should i tell someone?

[specklenought]

last night i got really high and started imagining what would happen if i told my closest friend about my CTB plans/attempts. I know a lot of people on this forum don't have people to confide in, or they have in the past and no ones cared. I feel so much for you. I wish there were more people in ur life that could be present and hold ur pain with you. You deserve that.

I don't know if telling my friend could help. I mean it would probably hinder my chances, but also I'm conflicted.

I have a history of telling people and they leave. like no one can hold this pain with me, or even support me or be near me in this anguish so I just hide it.

Is it selfish of me to not want them to leave even if I'm going to die anyway? I'd rather never ask for care then ask and have it be denied, i cant afford to be let down again. I can't do it anymore.

 

[Frauw]

I've personally kept it to myself, from a past attempt and even disclosing plans to a close friend they will do their utmost to interfere, I don't really want to feel like I'm hiding something from them as hard as it is, I've decided to hold off until I do the deed, and when I'm taking my final breaths I'll post my note, hopefully it will help them understand and even offer them some closure.

 

[specklenought]

I've personally kept it to myself, from a past attempt and even disclosing plans to a close friend they will do their utmost to interfere, I don't really want to feel like I'm hiding something from them as hard as it is, I've decided to hold off until I do the deed, and when I'm taking my final breaths I'll post my note, hopefully it will help them understand and even offer them some closure.

I guess i'm caught between disclosing and trying to face my fears of support, or keeping the part of me that wants to ctb safe. I feel like if I open up i've failed. I also just, I just don't think they'll know what to do, and I dont want to stress them out either. Yuck asking for help and then it not being what I want? I hate that loss of control.

 

[Deleted member 22650]

I dont tell no one to not make anyone scared or feel helpless, no one in this world aside from this forum will wish you a swift journey, they will do everything in their power to make you seek help :/

 

[ts0hill]

Maybe try asking ur friend their thoughts on suicide so you can see what they think before confiding in them

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I'm wondering if you're testing your friends and secretly hoping they'll save you, so you'll feel loved and accepted?

 

[Ghost2211]

What is the goal in telling them? Do you want help? If you don't want help you will just distress and scare them. If you want help then talking to people about it might get help.

 

[woxihuanni]

Don't. They shit all over you. Cunts.

 

[W’ren]

I have chosen to tell no one because i know they'll try and 'save' me- or they won't believe me or take me seriously.

I can't go to the psych ward again. And certainly not during covid. I know without a doubt that ctb is my goal, that's final.

But if i wasn't sure and i thought i wanted to bounce it off of someone i might tell a close friend who had never betrayed me. But i'd be ready for the repercussions- saving, attention, therapy,... most people are pro-lifers and will automatically get you help.

 

[woxihuanni]

What is the goal in telling them? Do you want help? If you don't want help you will just distress and scare them. If you want help then talking to people about it might get help.

I'd say annoy and bore rather than distress them. Never seen a single person distressed in the least for me. If they were, they were free to stand up to the human rights violations my husband commits. It is different for depressed people I suppose, since the possible help is not so clear-cut but I believe the feeling would be essentially the same.

 

[draw a circle]

I understand. I debated over telling my friend as well and i did tell them, but not explicitly that I'm gonna ctb. Nothing really changed between us regarding that part, but i can't imagine telling my friend that i have a plan and all. I will only make them worry and in my friend's case, i could possibly trigger them. i think if you truly want to heal yourself and you trust them, you can tell them. Otherwise, I'm not very sure. Best of luck for you though, i know it's hard when people leave.

 

[specklenought]

What is the goal in telling them? Do you want help? If you don't want help you will just distress and scare them. If you want help then talking to people about it might get help.

I guess that's sort of the sticking point. I'm caught between taking a step towards life, or taking a step towards death. Like either I tell them because then I am seeking help, support, I am trying to live. But otherwise, I understand there is no point in telling them if I am resolved. I think it's hard because the narrative we're told is that people who ~really~ want to CTB don't seek support. But I think that creates this trap for us in the inbetween who don't want to die, but want the pain of living to stop.

I'm wondering if you're testing your friends and secretly hoping they'll save you, so you'll feel loved and accepted?

I wonder that too, which makes me cautious, I don't want to manipulate anyone into proving they care about me.

 

[MYStERY_Man]

Sounds like you should.

Telling doesn't need to be a sign of commitment to survival. And even if you were resolved there would still be a point in telling. At the very least, it helps you acquaintances prepare to deal with your loss. Even if you were resolved, you shouldn't be afraid of changing your mind because the only way that happens is by deciding life has become desirable and that means there would be no point in seeking death.

But you're not resolved, which makes the argument for telling stronger as that ought to get you closer to your decision.

When you finally decide, if you want to CBT, hide the exact date and time so that you're don't risk being "saved" just to end in a vegetative state.

 

[lion2000]

I've also run the gamut of highs and lows....I actually never told anyone until recently, I shared my attempts with family, actually as a purge after my sister ctb recently. Seeing the repercussions and impact and knowing she felt the same way, worthless, and like no one cared YET had a lot of positive things she seemed happy about. Her ctb "success" if I can call it that, left a lot more damage across a lot more people that we will never recover from. I go days struggling with pro-choice vs pro-life. I can't tell anyone what to do because I really think our pain is unique, and I think how we adapt or attempt to be strong and grow is different. I can only speak to my pain and struggles and I feel ctb isn't for me anymore...at least I think and hope it isn't, the loss of my sister has made me want to make her proud for when I finally do see her on the other side....so I have to keep going.

When I told my family about my ctb attempts, they were more surprised than anything that I had attempted ctb, thought about it plenty over the years, and went through a period of a lot of self-harm. Actually, more family members shared they had thoughts about it too...which was very surprising and almost comforting. I think there's a lot we don't know fully about deep depression and anxiety, so talking about it can only help future generations. Heck, maybe they'll legalize pro-choice but with the right criteria. Suffering alone or secretly is the worst feeling. I wasn't sure what to expect from my family regarding their reaction to my attempts...if there's anything I've learned along the way, it is to not rely on anyone. I've picked myself up...yes, I've had professional help along the way, but in the end I realized that relying on others to meet my needs was just going to lead to disappointment and I don't need that from anyone. So I try to control and limit pain by being incredibly selfish...doing things I love and doing a lot of it. F*ck the haters, judgement, and anything else I don't want creeping up into my brain. Losing my sister was also so incredibly painful, I don't think I could do that to people I love...and if you're planning on leaving a note like my sister did, yes it is helpful to a degree but I think I and the rest of my family will always hurt and have regrets and think of the 'what if's' for the rest of our time here. I regret not sharing my ctb efforts with my sister, maybe we could've felt comfort in talking to each other. Maybe that would've helped her.

 

[Heart Shards]

If you want to be admited to the hospital, be my guest.

 

[greebo6]

Just be very careful who you tell .
Not saying don't but DO think about it carefully first.

 

[Hyperbunny]

If you want to be admited to the hospital, be my guest.

can this happen if u tell famly

 

[Deleted member 1768]

last night i got really high and started imagining what would happen if i told my closest friend about my CTB plans/attempts. I know a lot of people on this forum don't have people to confide in, or they have in the past and no ones cared. I feel so much for you. I wish there were more people in ur life that could be present and hold ur pain with you. You deserve that.

I don't know if telling my friend could help. I mean it would probably hinder my chances, but also I'm conflicted.

I have a history of telling people and they leave. like no one can hold this pain with me, or even support me or be near me in this anguish so I just hide it.

Is it selfish of me to not want them to leave even if I'm going to die anyway? I'd rather never ask for care then ask and have it be denied, i cant afford to be let down again. I can't do it anymore.

Hugs hon. The greatest difficulty in confiding in someone is the law. People are legally obligated to tell authorities if someone is suicidal. Not doing so leaves them open to criminal charges.

 

[Hyperbunny]

Hugs hon. The greatest difficulty in confiding in someone is the law. People are legally obligated to tell authorities if someone is suicidal. Not doing so leaves them open to criminal charges.

even i n uk

 

[Heart Shards]

can this happen if u tell famly

Yeah. They can have you admitted. Happened to me.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

even i n uk

It is global. Directed by the WHO, and definitely legally binding. I did put that information on here when I found it. Not sure what it may be listed under on SS, but you might want to try searching this site.

Yeah. They can have you admitted. Happened to me.

even i n uk

Here is a list of publications by the WHO on suicide prevention: https://www.who.int/mental_health/resources/suicide/en/

 

[RepressedMind]

We're here for you, if you ever need someone to confine in, we're available