faced with staring death deep in its fucking eyes.

 

[sugarh1gh]

You are not coward if you lose to SI. You don't deserve pain, misery, and despair. I don't mean to soothe you or give you less confidence to fight with SI, but you don't deserve it. We will one day all going to win from battle with SI. We will be the winners at last.

I am sorry you have been suffering. I really wish that you find peace and freedom. Good luck with planning, and meanwhile, enjoy what you enjoy. If you have a date in mind, why not do the things you wanted to do before you ctb?

 

[Traveller12724]

You are not coward if you lose to SI. You don't deserve pain, misery, and despair. I don't mean to soothe you or give you less confidence to fight with SI, but you don't deserve it. We will one day all going to win from battle with SI. We will be the winners at last.

I am sorry you have been suffering. I really wish that you find peace and freedom. Good luck with planning, and meanwhile, enjoy what you enjoy. If you have a date in mind, why not do the things you wanted to do before you ctb?

Yes I do have a bucket list of things to check off before my time runs out. I don't have a date yet since that's too much pressure but I know it has to be sometime towards the end of the year when my depression is at its peak.

 

[sugarh1gh]

Yes I do have a bucket list of things to check off before my time runs out. I don't have a date yet since that's too much pressure but I know it has to be sometime towards the end of the year when my depression is at its peak.

That's amazing! I really should make my own bucket list too. Yeah, definitely have some fun doing those.

 

[LostinTime24]

So I have everything I need for my sn method to ctb towards the end of the year, it's my one-way ticket out of this shithole we call life, I am still worried about SI kicking in on me but I figure that if I am not brave enough to look into the eyes of death and not flinch, then I am a fucking coward that deserves all the pain, misery, and despair that is my life.

11 years ago I failed with full suspension but that failure feels me with a burning rage and vengeance that should be enough to overpower SI because I just can't stay alive for next year, I have suffered long enough. I refuse to be a coward that flinched when faced with staring death deep in its fucking eyes.

I understand how you feel, I'm preparing soon aswell. I look at as being strong for the last time. I don't view myself as a coward for failing to CTB in the past and you shouldn't either as you are simply being strong despite the hand you were dealt and living on.