Venting Should I try conversion therapy or just suck it up and CTB?

[ShotgunShell]

If you've seen some of my previous vents, you'll know I have very bad gender dysphoria and hate my body. I know deep down that I am most likely a trans man, but am unable to transition for multiple reasons.
My family is extremely transphobic and would disown me in a heartbeat (they've told me multiple times if I ended up trans I'd pretty much be dead to them), I'm in a very unsafe area as I live in the rural south, and overall I feel like even if I did transition, I don't think I would ever feel real enough to consider myself a real boy. There's plenty more reasons why I feel like I cannot transition, but those are the most glaring.

Unfortunately though, my dysphoria has been worsening to a point these past few months where it's literally crippling. I go weeks without showering because I hate looking at the sight of my own body, my suicidal thoughts and acts of self harming have both increased, and more. I can't stand myself, and every passing day is like being trapped in some sort of prison that I can't escape from.

My question is- is conversion therapy worth it? Should I try to seek someone out who can basically convert me into believing that I am cis? Or should I just suck it up and CTB? Has anybody here ever had to experience conversion therapy, what was it like? Did it work?

I don't know how much longer I can go on with these thoughts and feelings of knowing I will never look, act, or feel how I really want to. I have trans friends who have told me what I describe is intense gender dysphoria, and that I am most likely trans in denial. But I can't be trans- I literally just can't. My whole world will crumble and I'll lose everyone. I just want this pain to stop. I feel like conversion therapy is my last bit of hope I have in order to stay alive, but I don't even want to do that much anymore.

 

[Holu]

DO NOT DO CONVERSION THERAPY. Coming from the perspective of a psych major there is and never has been actual proof backed by ANY major psychological organization. In fact statistics regarding conversion therapy have only shown the opposite(increased SH and suicide rates).

The only reason you would ever go to conversion therapy is if you needed that extra push into the abyss. If you are attempting recovery, conversion therapy is the worst possible choice. Instead ask to see an actual license and non religious therapist specifically either a generalized CBT therapist or a BDD specialist.

If the other route is what you truly feel is the only option then please do so kindly and mercifully. You have suffered enough, and deserve only the most painless and beautiful death.

I'm really really really sorry for what you have and are experiencing. I cannot and will not be able understand how hard dysmorphia is and even then it crushes me to read about what you're going through. Worse, I know that no matter how well written, those words only convey the smallest fraction of your pain. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.

Regardless of what happens and what decision you ultimately make you are a real boy. Cursed with the wrong flesh but I promise on everything you are male.

Should you ever need someone to talk to please please feel free to dm me. I can drop my disc and everything. You are not alone, none of us are. We stick together because otherwise we have nothing.

 

[Unwr!tten]

DO NOT DO CONVERSION THERAPY. Coming from the perspective of a psych major there is and never has been actual proof backed by ANY major psychological organization. In fact statistics regarding conversion therapy have only shown the opposite(increased SH and suicide rates).

The only reason you would ever go to conversion therapy is if you needed that extra push into the abyss. If you are attempting recovery, conversion therapy is the worst possible choice. Instead ask to see an actual license and non religious therapist specifically either a generalized CBT therapist or a BDD specialist.

If the other route is what you truly feel is the only option then please do so kindly and mercifully. You have suffered enough, and deserve only the most painless and beautiful death.

I'm really really really sorry for what you have and are experiencing. I cannot and will not be able understand how hard dysmorphia is and even then it crushes me to read about what you're going through. Worse, I know that no matter how well written, those words only convey the smallest fraction of your pain. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.

Regardless of what happens and what decision you ultimately make you are a real boy. Cursed with the wrong flesh but I promise on everything you are male.

Should you ever need someone to talk to please please feel free to dm me. I can drop my disc and everything. You are not alone, none of us are. We stick together because otherwise we have nothing.

@ShotgunShell ^
If you ever need soneone to lean on, I'm here, too.

 

[WaitingToGo]

I'm really sorry you have no support and like Holu said don't try conversion therapy it won't ever work. Gender dysphoria is bad enough but if your family is threatening you it makes me really angry and they should be ashamed

 

[Holu]

@ShotgunShell ^
If you ever need soneone to lean on, I'm here, too.

We SaSu gang. Forsaken together we are not alone.

 

[rat head]

As someone who thought the same thoughts as you I've come to a conclusion about myself at least (which might help you) that wanting to be the opposite gender just means you really don't want to be who you are currently due to trauma or life circumstances and you opt to be the farthest thing from who you are now.

Don't do it I promise you it's a bad spiral to cult behavior.

It's a shit world out there… I don't advice you to ctb I really don't and yea it is hypocritical of me to say…

GL on your journey wherever it may lead.

 

[WaitingToGo]

I'm here too if you want to chat. You know when I transitioned 40 years ago, some of my family were diabolical. Only my parents were ok, my siblings were disgusting and said some awful things, especially my sister.